the starfleet news network | snn update archive | s.u. issue no. 59
Thursday, 9 July 1998 -- Mike Ballway
=/\= SNN UPDATE =/\=
=/\= Stardate 98070.9 =/\=
Welcome back once again to SNN Center, where we, in our quest to bring you the absolute truth of STF happenings, the hard-hitting questions of our time, and the pointed little jokes that never quite seem so funny the second time around, present to you: Our second SNN UPDATE in three days. It's not a double feature, but it's pretty darn close.
("Yeah ... too close.")
=/\= NEWS
Former Admiral Mike "Barclay" Barcbutt has returned to active duty after a service gap of three years. The former EDir, FComm-2, CO, PDir, AProf, and O.T. entrepreneur will return as a Commodore, and CO of the new F5 ship USS Harrier, the name of which is likely to inspire not a few jokes in this and other venues-o-humor.
In other Presidentially-mandated news, the new Cheese-in-chief affirmed the job security of Commodore Mike "GWFComm" Ballway and Captains Franco "The fogeys' fogey" Torres and Den "Dennis" Hannigan as FComms-2, -3, and -1, respectively. These three fine men had until recently been handed the great injustice of a lowercase "a" denoting temporary status next to their job listings.
In Chicago, thousands of nameless ensigns cheered at a mass gathering at Wrigley Field as the latest Prez Edict was announced. The gathering, known to the reporters as a "Mike Ballway Ego Feed-Athon" was staged by a special group operating completely independently of Fleet Ops-GWF. Den "It leaks! It leaks!" Hannigan immediately phoned SB93, expressing his outrage that he was not included in the group, which was nicknamed the "plumbers unit."
With the return of Mike "Midyette campaign manager" Barclay to active service, a great many questions are being asked. "What was the Prez thinking?" is one of them (joke!), but most deal with the very stuff that holds our club together: The O.T., or, for those of you on the WeBB, the OOC. Mike -- or "Barcbutt," as he is called by friends, foes, and SNN -- is the last remaining member of the management team that brought us McTrinitron's restaurant in 1995-96, the only worthy competitor that ever competed with the Antimatter Cafe (then called "Mike's Place"). Not to be forgotten also is Mike's pivotal role as founder and first Pope of Siskoism, the religion of true STFers. Mike has been succeeded by Popes Mike II [Ballway] and Seamus [Hughes]. The religion is right now in the capable hands of Mike II since Seamus' resignation, but expect a three-way tug-o-war to begin at any moment.
President Mike "The IRCheese" Bourdaa has also reformed election law in his recent edict: [STF - PREZ OFFICE].
On the 25th of last month, Mark "Estoy de vacaciones, entonces mi buen amigo Miguel puede decir cosas malas sobre yo hasta devuelve" Wilson published an SNN Headline News article in [STF - CNN OF STF], in which he endorsed Greg "Most optimistic man in STF" Hertzsch for the Presidency. I am telling you this becuase I need to fill space at the end of this SNN UPDATE, and I can't think of any real news to put here (filled it -- whew!).
=/\= SNN UPDATE #59
will go down in the annals of STF journalism (that's two "n"s, you sicko!) as, undoubtably, the fifty-ninth SNN UPDATE. Just like so many others, it subscribes to the Journalistic Motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting of STF Events" and makes no effort to disguise the fact that it is posted to every STF*P ship's ANNOUNCE subject, SNN fleet affiliates, [STF - CNN OF STF], and SNN Center on the Web. Comments and complaints are welcome, though not as welcome as commendations, at the Editor's mailbox. No, SNN does not give refunds.
--Commodore Mike "bwsc65c" Ballway, Executive Editor, SNN
Page Created on 9 July 1998 -- Last Updated on 17 August 1998
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