OUR TOP STORY
It looks like a grave day for the STF Jell-o fleet. By some freak of nature (or TV executives), the entire cast of Comedy Central's SouthPark is now heavilly involved in the combat situation. Mr. Hankey, who has the same P* ID as STF President Greg "I Didn't Exhale!" Hertzsch, is now destroying the competition.
MORE JELL-O ACTION
Is happening in the private quarters of Alan Felt aboard the U.S.S. Victorious. Mr. Hankey has also slithered his way there, and lightsaber action has taken a new turn as U.S.S. Victorious CMO Philip "HMO spells relief!" Bishop attempts to thwart the plans of everyone else on board.
HOT TUB ACTION
Has taken a turn for the worst. As you may or may not recall (or remember), The U.S.S. Ark Angel's hot tub (spanning a great distance) was invaded by an unknown entity with the same properties as a sea monster. Passerby have described it as "icky," "gross," and "spoon!"
WE APOLOGIZE (IT'S NOT THE LAST TIME)
SNN Headline News would like to apologize to Philip Bishop, as his name was left out of the roster of Jell-o Wars participants in the last issue. In fact, Philip "Hi-dely ho!" Bishop was the man who created the abomination that is the Jell-o Wars. The Times regrets [it's] error.
NEXT PAGE FOR IMPORTANT INFORMATION:
SNN Headline News
is designed primarily as a way for Pinky and the Brain to take over the world. By reading this disclaimer, you have stated that you will subject yourself to biased rule by theBrain (and/or Jeff "What of it?" Field).
SNN HEADLINE NEWS
is in no way affiliated with "SNN Update," an entirely different production that just happens to be housed at SNN Plaza in Chicago.
IN OUR NEXT ISSUE:
The story of the Donutic Empire of the Pastry Federation; A free Spanish lesson from Juan "Ay! No es bueno!" Garcia; An answer to the question "how many roads must a man walk
down before you can call him a man?"
". . . and that's the way it is, er, was, er, will be."