the starfleet news network | snn update archive | s.u. issue no. 44
Friday, 17 October 1997 -- Mike Ballway
=/\= SNN UPDATE =/\=
=/\= Stardate 97101.7 =/\=
Welcome back once again, after an altogether too-long (yet, c'mon, not the least bit surprising given our track record) absence, to SNN UPDATE, the one-and-only STF periodical that celebrates the end of its 3rd year in publication in four days; soon we'll be beginning our unprecedented fourth year of Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting of STF Events. It all started in October of 1994. It was a dark and stormy night, the kind that makes you glad you're nowhere near the stormfront, and someday it'll be a novel . . .
=/\= . . . BUT TODAY IT'S THE NEWS
Our Headline Story today is STF Autumn Elections 1997, which will not be held this year (or any other year, for that matter). The Greg "Overtime" Hertzsch/Owen "Overly Paranoid" Townes ticket, a.k.a. the Don't Rock The Boat Party, were unopposed back in September when the planned elections were still a news story, so there'll be no Massive Governmental Upheaval this year
The Starfleet Academy began announcing winners for the 1997 Awards this week, with Nick "My 'Days AWOL' Number Is Bigger Than Yours" Oven edging out all competition for the Mike Barclay Award for Conspicuous Absence. The Internet Director, who has barely been heard from since mid-August, drew harsh criticism from President Greg "Get your fat *ss down to your ship . . . wussy!" Hertzsch in a 14 October post. Nick's absence from his USS Victorious captaincy has caused RPG confusion, activity declination, and a sharp dropoff of sales at the SB93 Homemade Donut Shoppe.
No donuts were affected when SNN UPDATE's seester publication, the Brand-Spankin' New WeBB circular "WeBBsights," went operational two weeks ago. The new newsletter, devoted entirely to STF on the Web, is from the same wonderful people who bring you this one, but is way more colorful. If you wish to see this beauty of Web Journalism, point your browser to [s-f.c/members/zmp/ws971010.html]. However, an extra-large bowl of blue jello WAS transported into Dimension X when the inaugural issue was uploaded.
Rumor has it that Barcbutt, an old STFer also known by the nickname "Mike Barclay," has been promoted to Commodore and is Fleet Commander of F4. Now, ordinarily we wouldn't print a rumor like this, but seeing as how Barcbutt is about 3 months AWOL and Fleet 4 does not exist, how could we resist, really?
Absolutely nothing happened in the ED. Really.
Certain very lucky members of Command recieved Mike "John Hancock" Ballway's proposed STF Charter on 17 October. The Charter, which will soon be posted on the Web (I promise!), if ratified, will serve as a central document of STF law
In related news, Mike "And in Tokyo . . . 3:00am" Ballway is once again trying to organize an STF CHAT meet. All interested parties, especially those with ideas on how to involved the WeBBsters, come on down to "STF CHAT MEET."
For those of you living under rocks, or at least those of you not on the WeBB, here are two reasons to fear STF (that is, two in addition to those you already knew):
- STF is now an international club (France and Israel);
- F3 has a ship called the "USS Montgomery."
=/\= SNN UPDATE #44,
a fine piece of late 20th-Century American literature, has been pondered, examined, rewritten, and published by CNN of STF and Zygweebil Mufasa Productions, Ltd., and (as future English teachers will no doubt note) is a fine example of the Journalistic Motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting" of STF Events. The opinions expressed herein, no matter how debonair or cultured, are not necessarily those of STF management. All interview-with-the-author requests, book-club invitations, and literary award nomination notices may be addressed to The Editor,
--Commodore Michael J. "Rennaisance Man" Ballway (bwsc65c)
Page Created on 18 October 1997 -- Last Updated on 10 July 1998
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