the starfleet news network | snn update archive | s.u. issue no. 45
Saturday, 25 October 1997 -- Mike Ballway
=/\= SNN UPDATE =/\=
=/\= Stardate 97102.5 =/\=
That's right, folks, the evil Penguin is on the loose and only one man can stop him -- SNN UPDATE. Welcome back once again to SNN Center here in Gotham City where Pete is working on creating hokey Bat-expressions through use of the word "holy." How's it going, eh Pete?
"I got 'Holy Sisko.' Do you need anything else?"
That's not good enough. For one, it ain't hokey. And for another, it doesn't adequately describe today's issue, which is chock-full of STF misinformation. Read on.
=/\= BAT-NEWS
Our top story tonight concerns the commissioning of the unprecedented STF Fleet Four on the WeBB. The new Fleet, to be led by the USS Montgomery, two ships to be named later, and one second-round draft pick, will be the first fleet since the Midyette days to use a Fleetwide RPG. Our sources tell us (thanks Pete) that the plot planned for F4's inaugural mission is one of an invasion of the Federation by another species, possibly (remember that this is still unconfirmed) the Ewoks. The first FComm of F4 will be Jeff "The Full Monty" Field.
In unrelated news, the STF Engineering Department, after a hostile takeover by WayneCo. Enterprises, has shown remarkable signs of, er, life. EDir Owen "Mr. Freeze" Townes has begun to (gasp!) ask for updates on the status of the various projects currently under investigation by the ED.
STF President Greg "The Joker" Hertzsch tried again to resurrect the wildly <adjective> McParty VI on 25 October, suggesting that that venue be used for a Halloween party to replace the traditional STNG Halloween Party, which will not be being held this year due to the fact that STNG is experiencing severe personnel problems, possibly due to the fact that the club ceased operations last year. However, the normal STNG HP rules apply: dress as your favorite Bat-character, don't be a stranger, and for heaven's sake, NO COKE. Only you can help make this year's McHalloween Party a truly <adjective> one.
Plans for the Olympic-Class ship proposal can be reached at [s-f.c/olympic.html], according to inside Engineering contacts (thanks again, Pete!). The ship is reported to be a lot like the Aurora, a lot like the Trafalgar, and a lot like chicken, only spicier. The designer of the ship is Captain Mike "The Scarecrow" Bourdaa.
STF President Greg "The Riddler" Hertzsch, who was not challenged in the last Presidential election (paving the way for his eventual victory in that contest), has nonetheless decided to shake things up a bit and will be reconfiguring his cabinet. All those with any experience in interior design or feng shui are asked to-- no, just kidding, he's reconfiguring his Cabinet, and all those wishing to Serve the People as a member of the Party should contact Comrade Hertzsch at his office ("STF - PREZ OFC")
Writing this UPDATE
Was not hard to do; alas
This is too much space.
=/\= SNN UPDATE #45
just fired Jim Carrey and has its doubts about Jack Nicholson. Furthermore, it has accumulated great wealth over the years by sticking to the Journalistic Motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting of STF Events" and owns a secret crimelab beneath its sprawling estate. SNN UPDATE is not responsible for the content of the above note, especially not the haiku that was hastily put together to fill space. Any comments should be emailed to the Editor. Don't miss the next exciting issue of SNN UPDATE, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel.
--Cdre. Mike "bwsc65c" Ballway, Executive Editor, CNN of STF
Page Created on 26 October 1997 -- Last Updated on 10 July 1998
© 1997-98 Zygweebil Mufasa Productions, Ltd. - [Feedback]