Y 
R 
O 
T 
S

Media giant: 'STF violates copyright' 
LOS ANGELES -- VIACOM, Inc., parent company of Paramount Pictures, which owns all copyrights on Star Trek, delivered a notice on 28 March to STF President Greg Hertzsch, asking the President to close down the "WeBB" portion of star-fleet.com. VIACOM is prepared to sue Greg if the WeBB continues operation. 

Until now, STF has assumed that it operates under the "Fair Use" doctrine of copyright law, which authorizes otherwise-unauthorized use of copyrighted material for criticism, parody, and education. "Fair Use" questions have already sunk web sites that provide pictures and sound clips copyrighted by such sci-fi franchises as Star Trek, Babylon 5, and Star Wars. Paramount lawyers, who last year managed to close down thirty-seven Star Trek web sites and silence numerous Trek fan clubs around the world, maintained in their letter to Hertzsch that STF, as an RPG club, did not meet any of those criteria. Pointing to the fact that RPG board and card games based on TV shows must be licensed by the shows' respective owners, the Trek legal team made the point that STF does not have the Paramount seal of approval and, indeed, competes with the Star Trek Continuum, which does have board-room support. 

Hertzsch: 'Over my cold, dead, decaying corpse!' 
LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY -- STF President Greg Hertzsch responded swiftly to what he labeled "bullying" by the Star Trek franchise. "I'm a Libertarian," Greg said, "and that means I believe in the Constitution of the United States and the Bill of Rights!" The President elaborated further that "the First Amendment to the Constitution protects my rights of free speech. I can say whatever I damn want to say." When questioned by a reporter from the Nameless Ensigns' Weekly Standard about rumors that he was going to modify the WeBB somewhat to please VIACOM, Hertzsch issued a flat-out denial: "Bow to VIACOM? Over my cold, dead, decaying corpse will I bow to VIACOM! I'm a freedom lover and a Libertarian, which means that I believe in free speech!" Many reporters left the press conference at that point, as it seemed as though the message was repeating itself. 

Our View: The First Amendment should reign supreme 
SNN CENTER, CHICAGO -- Although the Headline Story of this issue of WeBBsights is an April Fools' Day hoax, the VIACOM crackdown is real. There really have been thirty-seven web sites censored by Paramount, and nonaffiliated fan clubs worldwide are really feeling the pressure from "official" clubs. STF, like other clubs on the Web, Prodigy, and other online gathering places, has been spared mostly due to our relatively low membership (200 may seem like a lot to you . . . but it really is a drop in the bucket compared to Trek fandom worldwide) and text-based nature. Most of the thirty-seven censored sites were threatened with prosecution because they provided pictures, sound bites, and even video clips. 

Intellectual property (copyrights, trademarks, patents, and other things protected by the government against copying) is the base of any technology- or arts-embracing society. Intellectual property laws protect our right to produce art and invent things without having our ideas stolen. 

But the copy-protection of speech cannot exist without the protection of speech in the first place. That is why the U.S. has the First Amendment to the Constitution, and why most other democracies have similar laws. "Fair Use" -- mentioned above -- is a reality, and many of the thirty-seven victim sites were parodies, discussion areas, or criticisms on Star Trek. That Paramount would violate the free-speech rights of thirty-seven web publishers is unconscionable. 

Fortunately, there is one group of people who are fighting the good fight, for the good guys. The "Online Freedom Federation," located on the web at [off-hq.org], is dedicated to ending VIACOM's rampage of freedom-infringement across the web and across all media. The line must be drawn there, before it comes here and really does threaten STF; intellectual property is a noble and necessary concept, but when the "violation" occurs within acceptable boundaries of "Fair Use," fans and libertarians everywhere ought to be able to rest secure in the knowledge that the First Amendment will protect their speech. We at SNN wait eagerly for the day when thirty-seven web sites become operational once again; we wait for the day when we can look VIACOM management and say, straight to their faces: In America, the First Amendment reigns supreme! 

S 
W 
E 
N

Over the next few issues WeBBsights continued to evolve.  From the Headline Story to datelines, every issue brought new mirth to the otherwise wacky world of STF.  As the WeBB grew, the task of reporting grew so large that Larry was forced to bring in help.  Seamus Hughes was brought in as the correspondent for Fleet Three, which he fulfilled skillfully until his recent resignation.  Randy McCullick was hired to report for Fleet Four when Larry became AFComm of the new Fleet Five, and Deanne Morgan was recently hired to replace Seamus. Seamus resigned to try and compete with WeBBsights, forgetting that no news service has ever managed to successfully compete with an SNN publication [muahuahuahuahua! --Ed.].  Back to our story: Starting with Issue #5, the Editorial Staff decided to get weird.  The French Issue, Issue #007, and other thematic issues were big hits, bringing the readership up to an estimated six subscribers. WeBBsights now continues in its line of silliness by offering this April Fools' Day issue (soon to be an annual plague! Just wait a year!), full of fake news, fake news, and more fake news! 

Vice-Prez book signing is big hit 
NEW YORK -- STF Vice-Presidents chummed with former second-bananas of the U.S. Executive Branch in a book signing yesterday. The signing was sponsored by Abu Zelig's Production of Good Temporal Distortions, a small company that was demonstrating its latest product, the Zelig Life-Maker/Undead-Waker 2000, which raises dead people from their eternal rest. Former STF Veep Nick Oven and current lackey Owen Townes were on-hand at Where'sWaldenBooks to promote their newest tomes of wisdom, but it was former 1990s Air Force Two riders Dan Quayle and Al Gore who stole the spotlight. One girl, obviously fascinated by the event, approached Townes while he was hawking his book Communism: Let's Give It a Second Try (subtitle: "Honest! We'll Do It Right This Time!"), and asked the EDir: "Are you really Machiavelli incarnate, or is everyone lying?" Al Gore, interviewed later by Ensign Peter Peterson of the Nameless Ensigns' Weekly Standard, was glad to be back alive but disappointed with the public's continued apathy, after 400 years, concerning his 1998 book Wood-Working for the People [that's a punctuation error. The correct name is Wood, Working for the People. It's a collection of memoirs --Ed.]. Dan Quayle, for his part, was pleased with the fact that people remembered him and wanted to hear more about the last four centuries. Quoth Quayle: "I wonder if South America has changed any. I heard that Atlanta was finally shaping up to be something when I died." Copies of the Hoosier's book, Howe to Cooke a Potatoe, were already a collector's item (having sold approximately two copies when first published in 2017), and both copies got flowery signatures. STF President Greg Hertzsch, proud owner of one of the copies, later lost what remaining confidence he had in the Republican party when he noticed that the signature said "Best wishes, Dane." And finally, our own beloved former Veep, Nick Oven, was on-hand to sign copies of his latest book, Staying Silent Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry. Few books were signed, mostly because Nick left after five minutes, grumbling something about "IRC." 

Trek Trivia  
Email all trivia answers to The Editors. Be sure to sign your name, rank, ship, and fleet. Bottom 3 losers get their names printed in the next issue! 

1. What is Mike Bourdaa's first name?
2. What is the current position held by STF President Greg Hertzsch?
3. What does "B.J." stand for in B.J. Phillips' name? (Hint: Blue Jell-O)
4. Why is FComm-1 Aaron Holland so secretive about the fact that he lives in Florida?

T 
A 
E 
B

Fleet Three -- The Coreward Fleet   
by Mike Bourdaa  

Fleet Four -- The Forceful Fleet  
by Larry Garfield  

 

IKS chunDab:  In response to difficulties with crew discipline following the Kahless incident, which resulted in cyonide-laced cheese crackers becoming the standard meal on the ship, CO K'Peesch has ordered the entire crew executed, just in case they decide to disobey orders.  While Starfleet Command objected to this use of what they deemed "excessive disciplinary force," the Klingon High Command has commended K'Peesch for her ingenuity and has ordered all other Klingon Commanders to follow suit.  "This is a great day for the Klingon Empire," Chancellor Gawron said in a speech earlier today.  "Never again will mutiny be a threat to our security."  Outpost 42 CO Paula Kirk was quick to respond to this turn of events.  "I've never trusted Klingons," she declared, "and I never will.  I've never been able to forgive them for the death of my namesake's boy." 

Fleet Five -- The Zenith Fleet  
by Larry Garfield