the starfleet news network | snn headline news archive | issue no. 2
Thursday, 22 January 1998 -- Mark Wilson
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"When breaking news happens, chances are we're out for lunch."

  • OUR TOP STORY
    Debates continue in the ED COUNCIL about what to call the assistant enginner. As you may recall, Owen "Come on 7!" Townes requested an asst. engineer, and now the council is completely stumpted as to what's going on.

  • MAY THE JELLO BE WITH YOU
    Currently, captains are Mike "Tu madre es muy fea" Ballway, Owen "I cannot hold her cap'n--she's gonna blow!" Townes, Jeff "Take me to your donuts" Field, and Greg "All puns copyright (c) 1998 Michael Ballway and SNN Update" Hertzsch. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

  • SNN HEADLINE NEWS
    is reccomended by 3 out of 4 doctors to be the best cure for headache and/or nausea. The other doctor believed that SNN Headline News caused headache and/or nausea.

    SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING:

    SNN HEADLINE NEWS POSES SERIOUS
    RISKS TO YOUR HEALTH.

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