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John Phelps dead
Acting FComm killed by Rigellian
Sniffles
USS DRESDEN -- Loved by many but hated
by most, Fleet Captain John Phelps -- until this week the acting Fleet
Commander of the Third Fleet -- was pronounced dead by Starfleet doctors
last week. The Fleet Captain was known best for his dictatorial slant and
Hitlerian disposition. Phelps' death has prompted open displays of emotion,
incredible changes of habit, and all-around good cheer in STF lately, yet
his recent life was one of solitude and loneliness, especially on his last
mission.
While attempting to hunt down and persecute (er, prosecute) former Fleet
Three Bajoran FComm Kavox Cox, Fleet Captain John Phelps had been ship-hopping
across the Fleet. His last stop was the USS Dresden, near
the Romulan Neutral Zone. While there, he offended the crew by assuming
command of the ship, a habit he had developed while on Outpost 42.
XO Emmie Hunt was so offended that she was startled out of the coma that
she had been in for the past week. Upon reaching the bridge, she
grew so angry at Phelps that she spat in his face. The Doctor who
examined Phelps' body found that the saliva contained the virus responsible
for the Rigellian Sniffles, one of the more deadly strains of galactic
influenza. Hunt was not charged with murder since she was unaware
that she was carrying the disease. It is suspected that had Phelps'
not angered her out of her coma, she would have died from the disease.
Fleet Three plans celebration
OUTPOST 42 -- Phelps was not one of the more popular
FComms in Starfleet history. During his short tenure as FComm-3,
he managed to make more enemies than Joseph Stalin [who, you must admit,
was able to gain popularity in the Starbase 212 Neo-Bolshevik movement
last year --Ed.]. Forcibly taking command of Outpost 42, the
USS Darwin, and the USS Dresden did not make him many friends
in the command staff of the fleet, and his blatant disregard for his bodyguards
Guido and Nunzio was equally unendearing to the junior officers.
When he was killed on the Dresden, the rumor circuit was immediately
filled with messages of "Hurrah," "Yippee," and "No Mommy, I don't want
to go on duty today." Word that USS Starlight CO Captain Tartikov,
Phelps' right-hand man, would be assuming command did not dampen the spirit
of joy. Harry the Holosuite Honcho, Head of Harry's House of Holosuites
on Outpost 42, has announced plans for a massive gala to honor the Fleet
Captain's passing. Any crew members who can attend should contact
Harry on OP42 to reserve a place at the table. |
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Personality Focus:
Jean Flinois, that French guy
PARIS -- Jean Flinois is a strange case in STF.
Currently playing CSO Flynn of the late USS Brooklyn and CO Corto
Maltese of the USS Concorde, Jean's major claim to fame was during
the ED scandal. Working as a side voice and letting Owen Townes,
Aaron Holland, and Larry Garfield argue about governmental policy, he was
responsible for the side conversation about advanced Relativity, Quantum
Mechanics, and Warp Theory, where he displayed an understanding so complete
that he was able to confuse everyone else in STF, including the other primary
member of the Physics Debate, Larry Garfield.
Jean, 42, may very well be the oldest member of STF. A resident
of Paris, France (really!), he works as a software engineer writing DSP
programs, drivers, and other stuff that normal people don't care about
or don't even know are there. Jean was planning on writing his own
Web-based RPG software for the French "Minitel" network when he found STF
and decided to examine the competition. From that moment on he was
hooked, and has since dropped plans to compete with the WeBB. Jean
admits that, being a native French speaker, he often misses some of the
subtleties and puns made by English-speaking STFers but has learned to
deal with it. But, he says, "WeBBsights #5 [the French issue] was
a very nice surprise."
Jean recently resigned from his post as an Engineering Advisor, although
he says it was not due to any political difference of opinion. "I
got not enough time to handle that job," he said. He intends, instead,
to focus on being mean to his characters.
Revised Articles of Organization
published
SNN CENTER, CHICAGO -- After considering comments
made in response to the original proposed STF Charter, Commodore Mike Ballway
has prepared a revised edition, which has been given the new name of the
"Articles of Organization." The new proposal was authored by Ballway
and undersigned by Captain Larry Garfield. Ballway has requested that SNN
make the new proposal available to the general public, and, for obvious
reasons, we have accepted [whoa! That's a big surprise! --Ed.].
You may view the full version of the Articles
or, if you have a slow browser, may wish to read
each Article separately. WeBBsights Legal Correspondent Milli
Cochrane has reviewed the Articles, and feels that they are a vast improvement
over the previous version and would be a great asset to STF. Milli was
also quoted as saying, "Okay, Mike, can I have my Christmas bonus now?"
[No, no, no, you weren't supposed to print that! --Ed.]
Trivia Answers -- Really!
SNN CENTER, CHICAGO -- Congratulations to Mike
Bourdaa for being the only person with the guts to respond to last issue's
trivia questions. Though he didn't get all the questions right, he
wins our prestigious "Wow! He actually Responded" Award. The
correct answers were:
-
Including GMs, Jeff Field currently holds seven active characters.
-
The USS Montgomery has lost 3 bridges, 1 warp core, 1 Observation
Lounge, 2 nacelles, and 1 pair of Fuzzy Dice. It also suffered a
crash landing, and lost its Captain, 1 XO, and the Chief Engineer's patience.
-
Jeff's patented exploding sheep were responsible for destroying six offices
on Starbase 117 and in STF HQ.
-
In reverse order, the leaders of STF (counting the 1996 "Constitutional
Crisis") were: Greg Hertzsch, Randy McCullick, Mike Ballway (acting
acting acting), Ken Marklan (acting acting), Dennis Hannigan (acting),
Mike Cathhart, Jim Midyette, Jerry Phelps, Jim Midyette, Julie Larsen,
Jim Midyette [Notice a pattern emerging? --Ed.], Franco Torres,
and Mike Bertsch.
MicroNews
by Will Yates, SNN's new Society Editor
In our last issue, Daffy reported that the ED Debate was still continuing,
with Owen Townes and Aaron Holland arguing about the nature
of democracy. Daffy also reported that the language had gotten quite
excessive, however, it was phrased in such a way as to suggest that both
parties were responsible. As in so many other things, Daf was in
error on this bit. With the exception of "You mother flies a shuttlecraft,"
the inappropriate language was taken from statements made by VP and EDir
Owen Townes. MicroNews also hears that due to the inappropriate language
used in the Personnel Department, the PD has officially reprimanded Owen.
We apologize to Aaron for any offense he might have taken.
EDir Owen Townes has appointed Larry Garfield to replace
Jean Flinois as Engineering Advisor. The ED has also been
reorganized, with EDir Townes, AEDir Mike Ballway, and Engineering
Advisors Jeff Field, Paula Kirk, and Larry Garfield making
up the new "Engineering Council," which may or may not be called that.
While surfing through Fleet Three the other day, MicroNews found out that
FComm Mike Bourdaa has made official Seamus Hughes' Post
War. As part of this unprecedented legitimization of ship competition,
Bourdaa has promised awards for the number of posts Fleet Three ships make
in a given month, and the ship with the most awards after six months will
declared the new flagship. The crew of the Hughes' USS Brooklyn
won the first month's competition, but the Dresden crew is making
a valiant effort to take first place for this month.
The Crag, those lovable, furry Star Wars renegades, have announced
that they have opened up Crewel, the capital city of their home planet
of Crell, to shore leave for members of the Fourth Fleet. Fleet Four
officers wishing more information should contact the Federation's Crag
Liaison Captain Larry Garfield
or Fleet Four FComm Jeff Field
for more information.
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STF*Prodigy
News-in-Brief
by Mike Ballway
SNN CENTER, CHICAGO -- Jello
Wars action continues to heat up in the Prodigy O.T. (OOC) area. Fleet
Captain Adam Kent, head of the F1 Jello Think-Tank, spoke at the Responsible
Newspapermen Of Starfleet luncheon yesterday (we taped it on C-SPAN). In
his speech, he named the major players in the Wars as well as probable
causes for the conflict, although nobody knows for sure how it began. A
parallel battle raged on the WeBB in late 1997, but the gelatinous guerrillas
of STF*P aren't just transplanted WeBBsters. STF President Greg Hertzsch
captains a "Brown Jello" force under the RPG character "Mr. Hankey"; Lieutenant
Alan Felts leads an "Aqua Jello" fleet; USS Victorious CO Mark Wilson
heads the "Cherry (Red) Jello" squad; omnipresent WeBBster Jeff Field and
Emily Braunstein battle with "Purple Jello" power; Phil Bishop runs the
"Green Jello" team; and Vice President and EDir Owen Townes holds strict,
iron-fisted rule over the "Black Jello" fleet.
With Greg Hertzsch, Owen Townes, and Alan Felts participating, you knew
it had to happen: South Park References. As reported in the latest edition
of SNN UPDATE, Hertzsch,
with his "Mr. Hankey" RPing, leads the way in the not-for-the-squeamish
homages to Chef, Cartman, and, yes, Kenny.
Interestingly enough, the Jello Wars seem to be attracting most of STF*P's
attention, despite efforts to establish a Cola Wars Pepsi-Coke showdown
in the Antimatter Café. For once, STF*P's RPG activity slumps are
the fault of something other than the WeBB <g>.
Fleet Three -- The Coreward Fleet
by Seamus Hughes
USS Athena, NCC-71819:
We all the know that the Captain is crazy, but did you know that he has
taken his crew with him? Of course not, because no one reads the Athena's
notes. The crew has decided to protest FComm Phelps' reign of terror by
not posting anything. Great idea, guys! But seriously, folks, the crew
is AWOL. The latest plot development is nanites in the Captain's
blood stream that are making him do strange things. Stay tuned to
SNN for the latest news on exactly what is meant by the word "strange."
USS Brooklyn, NCC-84706:
The USS Boston, the ship the Brooklyn crew took, has reached
the Neutral Zone to talk to the Dresen. After being chased
by the Hastings, the Darwin, and that good ship the Lollipop,
the Boston finally reached its destination. Kavox and Hughes
transported onto the Dresen while Cmdr. James Perry transported
to the Boston to take command of the ship in Hughes' absence.
After much debate aboard the Dresen, Kavox and Hughes decided to
take the souped-up runabout Pursuit and get the heck out off there.
The only problem was that the Pursuit was held by Starfleet Intel
officers. The plan was when the Pursuit docked with the Dresen,
Kavox would fill the room with sleeping gas and he and Hughes would take
the runabout and cross the border. Unfortunately, one of the Intel
officers was immune to the gas and began dancing in Times Square, wearing
a neon cleansuit and playing loud disco music. Kavox and Hughes entered
the docking bay firing, hoping to stop the disco menace that had already
taken over most advertising agencies and, incidentally, accomplish some
mission objectives. A phaser blast hit Captain Hughes square in the chest,
killing him instantly. Kavox killed the Intel officer and boarded
the Pursuit, leaving Hughes' body behind. On board the Boston
a mutiny has erupted. CSO Flynn pointed a phaser at Perry, then Perry
started the self-destruct program to call Flynn's bluff. It didn't
work. Flynn and Perry decided that they work out their problems,
in one of those heartwarming scenes that the critics really love.
The Boston then took off after the Hopper.
USS Concorde, NCC-97123-B:
There is an old Vulcan proverb: "When without a GM, go save the day!"
That's exactly what CO Corto Maltese did. He and his crew of six
decided they would meet up with the rest of the fleet in the Neutral Zone
and try to save that lovable, cute, smart, [egotistical, self-centered
--Ed.] Captain Seamus Hughes. After being ordered to leave
the area by the late FComm Phelps, the Concorde's energetic CO voiced
his opinion with the words "Phelps, you are a lying pig!" The Concorde
is currently following the Dresen to find the mysterious Independence-class
Hopper, which everyone seems to have forgotten about.
USS Dresden, NCC-1837-B:
The mantra of the GM Department is "There is no rest for the wicked."
Captain Franco Torres is case-in-point. The Dresen was ordered
to the Neutral Zone to stop a weapons trade between the Romulans and some
unknown party. After finding nothing, the crew decided to just have
a nice relaxing evening watching soap operas. Just when Frank was
about to discover that Martha was carrying his baby even though she was
his half-sister, the USS Boston suddenly arrived in the Neutral
Zone and Captain Hughes and Commodore Kavox transported aboard. Kavox
was hoping for a full tribunal right on the Dresen so he could get
a fair trial. Torres agreed to this and everything was fine until
that annoying little Hitler-wannabe, acting FComm Phelps, arrived with
the Darwin. Phelps transported over and took command of the
Dresden, just as he had commandeered Outpost 42 before. Unfortunately
for him, Dresden XO Emily Hunt wasn't going to let that happen.
Hunt had some sort of virus that had put her in a coma for a week.
After coming out of the coma without telling anyone, she went to the bridge
where she spat on Phelps. The spit turned out to be how the virus
moves from one host to another, and Phelps was pronounced dead on the spot.
Starlight CO Tartikov has taken command of the Fleet and the Dresen
is going with the Concorde to search for the Hopper.
USS Olympic, NX-80000:
If you serve on either the Olympic or on the Alliance in
Fleet Four, you know how annoying Owen Ashcroft's clones can be. The one
on the Oly is no exception. The latest Ashcroft shot the XO, but
she has survived, much to the disappointment of the crew. Ashcroft
#4 has therefore decided his duty is to kill the crew. At last report,
he had drawn phasers on the entire bridge crew.
Outpost 42: Back on the
station, newly installed Federation President Stadt made a surprise speech
on the State of the Federation. It was not enough of a surprise,
however, to the group that tried to take the opportunity to assassinate
him. It was unsuccessful due to the quick action of Counselor Wyers,
who was unfortunately attacked later and left for dead in a jeffries tube.
Wyers was found by a Nameless Security Ensign and taken to sickbay.
Investigations by ACSS Bliht William has discovered that the would-be assassin
was the infamous thug-for-hire Ronald Vaner. Vaner and two other
men had been in Harry's House of Holosuites earlier that day, and a search
for them has been begun. Meanwhile, acting FComm Phelps arrested
COO Patrick Henry and CSS Stoek for not firing on the Boston and
then left the Darwin for the Dresden to continue his investigation.
The Darwin, under Captain Kirk's command, returned to the station.
Upon hearing of Phelps' death, Kirk released both Henry and Stoek without
charges, exonerating both officers.
Fleet Four -- The Forceful Fleet
by Larry Garfield
USS Alliance, NCC-82396:
One of the Seetha infiltraitors has been captured. The individual
in question was masquerading as Professor Reign of the Crag Science Commission.
Shortly after his capture, however, a Seetha vessel arrived demanding that
the Federation renounce its peace treaty with the Crag and allow them retribution.
Captain William Bligh was able to convince them to stand down temporarily,
and offered to release Professor Reign to them as a show of good will.
Before the release could go forward, however, yet another clone of CTO
Owen Ashcroft arrived bearing information, which has not been revealed
yet.
USS Ares, NCC-registered-viewers-of-south-park:
The Ares is still battling the Oceania Starfleet, while CO Thomson
and CSO Goldsmith are still being held by Oceania operatives. The
battle rages on. . . .
USS Columbus, NX-97000:
Acting Captain Zork vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving XO Streak Agee
to take command. Before aCO Agee could act, however, CE Chris Churchill,
at Agee's request, called upon his arcane black mana powers and obliterated
the Borg cube and possibly the entire Borg race. Agee claims that
the purpose of this action was to wake the crew up since they were getting
bored with the last mission. Despite the rather unorthodox and ridiculous
nature of this strategy, the crew has shrugged and moved on. A member
of the Q Continuum chose that moment to cause trouble and has relocated
the ship to the Alpha Quadrant and most of the Command staff to a remote
planet filled with sand, rocks, and more sand. CMO Linnis contacted
her old boyfriend, Q named "Blondie," who was able to provide limited shelter
for the staff but little other help. CSO ~Z~ has assumed command
of the ship in the acting Captain's absence. In other news, it has
begun to snow on the ship. SNN contacted Dr. Namreh-Taéw Toidi,
head of the Meteorological Studies department at Pakled University, to
comment on this development, but he refused to talk with us.
USS Montgomery, NCC-84704:
Renegade captain Jacob Delmaron has escaped from the Ready Room and he
and his cronies have taken over most of the ship. He has been joined
by CMO Kristina Humphreys, although his henchmen knocked her out before
he could realize that. Unfortunately for them, the warp core has
become unstable and they have been forced to stop. Friendly Romulan
vessels have beamed over troopers to help apprehend the remaining loyal
Starfleet officers. Led by XO Megik and CE Murri Kep, the two highest-ranking
loyal officers on the ship, the loyalists have secured themselves on the
Ten-Backward Engineers' Lounge. The only group of crewmen that appears
to be completely loyal is Engineering's Nameless Ensigns. Other Starfleet
ships which appear to have also defected are on their way to rendezvous
with the Montgomery.
IKS chunDab:
The chunDab has been attacked by a large egg-shapped vessel.
which has "swallowed" it. The ship then warped off in the general
direction of the Gamma Quadrant, but before it made it that far it dropped
out of warp and informed the chunDab that they were a new species
that wanted to expand their territory and were using the recent wars as
a cover to "collect" ships in this manner for study. While the crew
is arguing over who gets the honor of dying honorably while trying to take
the ship, CMO K'Peesch has decided to unwind from a hard day by seducing
a Nameless Warrior. This marks the first active sexual liaison between
two characters on the WeBB, since Jeff and Mandy have kept their involvement's
juicy details away from the electronic medium.
Starbase 202: While leaving
the station to escort the Crag ambassador to Earth for a meeting, the USS
Endevour was destroyed by a massive explosion, cause unknown.
The USS Armstrong has arrived to help with the investigation.
Meanwhile, the trading expedition by CMO Matt Agee and Counselor Benni
has been completed, but instead of receiving supplies, Agee has accepted
information that his brother Steve is not dead but is in Romulan space.
The pair have decided to sneak into Romulan space to find him, but are
currently trying to evade a Romulan warbird. The new computer system
has arrived from Nyetscape with the BORIS system, although CO Brandon McKee
doesn't like the Russian accent [I feel for you, Brandon, but if that's
what they install on your wessel. . . . --Ed.].
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