the starfleet news network | snn update archive | s.u. issue no. 61
Thursday, 6 August 1998 -- Mike Ballway
=/\= SNN UPDATE =/\=
=/\= Stardate 98080.6 =/\=
Welcome back once again to SNN Center in Chicago. Wait . . . another edition of SNN UPDATE is about to start. . . .
"Good afternoon and welcome to your SNN UPDATE. My name is Mike. In today's UPDATE . . . A. Peter Peterson has a chat with the Drag Queens of #Star-Fleet . . . we explore another aspect of the New Studio . . . and special correspondent Frederick J. Foobar finds out just what it takes to be the FComm-0. But first, these are your . . ."
=/\= HEADLINES
"Hey -- we're not copying a cable TV show."
Mark "The only true STNG patriot left" Wilson, editor of the only STF publication that packs half the punch of SNN UPDATE using only two-thirds the space, has changed the format of SNN Headline News. Is this change precisely timed to pay homage to "The Daily Show's" studio renovation? Or is it precisely timed to plagiarize "The Daily Show's" idea? Check it out, boys and girls: [STF - CNN OF STF].
"Parties, war -- they always go together."
As more and more dignitaries representing various factions of the Cola, Jello, and Religious Wars pour into the WeBB FWOOC, SNN endorses STF's latest anniversary shindig with a few McParty VII: Reservations. The fighting that raged during both successful weeks of McParty VI (the Undiscovered Party) has returned, but little of the class that surrounded the McParties III or IV is evident. McHost Emmie "Pepsi . . . Coke . . . Pepsi . . . oh, I give up!" Hunt is doing her best, as are many others, but that ballroom atmosphere is still lacking.
"Sack ships' specs, steer sixth."
Now say that again, six times, fast, and untie your tongue: Colin "Detach the yellow and connect the green" Wyers will lead the newest precedent-breaker for the WeBB, Fleet Six, which already has a spot on the WeBB's dial-a-Fleet menu but, as of yet, no MOTD to speak of, nor ships. Now, FComm-5 B.J. "Or do you think it means Bajoran Jalopy? The possibilities are endless!" Phillips didn't pay too much attention to our suggestion for the Fleet Five moniker ("Fleetvs Qvintvs"), but maybe Mr. Wyers will be more impressed: "Starfleet Starship Squadron Six, Swift and Sleek and Stylish." Say that six times fast!
That's it for Headlines . . . now . . .
=/\= OTHER NEWS
WeBB-work continues on Fleet Two. Sources close to FComm Mike "Craig who?" Ballway report that Fleet Two hopefuls now number enough to fill nearly three ships, and Prez Mike "Cheese traP" Bourdaa has approved the recommissioning of the USS Constellation and the building of an Aurora-class USS Nautilus. What remains to be seen is whether or not Harrier CO Mike "Look, after being out of the club for two years, I deserve to rearrange its Command structures" Barclay will sign on as CO of a possible USS Trinitron. Fleet Two, which has also been added to the WeBB's hierarchy, will shed the Victorious when it leaves STF*Prodigy later this month. The Vicky is expected immediately to be snatched up by Fleet One.
=/\= SNN UPDATE #61
moves one issue closer to The End with this, its "Daily Show" Ripoff issue. Our head writer is Mike Ballway, not Chris Kreski. We are NOT on your Channel of Fun. We haven't renovated since 1996. Nonetheless, we feel that we do share something important with Craig Kilbourn, et al.: Our devotion to the Journalistic Motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting of STF [insert USA for them] Events." In fact, the only gulf separating us that really matters is the fact that they got to interview William Shatner, and we didn't, despite our 4,387 nice letters.
--Commodore Mike "bwsc65c" Ballway, Executive Editor, SNN
Page Created on 17 August 1998 -- Last Updated on 17 August 1998
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