the starfleet news network | freelance article archive | mike ballway no. 3
6 September 1994 -- Mike Ballway

We're happy to present you with the news today, brought to you by Midas Milky Way Muffler & Brakes.

IN THE NEWZ:

  • Angry people led by Jason Brocklesby demand that their ships stay in the club, rather than being decommed . . . excuse me, that first bit should read "Angry PERSON"

  • Prezident Z today had no press conferences

  • Mike Cathcart is alive und liefing vell in Argentina, following a police raid on his house . . . .

  • Kempec (Remember him?) was arrested for public indecency . . . seems he was seen in public again!

  • The overall humor level in STF has dropped. Scientists relate this drop to the decreased production in humor around here . . . WAAIIT!

  • The USS Apparition has been decommed, spurring angry protest from . . . oh, no, not him again!

  • The USS Ark II has been decommed, spurring several choruses of the Barney Song.

  • The USS Survivor has been decommed, making people wonder, "Gee, I didn't know it was there . . . ."

  • Dave Morris has returned and has opened up "The Dave Show" once again. It has fittingly been scheduled right before "Heaven Help Us"

    And that's the News!

    Cpt Mike Ballway, SNN reporter

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