WeBBsights
-- YOUR #1 SOURCE FOR WeBB MISINFORMATION -- 
Issue 15 - Thursday, 01 October 1998 - A Publication of SNN and ZMP Limited
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  

 
 
 
 
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WeBBsights takes hiatus, Government working again

WeBBsights returns after summer break 
by Larry Garfield, WeBBsights Associate Editor 
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS -- Following our last issue on May 31, which itself had been delayed to confusion created by the defection of Romulan Subcommander Pez, WeBBsights went on sabbatical to rest and recoup, prepare for college, and check out the hot chicks (and hunks, for Deanne) on the beach.  In the interim, STF underwent the horrors of a Presidential Election, the first in 17 months.  Although plans had been made to have complete live coverage of the election returns, internal difficulties and low voter turnout made such a display of power impossible.  Mike Bourdaa, author of the WeBB software and former Commander of Fleet Three, was elected president in late June, replacing two term incumbent "GMDF Cheese" Greg Hertzsch.  Bourdaa's new Cabinet was quickly appointed, and can now be viewed in the Central HQ section of the OOC Fleet.  The addition of two new fleets to the WeBB likewise didn't escape SNN's attention, just WeBBsights'.  Fleet Two, under the command of Commodore Mike Ballway, was transferred from STF*Prodigy to the WeBB, to accompany Ballway's move as he shifted to a college network as well as to provide a haven for non-fanatical STFers.  Founded with former STF2 flagships the USS Constellation and the USS Trinitron nand the new USS Nautilus, STF2 operates at a purposefully maintained slower rate than the rest of the WeBB, and so far is functioning smoothly.  The more mainstream Fleet Six was also added, commanded by Fleet Captain Colin Wyers.  STF6 began life with the USS Independence, which had been drydocked at Starbase 202 and the USS Ares, which now joins its third fleet.  Wyers was replaced as FComm-4 by his former AFComm, Fleet Captain Larry Garfield.  The addition of these two new fleets brings the WeBB to a population of five fleets and 20 ships. 

STF Government functions smoothly, news organizations panic 
by Larry Garfield, the Thorn in Mike Ballway's Side 
CENTRAL HQ -- Recent weeks have seen an unprecedented move in the STF government towards a peaceful mean s of conducting business.  Standing in stark contrast to the ED Conflict of Early 1998 (it's official name now), the issue began right at the beginning of September, when Bill Gunty proposed an "Elite ship," akin in theory to the USS Valiant, the DS9 ship of the episode of the same name.  The "USS Elite" would have been staffed by invitation only, and would consist of the "best of the best of the best" of STF.  The potential for favoritism and segregation this plan posed led it to be dismissed, but not before being legitimately considered.  Meanwhile, on September 9 Mark Loganbach officially proposed an idea that had been discussed by Loganbach, Bob Spurlin, and others in IRC, the "USS Speedy."  Intended as the exact opposite of STF2's paradigm, this new ship would be designed to be home to daily loggers only, and to move at the fastest pace ever.  Although there was some speculation among the NEs that this was really a covert attempt to usurp the MAS award, the idea was considered by a number of people in the President's Office.  Gunty, Loganbach, Spurlin, and Jim Armstrong have been the proposal's most vocal supporters, however they claim to speak for over a dozen interested members.  Seamus Hughes, ironically famous for commanding the USS Hopper during its reign as the undisputed MAS, and Mike Barclay, famous for his intense dislike of multiple characters,  have both expressed concerns and objections about the idea, however, unlike earlier discussions they were actually heard.  Hughes had problems.  Er, that is, he had problems with the ship because he feared that such a fast pace would make the ship impossible to read for even the fastest members, to which Larry Garfield responded with a proposal to use a Yub nub-class ship as a test bed, as its crew complement of only six would help to alleviate this problem.  Several fleets were considered to host the experimental ship, including even the deliberately slow Fleet Two, which FComm-2 Mike Ballway agreed would host the new ship if no other spot could be found.  Eventually, it was decided  on September 13 that Fleet Five would host the Fast Ship (name pending), commanded by Nathan Miller as part of his promotion to FComm-5, replacing B. J. Phillips whose activity level as FComm has unfortunately waned too far.  The class of the ship is currently under consideration, with a Yub nub being one of several possibilities. 

Fallout at SNN Center 
by Larry Garfield and Mike Ballway, would-be Comedians 
CENTRAL HQ -- While definitely a mile stone, STF's expansion to 5 WeBB fleets has prompted the WeBBsights management (Motto: "I can't take it any more!") to discontinue the Fleet Beat section.  Major points and weird plot twists will remain, however, thanks in part to Deanne Morgan, former correspondent for Fleet Three who has agreed to assist WeBBsights in RPG reporting, the last WeBBsights staff member to remain..  Over the summer, WeBBsights Society Editor Will Yates was trapped in a TAR file, and due to the difficulty in finding decompressors that support this format will likely remain there. 

As you may have noted, the recent governmental activity has occurred with a complete lack of personal attacks by high ranking members of the government.  Aside from farm jokes and spelling attacks by Seamus Hughes and Colin Wyers, the discussion so far has been just that, a discussion.  A first in STF, it has nonetheless caused great consternation at SNN Center.  Following the rapid increase in downloads during the ED Conflict, SNN's Editorial Staff isn't sure that a government that does its job without destroying reputations will provide them with the material they need to scandalize the club.  Several staff members suggested that WeBBsights' recent hiatus may be responsible for the increase in politeness in the club, but were quickly sacked.  Mark Wilson, Associate Editor for SNN Headline News, now the only SNN publication on Prodigy, took matters into his own hands on one occasion and tried to cause some scandal himself, but he was quickly rebuked by Executive Editor Mike Ballway, who informed him that causing trouble to make news was completely against SNN policy, unless a pseudonym was used.  Associate Editor Larry Garfield, who had attempted to act as a referee during the ED Conflict, has chosen instead to bask in the warm, friendly glow of a government that does its job smoothly, and write very long articles about how wonderful it is in order to fill up the space vacated by personal attacks.  SNN Officially embraces the "kindler, gentler" STF Command, even if it does make our jobs harder.

THE NEWS
  
  
  
   

  
  
  
S 

Personality Focus: Bob Spurlin, Speedy Thinker 
by Larry Garfield, WeBBsights "Peopel Person" 
HIGH SHOALS, GA -- Bob Spurlin has been a member of STF for only two months, but has already begun to have a major impact on the club.  Brought to you by the letter "Z," Bob maintains seven characters on the Harrier, Nautilus, Columbus, Dresden, Genesis, Concorde, and Independence.  Four of them are named after gods whose names begin with "Z."  More recently, Bob was the original impetus behind the "USS Speedy" concept, currently being discussed in Command.  He considers himself a daily logger, and would like to see a place made for the numerous other peoplel like himself.  Bob does have concerns about the potential for OOC fighting on the proposed Fast Ship, but feels that it should be given a fair chance to prove itself, just as STF2 has. 

Bob, 46, is a travelling financial consultant for Clarus Financials, a software firm.  He finds time for STF while waiting in hotel rooms for his next flight, which will take himi to his connecting flight to his connection in Des Moines for his flight to his meeting.  His biggest concern is that he is "here to play and have a good time.  Some people forget that."  Prior to STF, Bob also had experiance with Shadowrun and GURPS Role Playing.  He just recieved his Ph.D. in business. 

McParty VII a success 
by Mike Ballway, Pepsi Drinker 
COLA LAKE, RISA -- The annual month-long celebration of weirdness known as the McParty was a complete success this year, thanks in part to the release this summer of a brand new soft drink in some parts of the US known as Surge.  Containing 9 parts caffeine, 8 parts sugar, and 1 part water, Surge came in as the winner this year, with 124.8 liters drunk.  Coke and Pepsi were neck and neck right up to the line, with Coke barely edging out Pepsi 98.73 liters to 98.6 liters in official McParty figures, although the independent McParty Beverage Consumption Office of Fleet Two has challenged these findings, alleging that Pepsi is the victor by a margin of 98.65 liters to 98.63 liters.  Mountain Dew pulled in third with 69.2 liters, and Sprite in fourth with 45.2 liters.  The favorite, RC Cola, faired poorly this year, with only 2 cans drunk during the month long party.  On the Jello front, there was little in the way of definitive victories, as Red Jello forces drew traditional Blue Jello to a draw, with the renegade Black Jello of Owen Townes providing momentary distraction.  Greg Hertzsch's "Mr. Hankey" Brown Jello was unable to hold its shape long enough to provide much of a threat. 

OOC Still alive after party 
by Larry Garfield, Devout Liberal 
SISKO TEMPLE, ROMANOVA VII -- Although the McParty is over, life in OOC is at an all-time WeBB high.  The most active part of the OOC consisted for a time of arch-conservative Colin Wyers attempting to use the Lewinsky scandal as a cover to attack all things liberal and forward-thinking [remember that these are two separate things --Ed.], while self-proclaimed "realist" Larry Garfield "calmly" pointed out the gaping "flaws" in Wyers' arguments.  SNN, for its part, has chosen to remain neutral.  Meanwhile, the Religious Wars may be reheating, with the burning of the Sisko Temple.  Arson is suspected, with possible links to one Jeremy Friedman of the Sinclairists, led by self-styled "Pope" Greg Hertzsch.  Millions of faithful Siskoists, including the Fransiskoan Monks turned out to rebuild the temple, while Ferengi Commerce Authority Liquidators descended on the Temple of Babylon.  Financial difficulties had been linked to an off-world account held by Friedman, who has since been excommunicated by Hertzsch.  Allegations of the involvement of the infamous Siskoist financier Larry the Liquidator have been denied.  Farmer Joe has taken the McParty clean-up crew hostage, demanding an end to the "Kick-the-Seamus" party that has replaced it. 

SNN UPDATE shelved after 65 
by Mike Ballway, the Reporter Formerly Responsible for SNN UPDATE and now Represented by this Newsletter 
SUITE 45, SNN CENTER, CHICAGO -- Last month, in an unprecedented "triple-feature" trilogy of issues, Mike Ballway finally bid adieu to the readership of SNN UPDATE. Since early 1998 Mike had known that he was to leave Prodigy in the Summer, and on 26 August it became a reality, with his last post -- the final edition of SNN UPDATE

Since 9 September 1994, SNN UPDATE had been the semiofficial online newsletter of STF*Prodigy, and before the debut of WeBBsights in October 1997, it was the only regularly-published STF periodical of any kind (it was even published more frequently than the Personnel Department's crew manifests, back in the days before automatic rostering). SNN UPDATE's impact on STF is not to be discounted; although it did not invent the "quotes-in-names" device (example: Mike "The IRCheese" Bourdaa; this device was stolen from a Personnel manifests written by Mike Cathcart), it made them popular and its brand of political satire was well-respected by frequent visitors to the Prodigy subject [STF - CNN OF STF].  SNN UPDATE is succeeded by both this publication and SNN Headline News, the SNN newsletter that for almost a year has been the Sammy Sosa to UPDATE's Mark McGwire, and continues as STF*Prodigy's only newsletter while also publishing a separate WeBB edition. SNN Executive Editor Mike Ballway, the sole writer of SNN UPDATE, will produce some sort of retrospective on it at some point in the future; for now, the archive at [s-f.c/snn/su/index.html] has everything you need to review SNN UPDATE's historic impact on STF.  Former SNN UPDATE correspondent Peter Peterson has agreed to sign on to the WeBBsights staff as a source of bad jokes. 

WeBBsights gets competition 
by Mike Ballway, WeBBsights Competition Correspondent 
CIRCULATION DEPARTMENT, SNN CENTER, CHICAGO -- With SNN UPDATE folding, one would expect the level of competition in the STF newsmedia to diminish -- not so! Starting in mid-August, SNN Headline News writer Mark Wilson brought his brand of irreverant (not to mention irrelevant) political satire to the WeBB, in the first issue of the SNN/HN WeBB Edition. Since then, Mark has come under fire from various WeBBsters who lack STF*Prodigy's keen understanding of the Convert from STNG's neuroses; sources close to SNN, though, say that they expect the WeBBsters to eventually learn to tune out Mark, just as Prodigy has (JOKE!). 

In non-SNN news, Former Member, Terra Nova-class Seamus Hughes, who recently rejoined, barring us from using that joke again, took some time out from the "sEXPLODINGSHEEEamus" plague to try and make good on a half-year-old promise of to start up some serious competition for WeBBsights. The new newsletter, "Aye on the WeBB," held no punches in its criticism of this publication for its Summer Hiatus. Seamus, a former SNN employee and WeBBsights reporter, also managed to follow in WeBBsights' tradition by pirating the "Personality Focus" section and renaming it "Interviews," just as WeBBsights Associate Editor Lary Garfield copied Personality Focus frm his school's newspaper and didn't even bother to rename it.  (As a side note, SNN Headline News editor Mark Wilson managed to scoop AotW by publishing the first-ever interview granted by multimillionare recluse Mike Ballway.) SNN welcomes its new competition, and promises not to be biased in its treatment and coverage of this upstart would-be newsletter and its childish, petty Editor. 

MicroNews  
by MicroMachinesGuy, SNN Society Editor (if it doesn't say "SNN," it's not the real thing.) 

  • The Internet Department has released a new template for all "official" pages on the STF server.  All Fleet pages and Departmental pages are now required to conform to the new standard, more or less, however, Fleet MOTDs, Ship Pages, and non-governmental pages are exempt.  The new policy accompanied a new starfield background image for all STF pages, as well as a redesigned login screen.
  • #Star-Fleet, the STF chat room on DALnet, now has an official web page.  It includes methods of connecting to the chat room, as well as general rules of conduct and a notice that bugging IDir Nick Oven for OP status will get you nowhere.
  • On 29 September, FComm-4 Larry Garfield, convinced that a complete breakdown of the crew rosters was needed for a debate in the President's Office regarding multiple characters, took a complete inventory of STF's membership and active characters.  His report is posted in the Prez's Office Topic in the OOC Fleet, and the complete spreadsheet he used is available by e-mail reqest in Excel 97 format. 
  • FEATURES
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    RPG:  Random Plot Gems 
    by Deanne Morgan, WeBBsights RPG Correspondent 
  • The USS Alliance has become the latest ship to be home to the infernal animal known as "tribble."  Apparently, a pet tribble kept by one of the Klingon crew members (yes, Klingon) got loose, thanks to the children of CSO Hriss, an Andorian.  An insect species, she mated with a Klingon, or rather spawned, and produced 100 "Klingorians," who are now loose on the ship, hunting "pur purs."
  • The Alliance is also home to the latest AI computer system, this time a replacement for the EMH personality routines.  Developed in conjunction with Nyetscape Communications and Alliance Engineer Andriss Mardall, SWEDE possesses the same medical knowledge as other EMH programs but sounds like the Swedish Chef from the 20th century TV series, "The Muppet Show."
  • Kent's Corner 
    by Mike Ballway, SNN Dictator 
    This is where Mike Ballway's personal column will go, when he gets around to writing it.

    WEBBsights #15 
    "You mean the club is still there?"  
    WeBBsights welcomes any and all comments and criticisms from its readers -- yes, both of you. 
    Direct any messages to Associate Editor Larry Garfield.  
    *   *   *  
    Commodore Michael J. Ballway, Executive Editor 
    Fleet Captain Laurence O. Garfield, Associate Editor 
    Captain Deanne Morgan, RPG Correspondent 
    Ensign Peter Peterson, Bad Jokes Correspondent 
    *   *   * 
    © 1998 Zygweebil Mufasa Productions -- distributed by the Starfleet News Network
    The WeBBsights management will not be held responsible if any of the above information is true.  
    No news occurred during the hiatus of this newspaper.