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OOC: Out Of Control!
Siskoism, Sevenism find flocks
in fleets
Recent months have seen an increasing number of new religious sects
(that's sects, you pervert!) appearing in STF. The first was the
revitalization of Siskoism, under the leadership of Pope Seamus I, Pope
Emeritus Mike II, and Larry Cardinal Garfield. WeBBsights, for its
part, assures its readers that it holds absolutly no bias in favor of any
religion.
Siskoism was followed by the Church of Kirk, Janwayism, Picardism, The
Church of Seven of Nine, and The Temple of Atheism. Siskoists have been
the most active of the new religious followers, but the upstart heathens
of the Church of Seven of Nine have been holding regular meetings as well.
Inevitable strain between these differing philosophies has erupted, with
the Church of Sisko declaring a Holy War against the Church of Seven of
Nine. Siskoism Chief Financial Officer Larry "the Liquidator" has already
begun hiring mercenary accountants to bankrupt the Church of Seven of Nine,
Pope Emeritus Mike II has begun efforts to raise a real army to send against
the Church of Kirk, and the two of them together have begun efforts to
raise public consciousness of Siskoism's message by writing complimentary
articles about it in WeBBsights, believed by some to be a newsletter
read by WeBBsters. The 'Niners have chosen not to respond directly to this
threat, but instead to prattle on about how attractive Seven looks in a
skin-tight jumpsuit.
L'anglais n'est pas la Lingua
Franca du STF
In recent weeks, traP's Bar and Grill has seen a few interesting characters.
Besides the usual captains with transparent skulls, the newest fad seems
to be Frenchmen. A survey conducted by Surveys 'R' US found that in recent
posts in traP's Bar and Grill, the French language outnumbered Federation
Standard nearly three to one. It was also found that this was due to three
people -- Jean Flinois, Larry Garfield, and Mike Bourdaa -- who seem to
have taken up the hobby of discussing Seven of Nine's outfit in a language
better suited to discussions of clothing. |
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Fleet Four still
nameless & blameless
SNN, the wonderful and benevolent corporation contributing to the online
community by charitably providing STF's Fleet Four with a nickname, or
at least holding a contest wherein it encourages fools like you to do so,
announced on Tuesday that the Fleet Four Name-A-Fleet contest is still
going on, and encourages all WeBBsters to take a shot at eternal fame by
sending in their brilliant, if rediculous, ideas today. The paragons
of punnery should be e-mailed to Associate Editor Larry
Garfield. That will be all.
Tokelore legends return
The most famous family in WeBB history, the Tokes, have rejoined STF.
For those who are too new to remember them, the Tokes were a group of family
and friends who all RPed using characters with the same last name, Toke.
At their height, the Tokes included six characters and served on nearly
all of Fleet Three. They resigned en-masse shortly before the creation
of Fleet Four, after the command staff of the USS Dresden, on which
many of the Tokes were stationed, began to harass them for not saluting
the GM and interfering with his plans for fleet domination. They have returned,
however, and currently include Lt. Jenny Toke, CSO of the USS Olympic,
Ens. Kathern Toke, counselor on the USS Independence, and Lt. (j.g.)
Susana Toke, Security Chief on the USS Columbus. We at SNN wish
to welcome these fine officers back to STF, and hope that Starfleet's plans
of comissioning a USS Toke will be approved.
Scientists: 'Ensign' not a permanent
condition
The Nameless Ensigns' Weekly Standard recently reported the
discovery of a new route to promotion. According to N.E.W.S. secret
informant Peter Peterson, the crew of the USS Ares decided that
they felt like having a promotion party. Since none of them had been promoted
in a while, they decided to take matters into their own hands and began
a "nag-the-CO" campaign against Ares Captain Brennan Thomson. Although
he was initially unresponsive and later became annoyed, Thomson eventually
caved in and granted promotions to the leaders of the conspiracy. Lt. (j.g.)
Seamus Hughes was promoted to Lt. and promptly proceeded to resign, and
ringleaders Ensigns Kam Jahla and Andrew Zbikowski were both promoted to
Lt. Cmdr., just to shut them up. N.E.W.S. reported that this "nag-the-CO"
method seemed even more effective than was anticipated. Commander Churlsun
Han of the Independence is credited for having first employed this
little-known technique in Fleet Two in 1993, when he was serving as Eng-1
on the USS Constellation. He was eventually promoted to CO on the
Lexington, proving that yes, the squeaky wheel does get the proverbial
grease, or at least a captaincy. |
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STF*Prodigy News-in-Brief
Here's a nifty idea: Design a brand-new component of the club on a
medium with an almost infinite recruiting base. Re-recruit old STFers to
lead the effort, and assign most of your currently-active members to cushy
positions on the new component. Warning: do not try this at home, because
it will result in severe boredom on the part of those still on Prodigy.
Fleet Three -- The Coreward
Fleet
USS Athena, NCC-71819:
The Nameless Aliens, reputedly responsible for the death of late CO Joshua
Patrell, are the quarry of the lost Away Team led by Capt. Robinson. Now,
the Captain hasn't found the NAs yet, but then again, the rest of
the ship -- currently searching for the Captain & Co. -- haven't found
him either. In other news, anonymous Athena lurker Fleet
Captain Adam Kent (how'd he get in there?) tells us that the crew of that
ship are purposely trying to break the "least posts per day" record, currently
held by Starbase 117.
USS Brooklyn, NCC-84706:
The so-called "Brooky" is now led by (be afraid! be very afraid!) Acting
Captain Seamus Hughes, who takes over for the AWOL CO Rick Passero and
XO Amit Zuckerstein. The aCO, pledging "Death before inactivity," has high
hopes for participation in his 5-man ship. The current RPG finds the Brooky's
crew investigating a Romulan/Klingon planet where Federation hostages are
supposedly held.
USS Concorde, NCC-97123-A:
That's right folks, the New And Improved Concorde is here for the
1997 Holiday Season. Starring Your Captain, Mandy LaGuardia, and Your Cruise
Director, er, Executive Officer Thexiidan Vul, the Concorde has
been sent by Starfleet to mediate a Klingon-Loflaich-Geldeirc peace negociation.
USS Dresden, NCC-1837-B:
It all started when Lt.(jg) Tom Bateman and Lt. Flynn attempted a mutiny
against then-Dresden CO Captain Ty'ral Brak. Brak, who normally
would not stand for this kind of insolence and put down the rebellion immediately,
was AWOL at the time, which (incidentally) was the very crux of the Lieutenants'
complaints. Then, Sarah Black started complaining vociferously about the
RPG, stating that the laws of astrophysics were being violated. GameMaster
Seamus Hughes teamed up with Lt. Flynn to produce a "Bash Sarah, It's Fun"
counter-annoyance, the end result of which being a surprise visit from
B.J. Phillips, Mike Bourdaa, and Colin Wyers. Seamus Hughes resigned as
GM and Brak has been demoted to Commander and transfered to XO of the Good
Ship Montgomery. Former Monty XO Franco Torres has been assigned
as the new Dresden CO. Latest reports say that he is not AWOL. The
"Big D" had been orbiting a Maquis base, but has left the because the star
will soon go supernova. No word on the eventual fate of the 30 million
Maquis left behind.
USS Olympic, NX-80000:
The CO continues to be, shall we say, unemancipated. The other Cap'n, whom
we know only by his code name "Crunch," is also in a state of, how do you
say, imprisonment. And yes, the Olympic's crew are trying to free
the two.
Outpost 42: Dispite its
distance from the Federation proper, OP42 has been a hotbed of activity
of late. The would-be-buyer of the stolen Chalice of Rixx, the Ferengi
Qalk, was captured with the aid of Chief of Operations Patrick Henry's
beagle, Gus, a direct-line decendent of Great Dane crime-solver of the
20th century Scooby-Doo. Meanwhile, Lwaxana Troi, Daughter of the Fifth
House, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, Heir to the Holy Rings of
Betazed, has assailed the entire crew for not returning her Chalice immediately,
decided that she likes Lt. Henry's physique, and chosen to act as surrogate
parent to Tarin Imal, a seven-year-old Xian girl pickpocket. Assistant
CSS Bliht William was trying to figure out what to do with the large cluster
of people in the Security Office when Lt. Stoek arrived with Qalk, followed
immediately by Xian BLO Ztea Carr, who was planning to do her Kira Nerys
imitation but decided instead to get rough with Tarin. The whole crew of
the station was acting out a Monty Python sketch in the security
office when Arthur Durbin of Scotland Yard (Durbin of the Yard!) walked
in and arrested everyone for impersonating a Monty Python skit (a
direct violation of the Not In Front Of The Children Act). In related news,
WeBBsights' Editorial Staff was arrested today for violations of
the Proper Newsletters Don't Do This Act of 1973, namely, ending this article
by having the fuzz show up.
Starbase 117: The recent
series of assasination attempts against STF President Greg Hertzsch have
been traced to a shack in the wilderness of the Starbase, wherein lives
anarchist and technology-hater Jeff "The FComm" Kaczynski, who wishes to
remain anonymous. Police are heading to his house right now, which means
that we probably shouldn't have broadcast this story. Jeff, pretend you
didn't hear any of this. Stay where you are.
Fleet Four -- The "Hey! There's
a contest to fill this space!" Fleet
USS Alliance, NCC-82396:
Leading a Strike Wing of Starfleet and Klingon vessels, the Alliance was
ordered to take out a Crag mining colony on Debalto V, which, thanks to
our good friend Kahn Sing, is the fourth planet in the Debalto system.
The initial attack wave on the Crag forces proved sucessful, with the slight
exception of the Crag boarding party on the Alliance itself. They were
thwarted, however, by the new phaser-forcefields in place on the Alliance,
brainchild of CTO Owen Ashcroft. Most of the Crag were killed, but a few
were captured, the first Crag POWs. The Alliance suffered heavy damage,
and is effecting repairs in the system's asteroid belt while the rest of
the Wing takes out the remaining Crag ships and the Crag mining station.
USS Ares, NCC-qu'est-ce-que-c'est,-un-<<registrie?>>:
The vast empire the Ares found in the alternate universe has actually
turned out to be the Oceania Starfleet, one of three political entities
on the alternate Earth. The command staff has gone to the alternate Earth
to speak with the "Leader" of Oceania, who may or may not resemble the
picture of Big Brother used by Oceania communications. The reason why the
arboretum has moved up a deck is still under investigation. Meanwhile,
the Dead Poets Society has been restarted aboard the Ares, with
the most interesting new creation to date not being about South Park, the
official TV show of the USS Ares, but a new quote from COS Kam Jahla:
"Down by the bay, where the watermelons grow, back to my home, I dare not
go, for if I do, my mother will say, did you ever see a Llama Wearing Pajamas,
down by the bay . . . ."
USS Columbus, NX-97000:
The Columbus and its Strike Wing found the front line wave of Starfleet
ships destroyed while attacking the Crag in the Zeta system, the largest
star system known to science, streaching all the way from the Badlands
past Outpost 42 and all the way into Romulan space. The Crag attacked the
Strike Wing, resulting in severe damage to the ship and numerous casualties
which couldn't be treated since the entire medical staff was trapped in
the pattern buffer. The Crag broke off their attack, however, to join in
a Borg battle on the other side of the system. How the Borg got there is
still under investigation. In other news, 3D Realms and Paramount have
both filed suit against Columbus Engineer Ford Danub for using the
Duke Nukem Engine to make a replica of an Intrepid-class bridge
and calling it a Columbus-class bridge.
USS Independence, NX-98311:
After the Crag heading for Vulcan were stopped by classified means (nobody
knows how it happened, it just happened), the Columbus was ordered
to help put down a rebellion against the Romulan government. The away team
of Starfleet officers and Tal'Shiar operatives was attacked almost immediately,
with severe casualites before one of the friendly Romulan warbirds crash-landed
right on top of a town that had just been blown to pieces by some orbiting
Romulan ship. Meanwhile, the Independence left the away team to
investigate the nearby star that was supposed to be there but wasn't. Investigation
found signs of a nuclear reaction inside one of the planets which had caused
the destruction of the entire system including the star. The study was
cut short by a distress call from the Romulan ships saying that they were
under attack and several ships had been lost, including the Independence.
What that means is still under investigation.
USS Montgomery, NCC-84704:
Nameless Ensign #46 has filed a suit against Starfleet Command for conspiring
to kill everyone on the Monty . . . again. In the latest in a series of
suicide missions, the Montgomery was ordered to lead its Strike
Wing against the main Crag command center, where it found approximately
1,342.3 Crag ships, a slight threat for the Monty Wing of 11 ships plus
assorted fighters. Things at least seemed manageable until they
encountered a minefield, after which things got ugly. NE#23 was killed
when in Engineering during a warp core ejection, so the Monty is now missing
a warp core and an ensign [ooh, big loss there! The ensign, I mean --Ed.].
Quick action on the part of the rest of the Engineering staff, without
the knowledge or consent of the bridge crew, managed to use the ship's
Subspace Shockwave Generator to clear an escape path, and the entire Wing,
or what is left of it, is retreating as fast as possible. A short list
of the Montgomery's accomplishments to date: 2 bridges destroyed,
one crash landing, and one warp core ejection. Not bad for a ship with
only 100 crew.
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