SNN UPDATE #22

Tuesday, 7 May 1996

                      =/\= SNN UPDATE =/\=                  
                   =/\= Stardate 96050.7 =/\=               
                                                            
Hello and welcome back again to SNN Center for another      
fun-lovin' edition of SNN UPDATE, the only STF publication  
that comes complete with a five-year warranty, and that     
includes all moving parts!  WARNING:  Keep SNN UPDATE out   
of reach of children under three years old.  Some bits of   
news are so miniscule and unimportant that they may cause   
choking hazard.  Spotty reporting may induce vomiting.      
Keep in safe place.  If you accidentally inhale SNN UPDATE, 
call your local poison control center immediately. [>]      
=/\= NEWS                                                   
* In a bold move, Randy "The Imperial Senate Will No        
 Longer Be Of Any Concern To Us" McCullick announced on May 
 2nd that he had disbanded the Officer's Council            
 permanently.  Stunned reaction from passersby included     
 everything from the run-of-the-mill "He can't do that!" to 
 the melodramatic "It's a PLOY!"  A protest movement,       
 spearheaded by Aaron "With All Due Respect, Sir..."        
 Holland and Adam "This is a BLATANT misuse of authority"   
 Steiner, has gained grassroots support (as if STF has any  
 grassroots, anyway) and is campaigning against Randy's     
 descision on the grounds that                              
    1. The OC isn't all that bad                            
    2. You're abusing Executive Authority                   
    3. Pink Jello is Better than Blue Jello                 
    4. No, really, we're not that bad!                      
 The Premsident and his one admitted "advisor," Mike "I     
 have SEEN the light!" Ballway, have staged a               
 counter-protest whose main arguments go as so:             
    1. Yes, you are                                         
    2. Of Course He Can!  He's the GDMF Premsident!         
    3. No it's not, and Pepsi far outperforms Coke!         
    4. You wanna bet on that?                               
 And in a valiant attempt to make this the longest SNN      
 UPDATE article in recorded history, Vice President Nick    
 "Please Call Me 'Nick "My Ship Is Bigger Than Yours"       
 Oven'" Oven has been trying to bounce back from the        
 "Incompetant Idiot" fiasco by using the 'Hurt Veep' card:  
 "How can you do this without consulting me, the VEEP,      
 first?" he asks. Apparently, very easily.                  
* The OC is to be replaced by a New Body known as the "AC." 
 AC, of course, stands for Alternating Current.  The        
 concept behind the AC was that, the Prez can get all       
 of the opposition in metal chairs in the same room, and    
 can effectively fry them a- Ummm, oops, sorry.  "AC"       
 stands for "Advisory Commitee," the underlying concept     
 being that this is a group of people (one rep per ship,    
 selected by that ship's XO) who sit around and pick their  
 noses in anticipation of The Day when the Premsident will  
 make One False Move, thus prompting a Public Outcry and    
 giving each one the precious opportuntity to go out and    
 Call for Elections, which will of course be in their       
 favor, and thus the Balance Of Power is readjusted away    
 from the Sinister Bad Evil President and towards the Good  
 Happy AC Member, who after that day become the Prez,       
 and... umm, whatever.  Also, the AC does have the power to 
 pass laws, but can't have Prez Override.  In addition, the 
 Prez can stop debate on any bill at any time.              
=/\= SNN UPDATE                                             
is published somewhat biweekly by Mike "What light?"Ballway 
and follows the Journalistic Motto of "Quick, Informative,  
Totally Biased Reporting Of STF Events.  The opinions ex-   
pressed herein are not necessarily -- look,if you want to   
know something, listen here: (lean close so the Commies     
can't hear us) they're not even necessarily MIKE's opin-    
ions!  He just makes 'em up!  Imagine that!  If you have a  
complaint, stuff it.  No, seriously:  If you have any Com-  
plaints, Comments, or Commendations (but not Commies!)      
click your heels three times & Email Reply to this note.    
--Cdre. Mike "bwsc65c" Ballway, Publisher/Writer