the starfleet news network | snn update archive | s.u. issue no. 38
Saturday, 28 June 1997 -- Mike Ballway
=/\= SNN UPDATE =/\=
=/\= Stardate 97062.8 =/\=
Now let's see if I can remember how to do this . . . howdy there folks, you thought you'd left us behind, or we'd gone on permanent hiatus, but let me assure you -- that's not the case! No, we here at SNN Center in Chicago are ready as always to provide you with up-to-date misinformation, astericised and hyphenated for your approval.
But first, a moment of silence for the Good Ship Connie and the Trin, two ships lost in our club's decomm spree. . . .
=/\= NEWS
With that over with, on to this: President Greg "smash,
fire, destroy, burn kill kill KILL!" Hertzsch, prompted by STF's sad lack of participation (to which I gleefully added, make no mistake), decommissioned on 18 June no less than three ships, still short of the record currently held by Jim Midyette but nonetheless enough to make this reporter choke back a few sobs in memory of his old ship, the Connie, which was recently upgraded to Trafalgar-Class, his own design, and which now holds the record for Most Times Decommissioned Due To Personnel Lossage (2), which it may or may not share with the Trinitron, and Most Times Decommissioned Due To Personnel Lossage, Leaving Mike With No Place To Go But SB93, which, strangely, it holds alone.
In related news, Jason "Not on my watch you don't!" Brocklesby showed up the other day to protest Greg's proposal to decommission the USS Apparition, which holds the record for Most Frequently Misspelled Ship (2,837,902,837,822.9376666667). Greg listened attentively to Jason's complaints, until around the two-minute warning, when Owen "My dentist told me, 'the tooth is out there!'" Townes interrupted, ridiculing Jason for defending a ship that wasn't there. Nick "This Ego Is My Ego" Oven jumped in with a barrage of "incompetant idiots" that didn't help much and only incurred a further five-minute penalty, at which point Den "Pb & Janitors" Hannigan began expounding the virtues of Philadelphia's, or perhaps Pittsburgh's, Airport Industrial Corridor or something. Then Mike "'Catgut'?" Bourdaa chimed in with his own version of this periodical, and STF came to a full stop.
And in a related news story, a word was misspelled.
After which, as reported in Bourdaa's SNN article, Greg "No-one expects the . . . oh, bugger" Hertzsch was quoted as saying, "We have one main ship, the Aurora and the Victorious -- TWO, two, main ships, the Aurora, the Victorious, and the Ark Angel THREE, three main ships, the Aurora. . . ."
=/\= A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR
That's right, I'm your Executive Editor, Mike "??M" Ballway, and I want to assure all of STF that SNN UPDATE will continue to inaccurately report on STF events as long as I am here. Yes, we do take frequent long hiatuses, but hey -- if you want quality, read the Chicago Tribune. This is SNN UPDATE, gawdarnit!
IN MEMORIAM
USS Constellation, NCC-1017-H, August 1996-June 1997
USS Trinitron, NCC-10301-C, June(?) 1994-June 1997
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=/\= SNN UPDATE
is published every once in a while by Mike "You want I should wipe the bugs off your windshield?" Ballway, and abides by its Journalistic Motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting of STF Events." Today's gratuitous Jason Brocklesby reference was made possibly by a grant from the Starfleet Endowment For Giving Grants To Crazy People. If you have any kind of bone to pick with us, well, that's just too bad. This newsletter, such as it is, is distributed, hopefully, to each ship of the fleet (such as it is) for your extra viewing displeasure. Tee-hee.
=/\= Commodore Mike Ballway, Executive Editor, CNN of STF
Page Created on 19 July 1997 -- Last Updated on 10 July 1998
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