the starfleet news network | snn update archive | s.u. issue no. 39
Sunday, 29 June 1997 -- Mike Ballway
=/\= SNN UPDATE =/\=
=/\= Stardate 97062.9 =/\=
If you liked yesterday's, you'll love today's.
Welcome back once again to SNN UPDATE, that wonderful STF periodical where we delve into the inner reaches of the human psyche, discover new things about the world that we never knew before, explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and new civilizations, build bridges to the 21st century, renew our ties to America's past, chart a bold course into the future . . .
. . . on Tuesdays. But this is Sunday, right?
=/\= NEWS
On 28 June (hint: Yesterday) Commodore Mike "Gee, it's too bad I didn't say anything stupid or revealing last week" Ballway returned, after a long absence, to STF and to his command, the USS Constellation. You probably read about this in yesterday's SNN UPDATE. He wrote it, you know..
On 29 June (hint: Today) Commodore Mike "But this is Sunday, right?" Ballway continued his mysterious presence with another SNN UPDATE. In that UPDATE, he was quoted as saying, "In that UPDATE, he was quoted as saying, 'In that UPDATE, he was quoted as saying, "In that UPDATE. . . ."'" (Isn't this a wonderful way to waste space?)
Elvis was sighted on Starbase 93. Some industry analysts say that this makes no sense whatsoever. Some.
A healthy political debate is going on on the Victorious bridge, with Nick "Let's see if we can reduce their shields to 100%" Oven providing insults to the Republican Party, Mark "I coulda sworn STNG was around here, somewhere" Wilson doing same, and Greg "I support the complete elimination of everything" Hertzsch defending his original GOP tendencies but stating how they've betrayed him and how the Libertarians are looking oh-so-better now. Aside from the fact that this is brutally off-topic, it's an interesting conversation and this reporter thinks it would do well as an OT subject.
In a totally unrelated subject, a disgruntled Klingon University faculty member named "Galron" was found to have been plotting to blow up SNN Center yesterday, disguised as popular SNN reporting assistant Peter. Here is a transcript from the arrest:
FRED: "But who would have the motive? Let's take off this mask and see who you really are."
VELMA: [gasp] "Why it's Chancellor Galron, the guy who runs the haunted University!"
GALRON: "Yeah, and I would've gotten away with it too . . . if it weren't for you kids . . . and that dog!"
A careful rechecking of all SNN records reveals that this "Galron" person has been responsible for each and every major SNN screwup over the last two years. We're glad to have him brought to justice.
A major discussion is taking place in the ED over plans to introduce new technology into STF's security forces (of which we have none). Also, Mike "Deploy the fleet, Will" Ballway has reposted his Trafalgar-Class specifications.
Next Issue will be
=/\= SNN UPDATE #40 =/\=
Brian Misamore.
=/\= SNN UPDATE #39
is 100% totally the work of one deranged mind, Mike "Mike" Ballway, and speaks not for ZMP, STF, CNN of STF, or any other acronymical SNN-related construct. Indeed, while it does have a governing principle -- the Journalistic Motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting of STF Events" -- it has no Governing Principal, and must rely on Klingon Chancellors for disciplinary action. Which is why it often doesn't do things correctly and recieves tons of criticism by Email, to which you can gladly contribute at the Author's expense ("bwsc65c@prodigy.com").
=/\= Commodore Mike Ballway, Executive Editor, CNN of STF
Page Created on 19 July 1997 -- Last Updated on 10 July 1998
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