the starfleet news network | snn update archive | s.u. issue no. 48
Tuesday, 9 December 1997 -- Mike Ballway
=/\= SNN UPDATE =/\=
=/\= Stardate 97120.9 =/\=
Chicago Tribune, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Orlando Sentinel, Washington Post, Detroit Free Press, Toronto Star, Dallas Morning News, San Francisco Chronicle, Wall Street Journal, Atlanta Constitution, Arizona Republic. . . .
Welcome back once again to SNN Center where we've got at least a dozen respectable newspapers that we could be sending to you . . . but we're sending you SNN UPDATE instead. Today's issue, you see, is both cheaper and shorter.
=/\= THE NEWS
WeBBsights, also known as "SNN gone Internet," has announced a contest to name Fleet Four, which lacks a nickname of the "Foremost," "Great White," and "Coreward" tradition. Send all name ideas to the Editor.
STF President Greg "That's right. I want a GDMF Big Mac" Hertzsch, now that his job is secure for another seven months, has begun pandering to constituents' concerns . . . wait, am I reading this right? Yes! It turns out that the GDMF Prez has been paying attention to his subordinates, or at least his *P subordinates. Read "STF - PREZ OFFICE" for more on this shocking development.
Commodore Mike "Luke! It's a traP!" Bourdaa is proposing a pan-Prodigy Academy-Library of sorts. The only opponent to this plan so far is SNN Executive Editor Mike "I don't think so, Tim" Ballway, which is a good indication that this plan needs a lot of work <g>. No, seriously, it is an important issue right now, so read the Prez Office.
In a totally unrelated story, Captain Mark "Me gusta escribir frases increibles en español" Wilson is the star student of the Academy's new Foreign Language program. The program consists mainly of Mark writing slightly-off-color Spanish sentances. Other participants in the festivities include Mike "Te gusta que?" Ballway and Phil "No entiendo" Bishop.
The latest issue of WeBBsights is up, detailing not only WeBB trivia such as the Rise of Siskoism and STF's new Lingua Franca, but also this shocker: Ex-Flag Admiral Franco "The Infamous Cheese" Torres, who led STF through the Platt Scandals and was succeeded by Jim "The Big Trouble" Midyette, has accepted a promotion to Captain and is now CO of Fleet Three's USS Dresden. Be afraid, be very afraid!
SNN UPDATE would like to extend a warm "welcome back" to Emily "STNG President-for-life" Braunstein, whom we said was AWOL last issue. We also said that she was from the Ark Angel, which shows that you can't trust everything we say. Emily is back to her normal self on the Aurora.
In other news, the McParty VI is dead.
Starfleet Security has issued an A.P.B. for the immediate detention and questioning of one Jeff "Your Livestock Source" Field, reported to be impersonating Superman. Jeff is serving as GM on no less than 7 ships, CO on the Montgomery, XO on the Ares and our own Ark Angel, and Strategic Operations Officer on Outpost 42. This is all in addition to his capacity as FComm-4. The subject is considered armed, dangerous, and endowed with too much free time. How does he do it? Has he no life, or what?
=/\= SNN UPDATE #48
was hastily put together by Mike "Botch job? No, no, this is SNN. We call that 'standard.'" Ballway. Mike makes no guarantees as to the quality of his reporting, only the quantity, which as you can see ran all four screens allotted today (wow!). If you have any comments on our formatting, fact-finding, or fingernails, reply here or email reply to the Editor. Mike does subscribe to the Journalistic Motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting of STF Events," and may or may not subscribe to any of the newspapers listed above.
--Cdre. Mike "bwsc65c" Ballway, Executive Editor, CNN of STF
Page Created on 23 December 1997 -- Last Updated on 10 July 1998
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