the starfleet news network | snn update archive | s.u. issue no. 51
Sunday, 11 January 1998 -- Mike Ballway
=/\= SNN UPDATE =/\=
=/\= Stardate 98011.1 =/\=
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(SNN UPDATE is a registered trademark of Zygweebil Mufasa Productions, Ltd. No portion of this program may be rebroadcast or retransmitted without expressed written consent of ZMP. Blue Jello is superior to Pink and Green. MSRP $1,701. This film is not yet rated. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear. Unleaded fuel only.)
=/\= THE NEWS
STF President Greg "Tell me if this" Hertzsch may be readying the ol' CONDEMNED stamp again. On 1 January the Prez alluded in an ED note to a possible shutdown of the USS Aurora if the RPG there doesn't pick up. Any action of this sort is still in planning stages, though. Commodore Aaron "I'll run my own little STF web empire myself, thank you very much" Holland was not available for comment.
The Ghost of Jason Brocklesby, in a surprising Fleet One cameo yesterday, burst into Commander Randy "The Missing Cheese" McCullick's office, stating that if the Aurora is decommed, he (Brocklesby) will resign. An SNN reporter (Pete) who caught up with Jason later on found him (Jason) to be "annoyed at the fact that McCullick is no longer on active duty, and therefore nobody heard his (Jason's) rant." Latest rumors place Brocklesby at the head of the line to enter the McParty VI.
RPGs continue on the Ark Angel and the Victorious, with Vicky officers recieving complete educations in German, French, and most of all Spanish, in addition to complaining about the Phasers, some guy named Klinton, and (whoa!) advancing the plot.
In related news, Phil "Jello Green is people! Can't you see? It's PEOPLE!" Bishop and STF President Greg "Ouch, you shot me, that really" Hertzsch are reported to be reviving the old Jello Wars conflict, which pitted STFer against STFer against STFer against the occasional STNGer back in 1996. The conflict was at that time based in the "STF0" area and was recently restarted, shortly, at the ill-fated McParty VI. This newest incarnation has, for now, been confined to Alan Felts' quarters on the Vicky.
Sidebar SNN Poll -- respond by reply: How many of you out there, by acclamation, think we've done too many puns on STF President Greg "One cycle per second is equal to 1" Hertzsch's name? Really? That many? Well, whose name should we pun then?
Both Mark "Periodismo amarilloso" Wilson and Jeff "Winner of the 1997 Starfleet Academy 'Owen Townes' Award for Best Portrayal of a Malevolent Dictator Without Holding Supreme Executive Power Over Jack Squat" Field have published recent columns on the Starfleet News Network, proving conclusively that lunacy is contagious.
Mark "Bristol-Meyer-Squibb" Wilson, CO of the Vicky, is leading the campaign against the hateful Exploding Farm Animals rage spreading across STF wherever Jeff "E-I-E-I-Oh no!" Field goes. Wilson, caught by a hidden camera at the Felts Birthday Celebration, made a stand against "Edible Microchips" also, so maybe it's just his medication.
=/\= SNN UPDATE #51
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--Commodore Mike "bwsc65c" Ballway, Executive Editor, SNN
Page Created on 16 January 1998 -- Last Updated on 10 July 1998
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