the starfleet news network | snn update archive | s.u. issue no. 7
Saturday, 21 January 1995 -- Mike Ballway
=/\= SNN UPDATE =/\=
=/\= Stardate 95012.1 =/\=
Hello. This is UPN Logic Hour with Cmdr. Sraek. Welcome.
[Two guys enter. They shoot a phaser across Sraek's nose. It misses, and the beam dances offstage. You don't see it hit anything -- but you hear Den scream in horror]
Hi guys! I'm Mike Ballway, and welcome to a special wartime edition of SNN UPDATE, where you can always get fast, reliable, round-the-clock, really biased reporting on STF events!
Fleet One's best-known handyman, Den "Hey! Let's start a Holy War!" Hannigan has attacked the Siskoism Temple in the OT area. Pope Mike "Let's Not" Barclay has shown an almost -- Sisko forbid -- Picweenieish attitude to the problem: Trying to talk it out instead of just firing back. We're sending one of our patented British Journalist Drones there to cover the story. In yet another holy war, Velos "Velso" Larech has started a Bajoran Temple type thing on the Trinitron. No word yet as to how the Siskoism forces will respond.
The aforementioned Den "This is not Fox!" Hannigan has also started his own TV network -- The United Plumber's Network -- to combat SNN, which formerly had a monopoly. I just hope they don't come after me with a . . . yuck . . . UPN Update.
SNN Reporter Michael J. "That'll be two bucks, mister" Ballway has redone his menu in "Mike's Place," formerly STF's only fast food restaurant -- but still the best. A friendly (or maybe not) rivalry has developed between Mike's Place and the rejuvenated McTrinitron's, managed by a combination of Velos "1-800-ABCDEFG" Larech, Mike "Check out B'Etor!" Barclay, and Brian "I'm still not resigning" Misamore. Their menu is still undefined, although there is a healthy food fight going on.
In a related event, Michael C. "Lookin' for trouble" Barclay mentioned Coke in a major note. This caused Mike "Three of us. Confusing, isn't it?" Ballway to finally flip and reopen the Pepsi Cult. Those of you who love Pepsi -- join! In the OT.
The Jello wars have spontaneously started again, although I have the feeling that in the absence of another McParty the people (?) of STF are taking matters into their own hands. More on this later.
STF Trivia:
- Who is our current prez?
- Den "The Big Cheese" Hannigan
- Jim "The Big Cheese" Midyette
- SA "The Big Jerk" Kempec
- Who's better: Lursa or B'Etor?
- Two Amtrak trains carrying freight leave Chicago at 50 kph. One is bound for Boston, the other for Los Angeles. Who gets to their destination first?
=/\= SNN UPDATE =/\=
is published every once in a while by Michael J. "Hey! I'm talkin' here!" Ballway, and even though he does have opinions, contrary to popular myth, they are not necessarily those of the SNN management and are most definately not those of the UPN management. In fact, they're not even the opinions of The Almighty Sisko, so pbbt. If you want to complain about his opinions -- stuff it. OK, if you really want to complain, or say something good, or even place an ad in this SNN publication -- click your heels three times and Email reply to this note.
Commodore Mike "bwsc65c@prodigy.com" Ballway
Page Created on 19 July 1997 -- Last Updated on 16 June 1998
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