WeBBsights #8

WeBBsights
-- YOUR #1 SOURCE FOR WeBB MISINFORMATION -- Issue 8 - Sunday, 1 February 1998 - A Publication of the Starfleet News Network and ZMP Limited
H E A D L I N E S T O R Y	Return of the STFers It's an invasion of fogeys! Many people may have noticed that recently a topic called "Nostalgia" has sprung up in the OOC HQ area. So far, it has been populated by strange people talking about "the old days." Well, these people aren't strangers; they're former STFers who have come back into the fold. Don't be afraid, they don't bite. In fact, some of them are quite nice people. SNN has taken the considerable trouble and mental pain of interviewing some of them, and for your continuing STF education, here's what they had to say: Franco Torres, former Leader Franco was a founding member of STF, way back in 1992. He left STF when he transferred to a boarding school that didn't have Internet access. He later learned of the WeBB from another ex-STFer, Former Fleet Admiral Taiga Takahashi, whom he ran into at a campus book store, and jumped at the thought of returning to his old bed of conspiracy. Those who remember him personally will be pleased to note that the Platts do not appear to have returned with him. In his day, Franco, who is not related to the ex-dictator of Spain or a Klingon engineer [yeah, right, we've heard that story before! --Ed.], was the second supreme dictator, ruler, despot, Flag Admiral, and all-around Boss of STF, back before we evolved to a more-enlightened system of openly re-electing of Greg Hertzsch every year. After serving as XO on the USS Montgomery, Franco was transferred to become the CO of the USS Dresden, where he currently resides. Jerry Phelps, also former President Jerry is another famous, or perhaps infamous, ex-leader of STF. Anyone who has read "No Regrets, The Jim Midyette Story," and those of you who will stop reading this article now and go read it, will recognize Jerry as Admiral ~Z~, who took over from Midyette in 1994, and three months later lost his Presidency to that same Midyette in a general election (the Prez had a shorter term back then). ~Z~ left STF due to lack of sufficient free time, but has now returned to us as the CSO of the USS Columbus, where he has developed a split personality. Where did he get the name "~Z~?" It's short for Ziqqurratu (or Ziggurat, depending on whom you ask). Trust us, you don't what to know where that comes from. No, we're not kidding you, you don't. Oh, all right, if you insist, you can access our Special Report on the Ziqqurratu. But don't say we didn't warn you! Adam J. Steiner, dedicated STFP officer* Adam never really left STF, but has until now hidden himself on Prodigy. He really is named Adam Steiner, and has nothing to do with BattleTech. He has been with STF for five years, making him one of the more seasoned members of the club ("Seasoned. That's a horrible thing to say to a man."). So far, Adam has confined himself to the good-old-days discussions in OOC HQ, but it wouldn't be surprising if he began a take over of the WeBB soon. Suzan Isik STF has probably never had a greater impact on someone's life than it has on Sue Isik, who first joined in 1994. "When I was first in STF," she says, "I began to have some thoughts about suicide. STF became really important to me then. It was literally a life-saver." After she left, she felt as if she had a hole inside her. "I tried to refill it, but ulimately, I had to rejoin STF to rid myself of that nasty hole inside." In response to the recent controversy in the ED, Sue feels that "little boys need to grow up and get over what's not the topic." (Are you listening, Owen and Aaron?) Suzan has now returned as the XO of the USS Olympic, as Jolanne Jaxa, which was her RPG name when she was on STFProdigy. And there's more!* Other recent returnees who were unavailable for comment include Adam Sabado, AWOL CE of the USS Alliance; Emmie Hunt, the XO on the USS Dresden who has managed to make the RPG actually move further than one light-year; Athena Counselor Kim Newsome, and Michael Kosteva of the USS Dresden and USS Condorde, who is currently on an Approved Leave of Absence. The infamous Mike "Barclay" Barcbutt was sighted on the USS Ares several months ago, but never reported for duty. Turning back the clock a bit, the most controversial person in STF history -- Jim Midyette -- was sighted logging in to the WeBB last summer, but was able to avoid our efforts to hunt him down and pump him for information. Not to be forgotten, of course, are such luminaries as Colin Wyers, Jeff Field, Mike Bourdaa and Owen Townes, who were with STFProdigy a long time ago, then with it a short time ago, and are now serving concurrently on both media. Adam Steiner (see above and stop reading this newsletter out of order) also revealed that he is trying to bring back some other notable ex-STFers, among them former STF President Jim "The Big Cheese" Midyette, former Vice-President Ryan Lucas, and former Victorious* COs Emily Chen, Adam Scurr, Colleen Hernandez, and (later FComm-3) Tobias Hoy. All deny allegations that the influx of old members is an attempt to usurp power by force. However, rumors comming out of Risa suggest that they do plan to fix the next election; Greg, watch your wallet.
THE NEWS
T H E N E W S	Personality Focus: Jeff Field, The Man of Too Many Faces You know his name. You know his game. But who is Jeff Field? That's the question we set out to answer. SNN Correspondent Gerry Lake was able to track Jeff down near the petting zoo in Newark, New Jersey and forced him, under extreme interrogation, to reveal his true identity. Jeff, 15, first joined STF back on Prodigy around 1994, when he took part in not only STF but numerous other RPG clubs, two of which he ran with the aid of Owen Townes. He left in 1996 or so due to lack of funding for a Prodigy account. When the WeBB opened up, Owen and Greg Hertzsch spammed him with "join!" mesages, and Greg even bribed him with a loaned Prodigy account. As a result, Jeff came back in full force in September of 1997, and has since become more people than most of us can claim to know. He currently plays FComm-4 Commodore Jeff Field, CE of the USS Concorde, Captain Dalk of the IKS chunDab, Commander Field, XO/GM of the Ark Angel in Fleet 2, GM of the USS Aurora, GM of the USS Independence, and GM of the USS Columbus. As if that weren't enough, he recently killed off characters on the USS Olympic, the USS Dresden, the USS Victorious of Fleet 2 [aye, we'll miss ye, laddie --Ed., who serves on the Vicky], and the USS Brooklyn. Currently a high school sophomore in New Jersey, Jeff is already planning to attend Penn State, which his current romantic interest, fellow STFer Captain Mandy La Guardia, will be attending next year. Jeff looks forward to them being at the same school soon, as she now lives three states away in Virginia. (For more information on this hot couple, read through this newsletter down to MicroNews. Read the Trinitron article in between. Do not skip articles.) He is also an avid gamer, and has beta tested most of Blizzard Software's games. Expect him ot be spending all his time on the most recent beta release of Starcraft by the time you read this. SNN test-flies the Trinitron One of the oldest classes in STF is the Trinitron class. Dating back to 1994, it has gained recognition for the fact that it has never had a consistent set of specifications. Well, no more! Nick Oven has proposed a set of specs for the Trinitron which look like they stand a good chance of being ratified. Although the current specs are accessible in the Engineering Department, Mr. Oven asked SNN Special Correspondent Theodore Striker to give the new-and-improved prototype a test flight near the proving grounds on Zeta III. Ted reported that the Trinitron performed quite well, especially after 2 milion credits were mysteriously deposited in SNN's back account. [Oh, we weren't supposed ot mention that? Uh, never mind. --Ed.] We found the hull quite stable, even when we tried kicking the tires with jack boots. Although the Microsoft Vessel® software crashed on us several times when we tried to fire more than one phaser beam at once, it is forgivable in light of the snazzy new interface, including the "My Starship" icon and the "Component-Molecule Integrator/Disintegrator Bin." Using the ship's new type-XX phaser arrays, we were able to level three cities on Zeta colony, causing casualties so high that we won't tell you what they are for fear of making ourselves look bad. The new EMH system is very nice, and the holo-doc even has a bedside manner! The double-shielding system protected the ship against several attacks by our trained ship-killer pilots, however, it showed a weakness when hit from more than 3.141592 directions at once. In all, a solid addition to the ever growing fleet of STF. Note to Townes, Wyers, Field, Bourdaa, Holland, Ballway, and any other STFer who plans to design a ship in the near future: Checks can be mailed directly to WeBBsights, 22 SNN Center, Chicago, Illinois, 60680. Sorry, no C.O.D.s MicroNews by Daffy Trump, SNN Society Editor [We told you not to read out of order. Now go aback up there and finish the Trinitron article now. --Ed.] For those of you who are wondering what happened to Jeff Field and his sheep, the reason they have been less than explosive in their appearances lately is that Jeff has sworn off sheep, now that he has a real relationship with a real human being. Jeff has recently begun a relationship with fellow STFer Mandy La Guardia, despite the fact that he lives in New Jersey and she lives in Virginia. A more complete discription of the affair, including pictures (no, not those kinds of pictures, sicko!), is available at Jeff & Mandy's Web site. We at WeBBsights wish the both of them the best of luck. Expect to see exploding Mandys appearing soon. ED Crisis Update: Believing that the current Engineering Council system is undemocratic (why, EDir Owen Townes won't even call it a "Council") and does not offer everyone a chance to speak, not-Councilman Seamus Hughes has quit the not-EC. Fellow not-Councilman Jean Flinois has also resigned, citing lack of time to fulfill his duties. Mr. Townes has appointed Paula Kirk as replacement for Seamus, and is still considering possible replacements for Jean. Commodore Aaron Holland continues to accuse Owen of tyrannical behavior, while Owen continues to state that Aaron doesn't understand what real democracy is. Recent ammunition in the battle has included "liar," "bullshit," "jackass," "ignorant," "meenie," and "You mother flies a shuttlecraft." Two third voices (that sounds weird, doesn't it? You'd think it would be "one fourth voice and one third voice," but it's not) in the debate, Larry Garfield on the WeBB and Mike Ballway on Prodigy, not working in tandem, continue to try and run a middle road, but are so far unsucessful in light of the two giants. It is recommended that everyone read the recent notes in the OOC HQ. Not only will they eventually change the nature of STF, but they are darn funny as well [yeah, a whole lot darn funnier than this column. Daffy, you're fired! --Ed.]. Trek Trivia Email all trivia answers to The Editors. Be sure to sign your name, rank, ship, and fleet. Top 3 winners get their names printed in the next issue! How many characters does Jeff Field currently hold? What is the current casualty list for USS Montgomery hardware components? How many offices did Jeff Field blow up with exploding farm animals? Name the Presidents, Leaders, and Dictators of STF, in reverse order. Note: despite what you may think of them, Owen Townes is not currently a clubwide STF dictator, nor are your fleet commanders, so don't even think it.
FLEET BEAT
F L E E T B E A T	STFProdigy News-in-Brief* SNN UPDATE has been doing pretty well, with two new issues up since the last WeBBsights. Recent news items from the first two fleets include the rejuvenated Jello (Jell-O) Wars and the ED bickering. Check out these two works of fine journalism at The SNN UPDATE Index. Fleet Three -- The Coreward Fleet by Seamus Hughes USS Athena, NCC-71819: Captain Charles Robinson is still crazy. But now he seems to be crazy and have a pet. Robinson has been seen petting a stuffed cat, for no apparent reason. The only honor this ship has left is that Jeff Field is not serving on it. Some of the crewmembers are on SB117, investigating the bombing, and the rest are on the Athena, trying to ruin Kavox Cox's good name, such as it is. USS Brooklyn, NCC-84706: It hard being the fastest-moving RPG ship in the fleet but someone has to do it. The only problem with that is, the rest of the Fleet is behind the Brooky's RPG, so they are trying hard to catch up. Now, back to the RPG. The Brooky's crew of 120 manages to get to runabouts and go to SB 117, to "borrow" the USS Boston, another Trafalgar-class ship. Dr. Reënigne Toidi, professor of Engineering at Pakled University, has been unable to explian how they wre able to fit 120 people into 2 runabouts. "2 runabouts is not enough to make them go," he told WeBBsights correspondent Elliot Carver. "It is not enough to make them strong. Can you make them strong? Help us make them strong, Elliot." They [the crewmen] were able to grab the ship and get away, thanks to infighting on the USS Darwin that delayed an attack on them. Also, there have been some real questions why Jeff Field is not serving on this ship too. Where's Janet Reno when you need her? USS Concorde, NCC-97123-B: Well, if you read the last issue of WeBBsights you will see the same exact RPG going on . . . and at the same point too. So we at WeBBsights are going to focus on a much more interesting topic: The crew. The crew on the Concorde is a very strange one, filled with psychotic science officers and seducitve security personnel. Oh, wait, that's the Fox network. . . . Well, one thing is for sure, Jeff Field serves on this ship too. USS Dresden, NCC-1837-B: Dispite its history of inactivity, the Dresden, under the leadership of XO Emmie Hunt, is making a valiant strive to win the posting war. The intrepid RPers of the Dres are still looking for the ship that is trading illegally with the Romulans, but they haven't found it. They also still haven't picked up the USS Boston on long range sensors, even though it is headed right for them. It is possible that Jeff Field is related somehow to all of this, but then again, what in STF is he not related to? USS Olympic, NX-80000: Lots has happened since we last left the Oly. In paticular, the Olymipic has finally reached Earth. The ambassador has been transported to the Oly and they are now figuring out how to clear Kavox's name and then save his life. The Oly's crewmembers also (intrigue! intrigue!) have a spy in their midst. Someone has gotten into the Oly and is now causing that sort of chaos that makes reporters drool. The XO is almosts dead, so the mission cannot be considered a total loss. Hard as it is to believe, Jeff Field is not serving on this ship either. Outpost 42: The infighting between Fleet Captain John Phelps and Captain Paula Kirk over control of the station and the Fleet continues. Phelps has taken most of the senior staff aboard the SS Hughes to rendezvous with the USS Darwin and has left Counselor Colin Wyers in charge of the station. Upon arrival, Phelps transfered the flag to the Darwin and gave Kirk command of the ship. The Darwin, Athena, and Starlight were ordered to keep the renegade crew of the USS Brooklyn from stealing the USS Boston to hunt down the mysterious Hopper. When Hughes & company arrived, however, COO Henry refused to fire on him and CSS Stoek also refused to act, referring to information that Phelps' bodyguard, Ens. Guido, had overheard Phelps and Captain Tartikov of the Starlight plotting to harm Hughes without a fair trial. A message has also been recieved from the station that Starfleet Intel wants Hughes to be left alone and allowed to borrow the Boston, an order that Phelps has ignored, suspecting that it is forged. While all this was happening, Captian Hughes and his crew were able to steal the Boston and transport Commodore Kavox off of the Athena. The Darwin, dispite computer lockouts by Stoek, is in pursuit of the Boston. Fleet Four -- The Forceful Fleet by Larry Garfield USS Alliance, NCC-82396: The Alliance has recieved the members of the Crag exchange team, including members of their military, actors, musicians, industrial leaders, and Nameless Bobs (The Crag version of Nameless Ensigns). Although initial contact appeared amiable, it was discovered that some of the Crag were in fact infiltrators called Seetha, from the planet Sith. The Seetha are naturally-reptilian semi-shapeshifters who were conquered by the Crag during the Overlord Expansion, and are apparently trying to interfere with the Federation admission process. In other news, Captain William Bligh has provisionally permitted genetically-enginereed CTO Owen Ashcroft to remain on duty, pending review by Starfleet Command. USS Ares, NCC-Who-needs-a-registry-when-you-have-animated-gifs?: The Ares away team was removed from their naked display case and taken to holding cells, where they were told that they were going to be tried and executed for conspiring with the enemies of Oceania, the Klingons, against Oceania and its allies the Romulans. Before they trial could proceed, however, STF Command ordered the simulation ended so that the Ares could aid in the rebuilding of the Romulan colony on C'razie. Apparently, Command assumed that since nothing had happened in a week, that the ship was waiting for a new mission. This precipitated a new war to replace the Quote War the Ares lost to the Alliance of attacks on the old GM, Owen Townes who doubled as CO Brennan Thomson, and on the new GM, Seamus Hughes, who had recently resigned his post on the Ares due to its inactivity. The War ended with Owen being reinstated as GM, Seamus leaving in disgust, and CE Andrew Zbikowski taking over the ship. With a return to Dimention 1984, Nameless Ensign Kenny was executed by the "Man in a Trenchcoat" as a show of force [They killed Kenny! You bastards! You killed Kenny! --Ed.]. CO Thomson and CSO Amanda Goldsmith have been subjected to beating, torture, and other unpleasantries that Captain Thomson was relieved he didn't have to pay for, as he had spent a fortune on a woman in black leather to do it before and was now getting it for free. Goldsmith attempted to escape but failed, and she and Thomson are now on trial for conspiring against the eternal allies of Oceania, the Klingons. (Oceania is at war with the Romulans. It has always been at war with the Romulans.) Meanwhile, the Ares has been attacked by the top ships in the Oceania Starfleet, but with the aid of CE Zib's ability to take over from inactive crewmembers they have managed to destroy the entire fleet, including the Romulans. Note that the majority of these events has taken place within the past week, and that the Ares is still on its first mission. USS Columbus, NX-97000: One of those furry Borg critters attacked Columbus Med-1 Toltoal Katamany [a very dangerous name indeed --Ed.] and began to assimilate the good Andorian doctor. Columbus Nameless Nurse #47 managed to slow the assimilation process, but Katamany responded to his aid by killing him. NN#48, #47's brother, was able to reverse the process using the transporter, but at that very moment Acting Captain Zork Field arrived to report that the Borg critters, affectionately called "Bugs" and "Cats" by the crew, had begun to assimilate the saucer section. The away team boarded the "little ship" section of the Columbus from inside the Borg Cube and were ordered to abort and hide, while the Columbus separated its saucer section. They were ready to destroy it and the Borg on board, when new CSO Commander ~Z~ (no really, ~Z~) split himself in two, one copy staying on the bridge and the other exploring the ship. USS Montgomery, NCC-84704: Having returned to Deep Space 20 for repairs after its sudden loss of half its hull, the Montgomery was placed in the dry-dock for ships needing a GM replacement. The huge refit project included replacing almost the entire matter/anti-matter reactor assembly, the bridge, Main Engineering, the port nacelle, the fuzzy dice, and enhancing the computer system with the latest innovation from Nyetscape Communications, LENIN. Once repaired, the Monty was ordered to escort a pair of cargo freighters along with the USS Normandy. After receiving a secret message from the other side of the Klingon Empire, however, new CO Captain Jacob Delmaron mutinied, destroying the Normandy, disabling the freighters, and calling on the crew to join him in attacking the Crag, in revenge for the loss of his family during the War. Delmaron has been confronted by CE Kep, XO Megik, and COS Garrett, who have him cornered in his Ready Room and are asking him to step down and avoid any additional bloodshed. IKS chunDab: In true Klingon fashion, the chunDab crew's first order of business was to get to know each other, and what better way to do this than to break every bone in each other's bodies? Ater they got bored of killing each other, the chunDab headed for the border between the Romulan Empire and the Crag Annexation, a border that is still under dispute, to engage a Romulan fleet. The purpose of the engagement is still unknown, even to them. They were boarded, and CTO S'Eamus and CE Te'rahn (where did they get these names?) faught valiently for the honor of the ship. They were able to defeate the Romulans, and are, not surprisingly, planning to violate orders and attack a nearby Romulan base to which neither the Klingons or the Federation have any claim. Starbase 202: The former crew of the USS Independence has taken control of the station, or what is left of it. When the Overlords stationed there fled after the distruction of the Rolchana, they distroyed most of the useable part of the station. The crew has decided not to bother bringing the entire computer system back on line, as Starfleet has informed them that they will be recieving a new system soon, based around Nyetscape's BORIS interface. In other news, the first civilian ship at the new station has arrived, the SS Joseph, bearing Larry Cardinal Garfield of the Church of Sisko, who has been appointed Archbishop of Zeta Alpha. CMO Agee and CNS Benni have taken the experimental Colorado-class runabout for a brief trading mission, and Commodore Jeff Field has arrived, as per orders, but has spent more time reminscing about the "good old days" than actually helping to repair the station, a fact which again calls his sanity into question. Recent sightings of Q, and Toto too, on the station have not been confirmed.
WEBBsights #8 "SNN Personality Focus: it's not who you interview, it's how much you get in hush-money." WeBBsights welcomes any and all comments and criticisms from its readers -- yes, both of you. Direct any messages to either of the Editors. * * * Commodore Michael J. Ballway, Executive Editor Captain Laurence O. Garfield, Associate Editor Captain Seamus Hughes, Chief Correspondant, Fleet Three Commodore Jeff Field, Isn't here... yet * * * *© 1998 Zygweebil Mufasa Productions and the Starfleet News Network*. The WeBBsights management will not be held responsible if any of the above information is true. No characters were killed in the making of this newsletter, excpet for Jeff Field characters #12-34 and #127.