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Government IRC fallout,
resignations abound
IRC OP control prompts instant
scandal
by Larry Garfield, Government Correspondent
#STAR-FLEET, DAL.NET -- The fastest Command Crisis
ever occurred just this past week, centering around control of STF's official
IRC channel, #Star-Fleet. Much of the Crisis arose from miscommunication
and false assumption, however, SNN's crack investigative team managed to
sort out what did indeed happen. Around Monday, 9 November STF President
Mike Bourdaa, faced with the growing size of the auto-kick list on the
IRC channel, suggested to IDir Chris Healey that the list of SOPs in the
channel, the only administrative level able to add to the auto-kick list,
be limited to Healey, Bourdaa himself, and Vice President Randy McCullick,
removing Deanne Morgan and Colin Wyers from the list and demoting them
to AOP. (AOPs differ from SOPs in that they do not have access to
the auto-kick list.) Healey proceeded to inform Vice President and
SOP Randy McCullick of Bourdaa's decree, but implied that Bourdaa's decision
included removing McCullick as well. Healey asked McCullick to remain
a SOP, which McCullick agreed. Later, Deanne Morgan learned of her
demotion when she signed onto the channel and noticed that McCullick still
held his SOP status. Morgan contacted Healey, who reported that McCullick
retained SOP status because of his position as Vice President. Morgan
filed a complaint with President Bourdaa, stating that governmental rank
should not have any impact on IRC control status. Although his initial
suggestion had included removing McCullick from the SOP list, Bourdaa defended
McCullick's SOP status by saying that indeed the President and Vice President
should have SOP access, unwittingly confirming exactly what Morgan feared.
Morgan had also simultaneously contacted Healey, who had responded that
he "felt threatened" by McCullick, and feared that his position as IDir
was dependent on maintaining McCullick's SOP status. IRC logs, however,
show that there was no threat involved. Morgan also contacted McCullick
by e-mail, but computer difficulties made communicaiton between the two
difficult for nearly 24 hours. Both Morgan and McCullick assumed
that the other was ignoring them, and Morgan and Colin Wyers, the other
former-SOP, began to question what they interpreted as McCullick's abuse
of power. Late Thursday 12 November, Morgan contacted Larry Garfield
for advice on the issue, and, following some debate, Garfield was, mostly
by accident and AOL's return to normal operation, able to get Morgan and
McCullick into an AIM chat. It took only a few minutes for them to
realize that the initial disparity had been in what Healey had told each
of them about Bourdaa's SOP order, as he interpreted it as an order and
not as a suggestion the way Bourdaa had intended it, and in what Healey
had told them about McCullick's SOP status. Further investigation
by Garfield of President Bourdaa in the wee hours of Friday, 13 November
determined that Healey had indeed severely misinterpreted Bourdaa's words,
but Bourdaa did feel that the channel was subject to the government of
STF and therefore the President and Vice President should have SOP access.
Bourdaa, feeling a certain degree of guilt for the dispute, decided to
try and absorb the fallout from the Crisis himself, and dispatched an e-mail
to the Command Mailing List taking full responsibility for the chaos, supporting
his ideas while at the same time criticizing his implementation.
Fallout strikes Command to
its core
by Larry Garfield, Government Insider
STF COMMAND MAILING LIST, FULLERTON, CALIFORNIA
-- At 2:30 PM CST on Friday, 13 November, IDir Chris Healey, after reading
the e-mails that had been submitted to the Command Mailing List over the
past 22 hours as well as discussions he had had with Deanne Morgan, STF
President Michael Bourdaa, and Randy McCullick, came to a decision.
Although he always felt his primary role as IDir was the web site of STF
and not the IRC channel, he still felt that the ID should regulate the
channel. However, when faced with what he called "the typical norm
with Star-Fleet secret meetings and back stabbing," he came to a decision,
and tendered his resignation from STF, leaving IDir, CO of the USS Columbus,
and AFComm-6. He stated that he was "astonished by the way that some
_adults_ have behaved in recent times regarding the issue of IRC."
Healey stated that the work he had done for the STF website, which had
been met with general approval even by critics of his earlier designs,
would remain the property of STF, and that he had no intention of removing
or retracting any of the work he had done. In response, GMDir Deanne
Morgan and recently-promoted Captain Seamus Hughes both announced that
they were considering resigning as well. Fearing the destructive
impact this would have on STF, FComm-4 Larry Garfield called for an emergency
summit of the involved players on the night of Saturday, 14 November, to
meet in a side IRC room. Garfield, Morgan, Wyers, Hughes, Bourdaa,
and McCullick were in attendance, but Healey was unable to attend.
The general consensus at the First IRC Crisis Summit was that everyone
had overreacted, severely. It was not decided if Healey had been
in error when he gave different stories to Morgan and McCullick or if he
had deliberately lied, although it was decided that it was pretty much
irrelevant at that point. President Bourdaa, felling that he had
been the instigator of the whole issue, announced that he was considering
resigning as President before the end of his term. On Sunday, 15
November Healey was finally contacted (the time difference between the
United States and Great Britain making contact difficult). He stated
upon reading the log of the First IRC Crisis Summit that he was very displeased
with the way he was being made out the bad guy. Bourdaa and Garfield
called for a second summit, to which Healey agreed, however scheduling
conflicts kept it from taking place until nearly 11:00 PM CST. Taking
place mostly by a series of one-on-one conversations, the Second IRC Crisis
Summit centered around the letter dispatched to the Command Mailing List
by Healey in response to the log of the previous night. Garfield,
who had become the unofficial moderator of the Crisis, mistakenly allowed
Healey to post his rebuttal to the Command Mailing List sight-unseen.
As a result, the List was given only a single side of the issue, one which
was directly inflammatory towards both Morgan and McCullick. Quick
mailings by both Bourdaa and McCullick pointed out the error in this decision,
but not before Morgan announced that she was again considering her resignation,
believing her name to have been unfairly tainted. Garfield, McCullick,
and Bourdaa were able to convince her to stay, at least provisionally.
Bourdaa also stated that he was going to stick it out for the remainder
of his term.
The Crisis of Faulty Communication
A WeBBsights EDITORIAL
This is the second major STF governmental Crisis of 1998. The
first was the ED Crisis of early 1998, which centered around the question
of abuse of power and political disputes which resulted in bringing the
ED to a standstill and turning it into a posted mud-slinging fest.
This second, the IRC Crisis, is different. In this case, the origins
of the Crisis can be traced to a few simple problems, problems which have
been growing in STF since the movement to the WeBB.
-
Misunderstanding and Misinterpretation. The instigation for the Crisis
was President Bourdaa's suggestion that the SOP list should be cut.
It was a misinterpretation of this suggestion as a command by Chris Healey
that began the whole incident. Similarly, both Deanne Morgan and
Randy McCullick misinterpreted each other's silence, the result of ever-present
computer and Real-Life difficulties, as a deliberate attempt to ignore
the other. Once they actually spoke with each other directly, they
quickly realized that neither of them had been ignoring the other,
but had not received messages from the other, a completely different problem.
-
Speed The entire IRC Crisis took a mere 6 days, long enough for Fleet
Two to make a half dozen posts. Many members had not even logged
in during that time, yet the Crisis had gone from a simple misunderstanding
to the largest scandal of the Bourdaa Administration. The bulk of
the dispute took place between Thursday evening and Friday afternoon, a
time span of perhaps 20 hours. In 20 hours, less than one day, the
fingerpointing and resignations appeared and spawned more of themselves.
There was no time for tempers to cool, statements to be processed, or facts
to be reviewed.
The only place where Presidential action actually led to an escalating
of the Crisis, despite President Bourdaa's attempt to draw the blame off
of other members of the Cabinet, was Bourdaa's statement to Deanne that
as President and Vice President, he and Randy should have SOP access while
others did not. This was different than his initial statement to
Chris, which was merely a suggestion to remove ALL SOPs besides Chris and
Mike. Whether it was an oversight on his part or an attempt to cover
for Chris or Randy is irrelevant; it still contributed to the escalating
crisis. The question of speed also brings up the question of the
nature of IRC. One of the primary complaints about the Hertzsch Administration
was that while Hertzsch was rarely on the WeBB, most governmental business
was conduced on IRC by a select number of IRC junkies known as the Kitchen
Cabinet or Command Cadre. Most members never saw governmental business
until it was implemented, for better or worse. One highlight of the
Bourdaa Administration has been the dramatic increase in governmental activity
taking place on the WeBB instead of IRC. The shining example of this
WeBB-based, friendlier government is the USS Titania, the Fast Ship.
Nevertheless, we still have a long way to go before the hidden channels
are permanently removed. Much business is still conducted on IRC,
or via instant messenger programs such as ICQ or AIM. The new Command
Mailing List is more open, but still not a good place for discussion of
complicated business and governmental debate. Yet the IRC Crisis,
both in its origins and its resolution, occurred via IRC, Command and private
e-mails, and instant messengers. Not a single post was made on the
topic. To anyone "out of the loop," Chris's resignation comes with
no warning and no reason. Although not everyone reads the Command
Area, it is available to all members should they want to read it.
That cannot be said of IRC, IM, or even the Command Mailing List.
Additionally, because of the real time nature of IRC and IM, things happen
far faster than they do via posting. Even the Command Mailing List
is nearly real time if more than one member is online at once and has an
e-mail program that checks mail regularly. While sometimes this faster
communication is necessary and vital -- such as in the case of a member
who is acting up, settling a two person conflict such as Deanne and Randy
in this case, or even just to speed up a complicated discussion -- it can
also isolate the government from the membership. Any advanced debate
should be conduced on the WeBB, like the GM Regulations currently are.
Questions of immediate power such as this will certainly begin via e-mail
or IRC, but should then move into the open on the WeBB. This not
only forces people to think more before responding, it also forces the
issue out into the open and keeps the members of the government on their
best behavior. Of course, no one can be forced to read the Command
Area. But anyone can. And that means that civility
is more likely, and angry resignations less frequent. Unfortunately,
however, as demonstrated by last Spring's ED Crisis, sometimes there is
no way to stop a fight, not even an audience that does not want it.
I must also comment about the last night of the Second IRC Crisis Summit.
It was a mistake on my part to allow Chris to present his story directly
to the List, when no one else had done so previously. While attempting
to make the proceedings more open, I made them more one-sided. In
doing so, I made it look as if both Randy and Deanne had acted maliciously
or inappropriately. That was not the case at all. I have reviewed
the information available, and the only inappropriate or unprofessional
statements I saw were in Chris's final letter to the Command Mailing List.
The rumor mills have been working overtime in the past 72 hours, and I
can tell you that most of what you have heard, if anything, is likely false.
Please do not believe anything you read or hear, only that which is printed
in WeBBsights. |
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Articles of Organization
resubmitted
by Larry Garfield, AO Manager
STF H.Q., SANFRANSISCO -- The proposed STF Constitution,
the Articles of Organization, have finally been revised and resubmitted
to the membership for review. AO draft 0 was known as the STF Charter
and was the brainchild of Mike Ballway. It appeared briefly last
December. Draft 1, the first to bear the name Articles of Organization,
appeared last Spring in response to the growing questions about abuse of
power in the Hertzsch Administration. It was managed and edited by
Larry Garfield, who currently is in charge of the revision and approval
process. Draft 2 was delayed by numerous Real-Life constraints, and
has now been made public. It is hoped that a final version of the
AO can be submitted to a vote before the end of this presidential term.
The Articles
of Organization Draft 2 (AOd2) are being hosted in Packrat
Central on the STF server. All members are strongly encouraged
to read them and then offer their opinions and suggestions in the "Command
Area/Starfleet Command/Artiles of Organization" Topic. This is the
ONLY place where discussion of the AO is allowed, as it is equally accessible
to all members. Comments and suggestions made on IRC, on ships, in
the OOC Area, etc. will be ignored. If you read the AO and find that
you like it and wish to go on record as supporting it, you may e-mail Larry
Garfield and ask to be included in the next draft as an undersignee.
Being an undersignee does not mean complete approval of the AO, but support
for the AO's principles, ends, and most of the implementation. Again,
all STF members are strongly encouraged to participate in the discussion
of what will become the Constitution of STF.
Nathan Miller forced into
LOA
by Larry Garfield, SNN Janitor-in-Training
STF H.Q., SAN FRANCISCO -- Captain Nathan Miller
announced on 2 November that he would have to take an extended Leave Of
Absence from STF, effective immediately. His scholastic constraints,
he said, were too much at the moment, and he needed to concentrate on those
for the time being. December 16 was the date he set for his return
or resignation, depending on work load. His last order before leaving
STF was to invite everyone to the funeral that would be held if he wasn't
heard from by the 16th. Faced with the temporary departure of this
fine officer, support from fellow officers was fast in coming. Miller's
command, the USS Titania, normally has an AWOL policy of 10 minutes,
but his crew has sworn to keep the ship active and Miller's seat warm until
he returns in six weeks. Such dedication is rarely seen from a crew,
especially from a crew made up of pathetic people with no lives outside
of a silly Internet game. (JOKE!) Similar support has been
granted to almost all of Miller's positions. Montgomery CE
:Larry Garfield will be acting XO for the next few weeks until Miller returns
to reclaim it, provisionally leaving the CE slot to former Monty CO Andrew
Zbikowski. Similar acts of support have appeared on Crell and on
Miller's other ships. WeBBsights, for its part, hopes that
this fine officer is able to return to STF in time to play Santa Claus
at the SNN Children's Christmas Party, as the backup Santa is Executive
Editor Mike Ballway.
STF's national pastime
by Michael J. Ballway, WeBBsights
Sports Writer
USS TRINITRON, FLEET TWO -- The MOTD has changed
and the roster has been trimmed. The USS Trinitron, recently
stripped of its Flagship status since the departure of Commodore Mike Barclay,
is getting ready for its new CO: Commander Seamus Hughes, the most
feared man (?) this side of SNN Center. Old-timers can remember an
OOC without Cmdr. Hughes, but those memories are dying out. Kick-da-Seamus,
the skillful contest of berating Cmdr. Hughes, became popular when the
wacky journalist became active in IRC and the OOC, from late 1997 through
early 1998. The sport was hit hard by Cmdr. (then Captain) Hughes'
strike, er, retirement last summer; lately, however, it has enjoyed a rejuvenation.
Spectators of Kick-da-Seamus were finally brought back into its insult
arenas -- their confidence having been shattered previously by Cmdr. Hughes'
retirement -- when famous Seamus-Kickers Mike Bourdaa and Colin Wyers went
head-to-head last month in an all-out Kick-da-Seamus marathon, with Commodore
Wyers barely squeaking by Fleet Admiral Bourdaa by a score of 70 to 66
kicks (this even when one of Cdre. Wyers' later kicks was disqualified
because it was actually an IRC character-kick, and not an insult as tradition
demands). Although the competition was somewhat tarnished by allegations
that Cdre. Wyers was composing his kicks with a special form of thesaurus
that is outlawed in most other STF sports, attendance figures from #Star-Fleet
and the WeBB OOC prove that the fans are coming out in support of Kick-da-Seamus
once again. Nobody knows what will happen in the next season of Kick-da-Seamus,
especially now that Cmdr. Hughes is returning to the Center Seat of a ship
for the first time since his resignation. Will the new job confer
on Cmdr. Hughes a new prestige, a new respectability, thus proving these
last few months a fluke -- albeit an enjoyable and exciting fluke?
Or will Kick-da-Seamus continue to expand and grow in the hearts and minds
of STFers everywhere as Cdre. Wyers tries to beat his own record of 70
Kicks? Nobody knows yet, but everyone agrees that these last few
months will certainly go down in history as one of the best Kick-da-Seamus
seasons ever.
WeBB software gets revamp
by Larry Garfield, Chief Software Correspondent
NYETSCAPE COMMUNICATIONS, NOVSIBIRSK -- On 7 November,
the the WeBB data structure underwent a massive redesign. Officially
classified by Nyetscape Communications, who first proposed the revamp but
left implementation to WeBB coder Mike Bourdaa, as a patch to WeBB 2.0.2,
the redesign centered around the Fleet formerly known as OutOfCharacter.
Faced with the utter lack of OOC activity in this fleet in light of the
growing popularity of the WeBB OOC Area ship, the OutOfCharacter Fleet
was renamed "Command Area." The internal structure of the fleet remained
constant, with the primary change being the replacement of "Central HQ"
with "Starfleet Command." The Fleet Listing was also edited to list
fleets in numerical rather than alphabetical order. These changes
came shortly after former IDir Chris Healey released the new and improved
STF website to generally positive reviews, even from initially skeptical
critics.
Seamus Hughes is revolting
by Larry Cardinal Garfield, Would-Be Pope
NOVAROMA VII -- In true Seamusian fashion, Pope
Seamus Hughes of the Church of Sisko, upon hearing of the WeBB update patch,
left the Church to establish the fanatical Church of Central HQ.
Issuing a seven point manifesto in OOC, Hughes called for the reinstitution
of the Central HQ ship, that Kick-Da-Seamus be suspended until such time
as it can be made the official game of Fleet Seven under the new name of
Kick-Da-FComm-Seamus, and that Mike Ballway and Mike Barclay change their
names to something less confusing. Reaction from STF President Mike
Bourdaa was swift, in the form of The Eight Letters of Doom: ROTFLMAO.
Meanwhile, the vacancy left by Hughes in the Church of Sisko has led to
severe infighting as several different factions vie for power. Pope
Emeritus Mike II Ballway declared that he was returning to his former position,
while HIS predecessor Pope Mike I Barclay declared that he had never left
the position in the first place. Mike I's nonexistence on STF damaged
his claims to the Papacy. Meanwhile, Larry Cardinal Garfield, Archbishop
of Crell, offered himself into the running, declaring that the Church needed
a new direction, away from power struggles and towards helping people,
even if it meant killing all non-believers to do it. Following three
large battles in orbit of Novaroma VII, it was finally decided that newcomer
Pope Mike-Seamus I would assume control of the largest religious establishment
in STF. Mike-Seamus I's first speech, however, suggested his intent
to clean up corruption in the Church, especially supposed ties to the Orion
Syndicate. Within three days of his announcement, he was found dead
in his sleep of "brain failure." Initial evidence suggesting foul
play was quickly discarded. His protégé, now Pope Mike-Seamus
II, was elected to succeed him. Mike-Seamus II's initial speech sounded
much like that of his predecessor, but lacked discussion of clearing out
the Orion Syndicate. So far, his life span is estimated to be longer
than Mike-Seamus I's.
GWF Command shuffles its deck
by Michael J. Ballway, Personnel Management
Specialist (yeah, right.)
STARBASE 93, OMEGA QUETZIA -- The revolving personnel
soap opera that is our Second Fleet took another strange twist this week
when Mike Barclay, originally a strong critic of the "Slow Fleet" proposal
but lately better known as AFComm of the Great White Fleet, was declared
AWOL by FComm-2 Mike Ballway. Commodore Barclay's other GWF position,
CO of the USS Trinitron, was also forfeited. Cdre. Barclay
had not posted on the Trin for almost two months, a flagrant violation
of even Fleet Two's liberal AWOL policy. The former AFComm is reported
to have logged on to IRC a few days after his Wednesday dismissal, but
he supposedly made no comment on the FComm's decision and even alluded
to resigning from STF. With Cdre. Barclay's departure, the number
of high-level GWF vacancies increased to 3 out of the 6 positions:
Fleet Captain B.J. Phillips' AWOL left his XO position open on the Trinitron,
and Commander Seamus Hughes' departure from Constellation XO left
a gap not filled until as recently as Friday. Captain Mark Longanbach
temporarily took over Cdre. Barclay's former posts as aAFComm and aCO of
the Trinitron (he had originally been hired as aXO to replace B.J.).
In a sudden move on Friday, though, Seamus Hughes returned to Fleet Two
as the new CO of the Trinitron; a new XO will be selected by him later.
"The latest news from Second Fleet Ops is that Captain Mark Wilson, Associate
Editor of SNN and current CO of Fleet One's Victorious, will join the Constellation
crew as Commodore Ballway's new XO." Captain Longanbach remains aAFComm
pending Cdre. Ballway's final decision.
Captain Mark Longanbach
by Michael J. Ballway, STF Spelling Director
MESA, ARIZONA -- Mark, we are truly sorry.
Please accept our condolences for misspelling your name all these times.
As compensation, there you see it, in big letters, spelled correctly.
MicroNews
by Peter Peterson, SNN Chimney Sweep
GMDir Deanne Morgan has resubmitted the proposed GM Regulations
for debate in the President's Office. All STFers are welcome to attend.
So far, the only points of contention have been Self-RPGs and COs being
GMs of their own ship. The former has been settled, the latter is
still up for grabs.
The Internet Department debate regarding copyright control of pages on
the STF server and the extent to which the ID can regulate formatting and
content has dried up recently in the President's Office, where it moved
after a healthy beginning on the Command Mailing List. The future
of the discussion is uncertain in light of the resignation of IDir Chris
Healey.
With the apparent departure of Aurora class designer Aaron Holland,
who has been AWOL for several months, STF President Mike Bourdaa
has decreed that all Aurora-class vessels be converted into some
other class within the next eight months. Although all classes are
now considered the property of the ED if the original designer leaves STF,
those regulations were set down after Holland went AWOL, and Bourdaa feels
that it would be unfair to him to usurp his design without notice.
Instead, the Aurora is being phased out and removed from the list
of approved classes.
The Darwin-class USS Asimov is being comissoined in Fleet
Four, to replace the recently departed IKS chunDab. In a surprise
move, Command gave command of this new vessel to Captain Andrew Zbikowski,
who was recently removed from the USS Montgomery. FCOmm-4
Larry Garfield has ordered that all Department Heads for the initial crew
be transfers only, and transfers will be given preference over new characters
for dash-1 and dash-2 positions. Interested parties should contact
Zbikowski directly by e-mail.
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PERSONALITY
FOCUS
Nikolle Burchett, assistant
hater of her last name
by Larry Garfield, WeBBsights Political
Hack
BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA -- Nikolle Burchett first
joined STF last January, while hunting for a Star Trek RPG club online.
Since then, she has risen to control four characters on the Genesis,
Independence,
and Futura, as well as XO of the USS Columbus. Nikolle
recently transferred her Futura character to become the new CO of
the USS Montgomery, as well as new AFComm-4.
Niki, 25, works in a bowling alley where she was just promoted to Assistant
Manager as well as Assistant FComm-4. "I enjoy reading sci fi, so
it's like an unwritten book," she said about STF. "It's fun helping
to create the story." In what little spare time she has, Niki likes
to read and get updates from her friends about the parties she missed while
at work. Her only company at home currently is her two cats, Rosie
and Milly. Her boyfriend Rob finds her time on the computer to be
unnatural, but as yet has not threatened to assassinate STF President Mike
Bourdaa in order to get her away. Probably the only Monty Python
fan in the worlds who doesn't catch a joke about the airspeed of an unladed
swallow, Niki plans to introduce even more bad running gags onto the Monty.
RPG: RANDOM PLOT GEMS
As the Starship Turns
by Deanne Morgan and the WeBBsights
Staff
Sixth Fleet: USS Independence:
Special operations vessel and home to one of the more peculiar cast of
characters in the fleet. Commodore Brandon McKee, Indy CO, has a
daughter in his quarters whom no one has seen. Za’Mont, half Vulcan,
half Betazoid CSO, is a walking split personality. When work is to
be done, his Vulcan half is in control. Off-duty, his Betazoid side
has him laughing his way through the night. One would think ship's
counselor Mystica Jones would notice, but she's busy mourning the death
of her younger brothers and flirting with the science officer. Security
chief Gavin Bishop manages to avoid discussing the loss of his arms and
subsequent attachment of cloned replacements by wining and dining CMO Calhia
Brynn with pizza and Dr. Pepper. And Intel officer Tallen, fiancé
of engineer Daniel Hawkins, is adjusting to her inability to walk by careening
all over the ship in an upright hovercraft. With a crew like this,
who needs soap operas?
Fifth Fleet: In sooth, m’lord,
tidings of misgivings spring forth from yon USS Genesis. It
started as a simple experiment in Artificial Intelligence by Genesis
historian Beauford. Only when a promotion party on the holodeck
is crashed by King Henry VIII and his court did Beauford realize just how
wrong his experiment went. Now Henry is looking to divorce his wife,
Queen Catherine of Aragon, so he can wed Lady Ann Boleyn. But in
this dose of history, Lady Ann is really Captain T’Nira. Will the
engineers figure a way to break into the holodeck before T’Nira must relive
history? Or will her first officer and lover, Commander Zipakna,
find another way to protect her honor?
Fourth Fleet: Whoever thought
planet-side living isn't as exciting as ship-board hasn't visited Crell,
the primo vacation spot of Fourth Fleet recently. Cafe owner Katarina McDuff,
pregnant with twins by her ex-husband, balances running her restaurant
with appeasing her rampant desire for pickles. She's also lending
a hand to tavern owner, Bouree Alis. Bouree’s lover, Lastrik Pfen,
entered the third phase of a terminal illness, and the former Bajoran general
must rush Pfen to
proper medical facilities. SNN editor Oliver Garfield is assisting
Bouree by using the network's ship, SS Scandal, to transport them.
Real estate agent Ryan Churchill played backup bartender when Pfen grew
ill. Will he take the next step and try to keep the tavern open while
Bouree travels with Pfen? Meanwhile, Larry Cardinal Garfield welcomed
home one of the Sisko flock when Lillith Beaumont left Starfleet to return
to the temple.
Third Fleet: Fourth Fleet’s USS
Montgomery
may go through ship pieces like water [such as four destroyed bridges at
last count], but the current USS Hopper goes through ships almost
as fast. Early this year, the USS Brooklyn and then its successor,
USS Boston, under the command of Captain Seamus Hughes and his brother,
Captain Seamus Hughes, were destroyed by evil Intel officers aboard the
Hopper.
The Hopper then succeeded the Boston as Third Fleet’s fifth
ship. Now the Hopper, currently under the command of Commodore
Kavox Cox, has been destroyed. This time, destruction came from the
hands of an Intel double agent, with a little help from a Cardassian cargo
ship helmed by Kavox and Hopper Counselor Indigo Montoya.
The Hopper crew has transferred to the USS
George Washington.
How long will this ship last? Current betting pools place the favorite
at "as long as it takes Colin to get an evil idea."
Second Fleet: Jon R. Stevenson,
CO of USS Constellation, is learning you just can't get good help
these days. While waiting for his engineering staff to fix his malfunctioning
replicator, Stevenson failed to notice a huge tentacle erupting from the
device. The tentacle wrapped itself around the captain's throat and
hoisted him into the air. Luckily, Stevenson's impression of
the “Psycho” shower scene saved his neck, literally. Maybe he should
use similar tactics to get results from his engineers.
In Other News: Diplomatic relations
have been established with the Seetha by the crew of the USS Alliance,
ending months of bloodshed following the entrance of the Crag into the
Federation. The treaty establishes a border and a neutral zone, and
is expected to be honored by both sides, unless a GM has other ideas.
Have news of your own?
WeBBsights welcomes any contributions to RPG
from its readers. Send your RPG
articles to SNN Associate Editor Larry
Garfield.
COMMENTARY
Dominion retreats, immortality
debate continues
by Genesun Han, WeBBsights Senior
Columnist
UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN, MICHIGAN -- For the fourth
week in a row, STF troops pushed deep into Dominion space, defeating the
Dominion 12th Fleet and successfully capturing of the 37th and 9th Armies
of Cardassia. Starfleet Command attributed the surprising reversal of fortune
in the Federation/Dominion War to recent discoveries in the nature of the
STF Universe. The new knowledge was first uncovered by accident by experts
at STF's Gamemaster Department, who were busy reviewing the RPG rules of
STF. Their seemingly modest research showed that RPG characters could not
be unwillingly killed by the GM. The larger implication, however, was not
lost on President Bourdaa, who immediately convened an advisory committee
to examine the potential problems that
immortality could bring. The President specifically pointed out several
problems which might immediately arise, including "Superheroes - people
who's characters do insane things like attack a squadron of Jem'hadar Cruisers
- with a pocketknife." Ironically, the President's vocal advocacy backfired,
as STF members became giddy with power over their previously unknown immortality.
While debate raged on in the Command area, pocketknife wielding STF members
in Fleet Four and Fleet Three staged simultaneous attacks on the Dominion
Front, advancing several light years in a matter of days. Fleet 5 was expected
to join the attack, but was forced to delay their movements due to dull
knives. The Swiss and the Klingons have reported that pocketknife production
has been increased 400% to meet demand, as shares of Starfleet Swiss Pocketknife
Inc. rose an astonishing 1000% to close at 83.62. While Starfleet Command
is expected to re-write the laws of the STF Universe soon, experts predict
that it will come after a swift victory over the Dominion, and possibly
the BORG as well.
Possible Presidential candidates
by Mark Wilson, Who Invaded the WS Offices
and Stuck This Into the Printer at the Last Minute
MENTOR, OHIO -- In lieu of Cheese-at-Large Bourdaa's
latest speech concerning the midpoint of his term (meaning if one can multiply
one side of his term by two and get the full length of the term), I would
like to take some opportunity to talk about possible Presidential candidates
for the future. Current Gouda Bourdaa has wrenched himself from the
running, so let's examine the opportunities we have right in front of us.
Greg "One more pun and I'll kill you"
Hertzsch:
He's funky, he's spunky, he's got curly hair. Surely he would be
the best choice for STF's Presidency. He's got the experience necessary
to drag STF into the last two years of the millennium. Man cannot
live by curly hair, alone, so talk about the WeBB, that came into being
during Hertzsch's dictatorship. On the other side of the pence, there
was Jeff Field. Enough said.
Seamus "Colors are also called" Hughes:
Not as spunky or nearly as funky as the former Mr. STF, but with twice
the amount of hat hair. Hughes is the publisher of STF's pariah paper,
Aye
on the WeBB, and currently resides in his own little world on Tripod's
server. This is not to say that Hughes would make a bad President;
he's proven himself worthy to STF and we're not quite sure we know where
we'd be without him.
Willy Davis: He's not spunky
or funky and seeks to annoy everyone in STF. The very fact that he
would consider running boggles the mind of everyone in this quiet little
club.
Israel Harris: Just as annoying
as Davis, and with twice the leg hair. Israel Harris' campaign platform
is currently under repair for faulty carpentry.
Mark Wilson: Currently employed
as SNN's garbage man, this foul-smelling creature should be classified
below Harris and above Davis. A team of air conditioner repair specialists
has been hired to investigate his reasons for running in this election.
There you have it, the candidates thus far for STF's February elections.
Which one will win? I place my bets on Israel Harris, because I've
got money to spare.
AYE ON THE COMPETITION
More STFers get their news
from SNN...
by Michael J. Ballway, SNN Executive Editor
WORCESTER, MASSACHUSETTS -- "More Americans get
their news from ABC News than from any other source." This is certainly
a datum that troubles me; as Head Honcho of a competing news service (SNN)
I find it necessary at all times to hate the leader (in this case, ABC).
Perhaps that's what motivated everyone's chum, Seamus Hughes, to react
so violently to the reserved and academic criticism of Aye on the WeBB
that SNN presented in the last WeBBsights issue.
Although I would submit that the gallant Commander Hughes still has
more to fear from Sam Donaldson than he does from me (at least I don't
wear deadly attack tribbles . . . what, you think that's a toupee?), it
seems to me that SNN could recycle a slogan that it has only used once
before, and in Spanish at that: "More STFers get their news from
SNN than from any other source." As Andrew Zbikowski, the most prolific
writer on the AOTW guestbook, puts it, "WeBBsights is geared up
to be something informative... Aye on the other hand is, well...
leaning to the lighter side of news." As STF's news leader, SNN --
WeBBsights in particular -- takes seriously its role as a chronicler
of STF's past and <cough> impartial <cough> reporter of the WeBB's
latest happenings. Aye on the WeBB, as Captain Zbikowski's
letter points out, is primarily a humorous offering, much in the same vein
as our very own SNN Headline News.
Sure, we take a shot at humor every once in a while -- just like AOTW
sometimes makes a halfhearted attempt at reporting news. But true
STF journalism connoisseurs will be able to separate us from AOTW:
We're Time, they're MAD Magazine. I'm not sure what
that makes Mark Wilson's SNN/HN, but the analogy fits for us and Aye.
And is this necessarily a bad thing? STFers have the best of both
worlds by having both WeBBsights and Aye on the WeBB in their
pantheon of news organizations.
They say we paid them a grave insult by reporting that their news coverage
is spotty. I don't buy that for one second; AOTW is a strong paper
despite its news coverage, not because of it. C'est la vie, Seamus,
Vive la difference. |