the starfleet news network | freelance article archive | mike cathcart no. 3
9 September 1994 -- Mike Cathcart
SNN
Election Time
9/09/94

Hi, I'm Mike Cathcart and my goal in life is to pole vault to Neptune.

  • STF elections begin on Friday, August 10th. Polls show Jim Midyette as the most popular candidate so far, just edging out U2's Bono. The presidential candidate went over his plans for an STF healthcare RPG and expressed interest in a bill to reduce crime. He also reinforced his statement to reporters that (everyone togther), "I didn't inhale". One SNN reporter asked Midyette's competition, Vice President Matt Wolff, how he felt about certain ships, like the Apparition, being decommissioned. Matt said, "If Jason Brocklesby leaves I'm going to decommission more ships."

  • A science vessel found ex-Admiral Sam Vincent adrift in a shuttlecraft earlier this week. He was in stasis and was revived for a short period of time yesturday. Vincent's absence reaches back almost a month and he was awake long enough to make one comment after being filled in on recent events. His question was, "OK, so you're trying to tell me that Michael Jackson married Lisa Marie Presley?"

  • Did you ever get the feeling that maybe writing an SNN article at 2 in the morning wasn't such a great idea?

  • Members are warned to stay away from Brian Misamore. The captain of the Aurora has been seen running through STF, claiming to be God, begging for new SNN articles, and giving Ryan Lucas "Election noogies."

  • Damaja Kalvas has once again been chosen to serve as CMO aboard the USS Constellation. This will be her thrid run in that position, the first being in her initial promotion and the second after leaving her post as Captain to have more time for other things. When asked if this, possibly, was a case of really bad luck on her part, Damaja told SNN to "Go take a running jump."

  • Adam Sharki watches 'The Burbs'.

  • Before her departure from STF, Grace Larsen will be starring in a motion picture. The goodbye role, played alongside old friend Ryan Lucas, is in Oliver Stone's Natural Blue Jello. Larsen and Lucas play the part of two well-know criminals. Parts of the movie are filmmed in black and white, with only the blue jello in color. A German officer who has pity on the Jews helps them out, then they hire Wesley Snipes as a lawyer, run from a one-armed man, romp throug an African jungle, discuss chocolate and its relation to the meaning of life, lie to Jamie Lee Curtis, say "how dare you, sir" to the President, and in the end solve the JFK assassination.

  • And finally (thank God, er, Misamore), Keith Richards will be on Prodigy. Bring you own E-Mail drugs.

    "SNN. It's not the heat. It's the stupidity."

    --Editor In Chief Michael J. Cathcart
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    Page Created on 28 November 1997 -- Last Updated on 25 June 1998
    Text © 1994 Mike Cathcart
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