the starfleet news network | snn update archive | s.u. issue no. 54
Tuesday, 24 February 1998 -- Mike Ballway
=/\= SNN UPDATE =/\=
=/\= Stardate 98022.4 =/\=
So now we're dead? I don't think so.
Three weeks is a long time without writing? So what?
Welcome back once again to SNN Center, where we continue to bring you SNN UPDATE. Today's issue is underwritten in part by Delayed Reaction Incorporated, maker of fine dilithium/matter-antimatter power generators, the United Federation of Planets Endowment for the Arts, and by a grant from the Crazy Fund, "providing entertainment for the sane."
=/\= THE NEWS
Our top story tonight is the surprise return of Randy E. "The Big Mac and Cheese" McCullick, the former STF "PREMsident" who served in that capacity from April 1996 through January 1997. In late 1996, on the eve of the election that passed the torch of power to STF President Greg "Deep Space Nine sucks. Let's watch South Park, huh huh huh" Hertzsch, R.E. disappeared, never to be heard from again -- until now. Randy explained in a note in [STF OLD MEMBERS] that until 1 February he had been in deep financial troubles. Rumor has it that he has taken up a position on the WeBB. Whether this is true or not, however -- Welcome back, Randy, from your friends at SNN!
In other news, last night's CHAT meet was a moderate success, as these things go. At one point a grand total of 6 (yes, six) CHATters discussed such diverse topics as the Articles of Organization proposal, the plan to move STF2 to the WeBB in June, and -- say it with me -- "South Park." STF CHATters included Cray Z (Mike B.), Kavox (Mike B.), The Road Man (Greg H.), Flubbs (Nick O. -- alive!), and Gattaca (Phil B.). The CHAT Meet was at 8pm CT.
As you may have inferred from our last story, a somewhat-new plan for an STF constitution, the Articles of Organization, has been proposed by Mike "John Hancock is also the third-largest building in Chicago" Ballway. The new AO is very much like the old STF Charter, but has minor differences. A lively debate has already sprung up on the WeBB about some of the more controversial clauses; the source of this controversey itself is available on the Web at [s-f.c/snn/articles/].
"Surreal," my friends, is the word that perhaps best describes the current phrase of the Jello Wars epic. Two major struggles appear to be taking place, one pitting the combined forces of Brown Jello (STF President Greg "Comrade Hankey" Hertzsch with help from Beavis and Butthead) and Aqua Jello (Alan "You killed Kenny!" Felts with the rest of the South Park contingent) against Black Jello (Owen "Thought Police" Townes doing a Darth Vader impression), and the other showcasing the struggle of Phil "Nowhere Man Rules" Bishop's Lime Jello against Owen "I've got some Jello and I want to paint it black" Townes' Black Jello. Also, Mark "Siempre hay espacio por J-E-L-L-O" Wilson is in there somewhere as C-in-C of the Cherry fleet.
Historical SNN! Reports from 21 February 1997: STF President Greg "I had forgotten about that!" Hertzsch appointed his new Cabinet; Tim "GI Joe Fleet" Reilley motioned to impeach Greg; Owen "Iconoclast?" Townes spouted nonsense about the Thought Police. And we told you!
=/\= SNN UPDATE #54
was published one year and three days after SNN UPDATE #36, from which the summaries in our last article were taken. Both editions subscribed to the Journalistic Motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting of STF Events." Neither subscribed to UFP News & Universe Report, nor did either believe that such a publication existed. Programming on this channel is made possible by the Nick Oven Foundation: Helping People Disappear At Only Twice The Retail Cost, by the Corporation for Public Disinformation, and by the continuing gullibility of Viewers Like You.
--Commodore Mike "bwsc65c" Ballway, Executive Editor, SNN
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