the starfleet news network | snn update archive | s.u. issue no. 20
Tuesday, 16 April 1996 -- Mike Ballway
=/\= SNN UPDATE =/\=
=/\= Stardate 95041.6 =/\=
STF has always been a bit nostalgic. Despite the fact that Tradition has not played a large role in any executive descisions lately, the rest of STF has, for the most part, always liked to keep things the way they are. Take, for instance, the Jello Wars. In early 1993, the Connie had just been blown up by -- you guessed it -- Jello in the Warp Core. Now look at Pepsi. In mid-1993, Laura Leslie had (re)started the STF Cola Wars. Pepsi was outlawed in Fleet two as far back as late '92. Then Coke was outlawed in F2 when Yours Truly became FComm in 1995. Now, both the Jello and Cola wars are back. The AU has a sub devoted to them, but the conflict is hard to follow; it seems like Craig "Greenie" Steiner, Aaron "I'm the Fcomm and You're Not" Holland, Kevin "Kevy-Wevy" Blomseth, and other Aurora personnel, and F2 FComm Mike "I am not taking on more than I can handle this time" Ballway are posting everywhere but the kitchen sink. Of course, you know now that Aaron is going to create a "STF1 AU KITCHEN SINK." You just know it. It's a typical Pinkie manuever. D@mn Pinkos. <vvvbg>
=/\= NEWS
In the news today, it seems that another old joke is running around STF. That's right, guys, Den "Plumber's Union, Mike, Union!" Hannigan is still at large. STFers, beware!
And of course, Randy "Crow is actually quite good, if cooked properly" McCullick is the new President, and he has now appointed his new cabinet. Selections include Nick "Backstabber! Backstabber!" Oven (Vice President, Speaker of the OC), Commodore Aaron "RMGB46A" Holland (FComm1, PDir), Commodore Mike "Sears Tower Is Best" Ballway (FComm2, EDir), and Den "Nazi Elf" Hannigan (Academy Commandant). Apparently he had been considering Admiral Julie "Axe" Larsen for the position of Recruiting Director until he found out that neither the Admiral nor the position did in fact exist. SNN UPDATE congratulates the new appointee, Den "Northeast Airport Commercial Corridor" Hannigan.
The USS Aurora, once a fairly active part of Fleet One ("The Foremost Fleet") has been reinstated on a "probationary basis" by President Randy E. "Start Panicking Now" McCullick. Aaron "The Aurora isn't most ships" Holland has actually been able to come up with a good crew -- and many of the crewmembers didn't have to transfer or moonlight from other ships!
And of course, Our Favorite Vice President, Nick "My Ego Is Bigger Than Yours" Oven has locked horns with Everyone's Favorite Academy Commandant, Den "Sugar Plumb Fairy" Hannigan. Nick has fallen back on the popular tactic of calling Den an "Incompetent Idiot"; the artful use of alliteration demonstrates the intelligence of the attacker. Den, hoping against hope, praying against prayer to turn the tide of the debate his way after such stunning losses to such an educated opponent, has chimed in with such educated put-downs as "dweeb" and "moron." Word is that Randy "Supreme Executive" has tried to mediate.
=/\= SNN UPDATE
is published every once in a while by Mike "Yeah, Yeah, Shut Up" Ballway. Although Mike does have opinions, contrary to popular belief, they are not necessarily the opinions of the STF Management or of the PUN management or even the SNN Management and certainly not the STNG management or the XWC management or WCHQ management, if they are even paying attention. What I am trying to say is, we follow the Journalistic Motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased reporting of STF Events." Any comments, questions, or Complaints For Peter should be emailed to the Publisher/Writer.
--Mike "bwsc65c" Ballway
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