SNN UPDATE #31

Thursday, 12 December 1996

                     =/\= SNN UPDATE =/\=                   
                  =/\= Stardate 96121.2 =/\=                
                                                            
Reports of our death are greatly exaggerated.               
SNN UPDATE welcomes you back, once again, on that wonderful 
news safari that takes us from one end of STF to the other, 
through treacherous jungles of notes and mountainous globs  
of blue jello, from the civilization of the AC Chambers and 
the Starbases to the utter desolation of Asteroid K in      
Fleet Zero... We're in STF, you're reading SNN UPDATE, I'm  
Mike Ballway, and this is the news:                         
                                                            
=/\= STF ELECTIONS                           
* Our leading story tonight deals with STF Elections.  STF  
 Election Coordinator Mike "12% turnout is unacceptable"    
 Ballway has not only suspended elections but has changed   
 their name as well.  It was Fall Elections '96;  It now is 
 Winter Elections '96.  Maybe it's just that the Chicago    
 cold is getting to him.  In any event, no more votes will  
 be tabulated until he says so, and the Election period     
 will not be opened until the candidates reply with         
 information he requested via email.  For the full story,   
 please visit "STF - ELECT-A-PREZ" in the GBB.              
* In review: Prez Randy "Mergers has always been a four-    
 letter word to me" McCullick, the incumbent, is running    
 with Nick "Along for the ride" Oven.  McCullick promises,  
 if re-elected, to not only expand recruiting in STF*P but  
 to also spend more time looking into CompuServe and AOL as 
 possible satellite club hosts and expand the STF-WWW site  
 (IRChat?) as well as creating, perhaps, an STF-USENET      
 newsgroup.  As a means of expanding our *P influence,      
 Randy proposes mergers with other, smaller clubs.  Randy   
 asks the STF populace for "Eight More Months!" of leader-  
 ship from the president who brought us the Web Colony.     
* In opposition: Cmdr. Greg "The most optimistic man in     
 STF" Hertzsch and Lt. Cmdr. Owen "Admirals, Commodores,    
 and Presidents all get the boot" Townes.  Their official   
 campaign headquarters ("STF HERTZSCH/TOWNES") contains a   
 note and a lively debate on its contents:  H-T promise to  
 spend more time on expanding STF*P (read: domestic issues) 
 than working on pie-in-the-sky Internet projects, mainly   
 becuase *P recruiting is a tougher job (given the wide-    
 spread population of WWW users versus Prodigy's measly     
 following)  Hertzsch promises that, if elected, he'll make 
 it a top priority to put an RPG on every ship.  Through    
 these measures he says only he can get "STF back on track."
                                                            
=/\= OTHER NEWS                                             
* The STNG Halloween Party is humming along just dandy as   
 guests continue to file in and jokes/drinks/stories, etc.  
 are told/bought/traded, etc.  As Christmas approaches,     
 votes for the Best Costume award are coming in strongly in 
 favor of Mark "Bob Dole isn't scared of you.  Bob Dole was 
 out collecting souls throughout the universe when your     
 grandfather was in diapers!" Wilson's Dole getup.  In the  
 meantime, they're not running out of Pepsi anytime soon,   
 so... hop on down to "STNG: SB-EMILY'S PUB"                
* On a lighter note, ex-Ark Angel crewmember Catherine      
 "T'Bad" Ballway stopped by SNN Center this afternoon to    
 say hi.  Now y'all say hi back now, y'hear?                
=/\= SNN UPDATE                                             
is published every once-in-a-while by Mike "She's my sees-  
ter" Ballway and follows the Journalistic Motto of "Quick,  
Informative, Totally Biased Reporting of STF Events."  The  
views and opinions expressed herein are not necessarily the 
views of Mike, or Cath, or SNN, or STF, or ZMP, or Randy,   
or Greg, or Nick, or Owen, or Gene, or Rick, or Michael, or 
Jeri, or Bill, Patrick, Kate, or Avery.  IF you have a      
complaint, please send a self-adressed stamped envelope to: 
1060 West Addison St., Chicago, IL, 60613.  If you have a   
compliment or comment, send Email to the Writer/Publisher.  
--Mike "bwsc65c@prodigy.com" Ballway, Publisher, SNN UPDATE.