the starfleet news network | snn update archive | s.u. issue no. 58
Tuesday, 7 July 1998 -- Mike Ballway
=/\= SNN UPDATE =/\=
=/\= Stardate 98070.7 =/\=
OK, you can quit sniping, griping, and writing alternate newsletters . . . Election Results are in, and SNN is back.
Welcome back once again to SNN Center in Chicago, featuring statues of Genesun Han and Mike Cathcart, plus possibly Richard Daley. Today we've got news, news, more news, and even some STF happenings.
=/\= THE BOURDAA ADMINISTRATION
That's right, you read it correctly, Mike "Kavox calling" Bourdaa has won the Prez Election with 25 votes, as compared to STF ex-President Greg "GDMF private citizen" Hertzsch's 12 and Mark "The type of people who don't campaign on Prodigy" Loganbach's 3. Mike and his running mate, Randy "Vice-PREMsident" McCullick, both have prior experience in STF government (Randy was President in '96; Mike has been grand poo-bah of the WeBB since mid-'97). Voting ended on 29 June but results-reporting was delayed until 4 July for the WeBB and 7 July for Prodigy. The Election Coordinator has apologized for the wait.
New Prez Mike "Hey, where did the CHAT meet go?" Bourdaa announced his temporary cabinet on 5 June, proclaiming it to be made of solid oak, with a nice finish and curly embellishments on the side. The cabinet was immediately put up for auction in London, before people realized that this article was a joke, and a bad one at that.
New Prez Mike "Yes, 'real' is an adverb!" Bourdaa announced his temporary cabinet on 5 June, in a darnright serious Edict, and it looks like this:
- PDir: Cmdr. Greg "Center seat, goodbye" Hertzsch;
- aEDir: Capt. Colin "Make it cloak!" Wyers (temporary);
- GMDir: Capt. Deanne "DD" Morgan (retained);
- IDir: Capt. Nick "AWOL" Oven (retained);
- aFC-1: Capt. Dennis "Plumb job" Hannigan (temporary)
- FC-2: Cdre. Mike "Good guy" Ballway (retained; temp.);
- aFC-3: Capt. Franco "Returned" Torres (temporary)
- FC-4: Capt. Larry "OK guy" Garfield;
- FC-5: FCpt. B.J. "Blue Jello" Phillips (retained);
- aACmdt: VFAdm. Randy "REM" McCullick (temporary).
Final decisions have not yet been made on FComms-1, -2, and -3, nor on EDir or ACmdt. The rest are, he assures us, his intended, final, appointments.
In related news, a mob of sympathetic ensigns (whom SNN identified as "Peter") stormed the President's office today demanding the immediate instatement of SNN Executive Editor Mike "Really good guy" Ballway as FComm-2-for-life. When told that this is not a valid position given the democratic nature of STF Command, the ensigns turned violent, exploding sheep and chucking Blue Jello at passersby. Fleet Ops-GWF denied any connection with the mob scene, stating that "That guy in the crowd, inciting the ensigns to riot, two rows back from the Prez's desk, who looks like Mike Ballway . . . that isn't him."
STF2 had another Jason Brocklesby sighting the other day, due to rumors that Prez Bourdaa will decomm the USS Apparition. All 5 Mikes in STF deny this rumor.
=/\= SNN UPDATE #58
has been a pointless rehashing of Prez Bourdaa's first Edict, interspersed with our notoriously nonhumorous humor. SNN UPDATE nonetheless remains dedicated to its Journalistic Motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting of STF Events," despite nasty rumors of accuracy every once in a while. SNN UPDATE was not in any way responsible for the delay in the election results being posted, the recent WeBB scandals, or the 1997 Chicago Cubs. OK, maybe the Cubs. But in any event, SNN UPDATE will remain blameless and classless until it becomes too much of a chore for
--Commodore Mike "bwsc65c" Ballway, Executive Editor, SNN
Page Created on 7 July 1998 -- Last Updated on 9 July 1998
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