the starfleet news network | snn update archive | s.u. issue no. 18
Monday, 1 April 1996 -- Mike Ballway
=/\= SNN UPDATE =/\=
=/\= Stardate 96040.1 =/\=
Hello there! In the noble tradition of Journalistic Absentmindedness, Apathy, and Sheer Incompetance that has made SNN UPDATE the dark swirly-brown/black stain on the dinner gown of STF, we here at SNN Center have declared a moratorium on all Election News (as well as OC news) until the pollboxes close on April 7th, with the exception of one "Hey, You! Vote Now!" message later in this broadcast and a little blurb about Velos. The two reasons for this rather conspicous omission are as follows: 1. You already know what you need to know and I refuse to pester you too much, lest you get annoyed with our fine publicaton, and 2. I'm too lazy to post the latest news.
=/\= NEWS
In Last Month's news (which we forgot to report), Mike "Da Ex-Big Cheez Whiz" Cathcart did actually show up, just in time to give everyone involved "Election Noogies" and request a CMO spot. Officials at Holy Sisko General Hospital reassure us that this sudden rejuvenation movement is not contaigous.
Earlier this month, Commodore "Mike Again Again" Ballway restarted an old STF religion known as "Siskoism." One startled passerby was quoted as saying "Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up those stolen data tapes." The Emperor assures us that this sudden resurgence of old STF trademarks is of no concern to the general populace and will most definitely not help the rebellion.
Our Other beloved Commodore, Velos "Velso" Larech, was found drifting in an Asteroid belt reported to be near the "STF0" region. That region's fleet commander, Gavin G. Gunhold, assured SNN UPDATE that the region, and the asteriod belt, did not in fact exist. Unfortunately, we have no better explanation for Ken Marklan's recent reappearance, although he tries to fool us with talk of "Baseball" and some crazy thing called "Spring Training." Yeah, right, Velos, we don't believe it! Mike "Out of the Limelight" Cathcart attempted to bridge the conceptual gap with an explanation involving "White Sox Noogies," but neither side bought that explanation. The Mets' general manager denied comment, but later said that even 1994's strike-shortened statistics showed that such odd reappearances hardly ever occur in streaks.
STF's OT has come to life again, with such newbies as the Antimatter Cafe, Milliway's, and McCullick's Pub blending in nicely with old standbys like the Nitpicker's guild, the Music sub, and Den's "PUN" network. PUN -- the "Plumber's United Network" -- is Den's answer to SNN, and was active once, a long long time ago. Now it's back -- along with Den's old show. Our sources at PUN Studios confirm that while other shows are in the works for anyone who requests one, this sudden reemergance of old standbys will not, by any change of events, affect anything else.
One Final reminder: Don't forget to vote! The candidates for Prez/Veep are Ken "Velos" Marklan/Dave Citro, Randy McCullick/Nick Oven, and Greg Hertzsch/Adam Hesch. Email Reply to this note with your vote.
=/\= SNN UPDATE
is published every once in a while by Mike "So I write for thing, so shoot me" Ballway. Although Mike does have opinions, contrary to popular myth, and although he IS the current President, Mike's views are not necessarily those of the STF management. SNN UPDATE is distributed, hopefully, to every ship and follows the Journalistic Motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting of STF Events." If you have a complaint, stuff it. No, seriously: Any Comments, Complaints, Trivia Answers, or Votes For STF's President/Veep should be emailed to the Publisher/Writer.
--Commodore Mike "bwsc65c" Ballway
Page Created on 19 July 1997 -- Last Updated on 8 September 1998
© 1996-98 Zygweebil Mufasa Productions, Ltd. - [Feedback]