| WeBBsights. | |
| -- YOUR
#1 SOURCE FOR WeBB MISINFORMATION
--
Issue 19 - Monday, 11 January 1999 - A Publication of SNN and ZMP Limited |
|
| H
E A D L I N E S
|
Prez returns; Edict #24 fires AWOL REM
|
| THE NEWS | |
| T
H E N
|
Crell hosts long-awaited marriage
By Larry Cardinal Garfield, Archbishop of Crell SISKO TEMPLE, CRELL, FLEET FOUR -- Tallen, the El Aurian Intelligence officer with a Vulcan's sense of humor, and Daniel Hawkins, a truly sensitive engineer [but aren't they all? --Ed.], were married Saturday, 2 January 1999, at the Sisko Temple on Crell in the most elaborate chain-posting session in STF history. The two officers, controlled by Deanne Morgan and Nathan Miller, respectively, first met on Outpost 42 as ensigns during the Military Coup that comprised Fleet Three's fleetwide RPG early last year. The two characters, as well as the two members, immediately hit it off (although in different ways), and Tallen and Hawkins began one of the longest romances in STF history. Although seperated by duty (and Miller's LOA over the summer) for a long time, the couple met again on the USS Independence in Fleet Six. Finally admitting their feelings, the couple-to-be selected Crell, the Crag homeworld and center of Fleet Four, as the site of their marriage. The entire planet's civilian population was invited to attend, as were other characters from around Starfleet. The couple's current CO, Commodore Brandon McKee (Colin Wyers), was there, as was their old friend from OP42, Lt. Stoek (Larry Garfield). Many other members of the bride's far-flung family were also present, including Linnis, the newly appointed Q, and Lorret (both Deanne Morgan), who has just managed to return from the Delta Quadrant via overnight mail [Note to Berman: Possible Voyager series finale? --Ed.]. Locals Lillith Beaumont (Deanne), Bradford Lumen (Bob Spurlin), and several others were present, as were out-of-towners such as the Tavoraks (Deanne and Nathan) from the USS Titania, Commander Seamus Hughes (Guess who?), and pathetic drunk Patrick McGuire (Seamus Hughes). The event was covered by SNN's own Oliver Garfield and Elliot Carver. Archbishop of Crell Larry Cardinal Garfield, head of the Fransiskoan order of Siskoism, officiated the ceremony. In all, the wedding took two and half hours and over 90 posts, making it the most elaborate single event in WeBB history. Amazingly, DALnet, the IRC network used by STF, announced that it hit 30,000 simultaneous users almost at the same time as the two said "I do." Secrets revealed in IRC By Larry Garfield, The Guy Who Really Sold the Atom Bomb to the Russians #STAR-FLEET, IRC -- During the Crell wedding festivities [see previous story --Ed.], the participating members met in IRC to discuss the events of the WeBB. Deanne Morgan, Nathan Miller, Larry Garfield, Bob Spurlin, Seamus Hughes, and Colin Wyers were present at the wedding, and Steve Ashton, Deanne's new RL fiance, was with Deanne at her house next to her at the computer. While the main action of the evening was on the WeBB, some interesting facts turned up on the side discussions in IRC. Many STFers will be ecstatic to know that Colin Wyers has only 9 toes, two of them having fused together. Even more interesting is the fact that Deanne Morgan has not two but one kidney! But by far the most interesting juicy bit of fluff of the evening barely escaped SNN's bloodhound reporters. All that is known at this time is that it involves Steve Ashton, handcuffs, and "modeling." Stay tuned to SNN for more improper details. AOTW #7 mires Hughes in controversy by Mike Ballway, Keeping an Aye on Seamus STF HQ, SAN FRANCISCO -- As STFers settled down to celebrate the Christmas season and winter in general, a crisis among STF's newsmedia -- the first such disagreement of high magnitude -- cast a dark shadow across the yuletide Prez Office. SNN Associate Editor Larry Garfield, had been the victim of "harrassment" during the third week of December, as Aye on the WeBB staff dropped ominous hints at the contents of the forthcoming AOTW #7 and teased FCpt. Garfield about what they assumed would be his negative reaction. When the issue was finally published, on 23 or 24 December, FCpt. Garfield -- and those STFers who were able to read it during its short tenure online -- were able to see what all the hubbub was about. Instead of using the usual Aye on the WeBB format, publisher Seamus Hughes and his staff had used a copy of WeBBsights' format, which was designed by FCpt. Garfield and SNN Executive Editor Mike Ballway. After seeing AOTW #7, in the heat of the moment, FCpt. Garfield wrote a protest letter in the President's Office in STF Command. Although he never threatened to sue Seamus, the letter (dated 24 December at 05:30 CST) made it clear that if such "copyright infringement" had taken place in the print medium and outside of STF, FCpt. Garfield would have taken legal action. Additionally, the letter demanded the resignation of Capt. Hughes, a stipulation that FCpt. Garfield later admitted was purely emotional and, in hindsight, was uncalled-for. Capt. Hughes was surprised and shocked by the letter, and (under the misconception that FCpt. Garfield did indeed threaten to sue) he resigned at 14:02 CST that day. Cmdr. Linus Lindblad, reading the original letter, commented "What a way, to spoil Christmas day"; reaction by other STFers blamed both parties. FComm-6 Colin Wyers, Capt. Hughes' FComm, said that "AOTW #7 was hilarious, Larry's message was way overkill, and Seamus was too damn paranoid about Larry actually filing suit." FComm-5 Nathan Miller, who was on AOTW staff, believed that Capt. Hughes wasn't trying to hurt or infringe upon anyone, and said that "Larry could have thought his actions through a bit more." Later, Hughes, after he spoke to Garfield and the two settled their differences peaceably, rejoined STF without penalty, and has returned to his jobs as AFComm-6 and CO of the USS Futura. He has announced, though, that AOTW #7 (which he removed from Aye's tripod.com site after reading Larry's letter) was the last Aye on the WeBB. WeBB's first engagement not first marriage By Larry Garfield, How Does He Find This Stuff? GOSHEN, INDIANA -- A few issues back we reported that STFers Faith Bronsing and John Storer II were engaged, and that Faith had recently had a miscarriage. Well, the next chapter in the saga has now emerged, with the end of their engagement. According to our special investigative team (the coffee mugs), the couple had acknowledged the inherent problem of their age, Faith being 20 and John only 18. Shortly after their engagement, Faith began to drift back towards her previous signifigant other, more by accident than by design. Lest our readers feel she was being malicious, our other investigative team (the coffee pot) discovered that John had lied to Faith about several matters, even before he found out about the side afair from fellow STFer and RL friend Ben Wisniewski. The pair finally sat down with Faith's ex and decided that things simply weren't working, and agreed to let everything rest. At last report (from the creamer) the trio is waiting to see what if anything develops between any of them. SNN wishes them the best of luck with whoever the eventually pair off with. ED passes three ships By Larry Garfield, Our New Engineering Director STF HQ, SAN FRANCISCO -- Fleet Captain Larry Garfield has been active in the ED for over a year, but only achieved the high office of Engineering Cheese with President Bourdaa's Edict #24. He had been serving as acting EDir for over a week since former EDir McCullick was passed over for aPrez during FAdm. Bourdaa's absence, and has breathed new life into the recently inactive department. During his week of being acting Technical Cheese, FCpt. Garfield finally approved the long-awaited Magellan class, as well as Capt. Nate Miller's revision to the Valhalla-class Runabout, used as support craft on several other ships. Since his appointment as EDir, FCpt. Garfield has managed to finally pass the long awaited Columbus class, which has been "in review" for over a year. It could not have been soon enough for new CO Bob Spurlin and the latest Columbus sponsor, Capt. Seamus Hughes, who made last-minute changes insisted upon by the new EDir. Although a new batch of death threats and assassinations were made in IRC, there were no demands for resignation on either side. Within five minutes of the approval of the Columbus, the new USS Seraph was comissioned in Fleet Six. Peasants revolt on F1's Vicky By Michael J. Ballway, Imperialist-Capitalist Bourgeois Lackey USS VICTORIOUS, FLEET ONE -- The forces that run counter to our democratic ideals scored another brief victory last month, as Enginering Department peasants brainwashed by CE Owen Townes declared a Bolshevik revolt on Fleet One's USS Victorious. The attempted coup started on 3 December, when Cmdr. Townes roleplayed a call to arms in the Vicky's Engineering room. Despite managing to incite the entire Nameless Ensign complement of Engineering to follow with revolutionary zeal, Cmdr. Townes' uprising was quickly quashed when it reached the Bridge. A short-lived battle (proletariats wielding trout versus unarmed Bridge Crew, a la IRC) was conclusively ended when, on 22 December, CSO Seamus Hughes shouted "Look! A plasma coil that needs realigning!" This momentarily distracted Cmdr. Townes' Engineering peons ("gets 'em every time," Lt. Cmdr. Hughes would later remark) and gave Captain Mark Wilson the break he needed to transport the uprising off the Bridge, a setback from which they never recovered. In a strange twist, Capt. Wilson has promoted Cmdr. Townes to Executive Officer. The new CE of the Vicky, Lt. Aaron Kent (played by Commodore Mike Ballway), told SNN that additional rebellions would not be allowed. Cmdr. Townes is still, he claims, adjusting to the brighter lights on the Bridge (as compared to Engineering). Just remember that 2 + 2 = 5, Owen, and you'll be OK. Blue, Red challenge Purple Jello juggernaut By Larry Garfield, Grand Moff of the Blue Jello Empire OOC ZONE, RISA -- On 9 January, in light of growing tension between the purist Blue Jello institution and the vagabond Red Jello Coalition, Israel Harris announced the formation of an alternative Jello, Purple. Calling themselves the "Purple Jell-O Movement Of STF," Harris and his followers immediately issued a manifesto stating their principles, namely: The removal of Blue Jello as the official Jello of STF; a return to the trademark spelling of "Jell-O" as opposed to the now-STF-standard "Jello"; peace and love in all STF-related activities, boards, and chats; and the insistance that Paramount pour Jello (Jell-O) down the pants of "The Traveler" from TNG. Despite his initially open and peaceful advances, Harris was quickly arrested by the Boys in Blue Jello and sentenced to three years of eating hard Jello pudding. So far, there has been no reaction from former Jello threats Brown Hankey-Poo Jello or Black Jello. Mark Wilson's Red Jello Coalition has announced its intention to rejoin the battle, although there is no word yet on their strategies or cola preferences. MicroNews by Peter Peterson, SNN Janitor |
|
|
|
| F
E A T U R E S & C
|
PERSONALITY FOCUS ™
Jeremy Friedman, hammered nut By Larry Garfield, SNN People Person EVANSTON, ILLINOIS -- Jeremy Friedman first joined STF in July 1998, at the drafting of RL friend Larry Garfield. His first character, on the USS Futura, jumped ship for the USS Alliance, Larry's command. Since then he has expanded to an amazing 4 characters, including CE Andriss Mardall on the Alliance, COS Alcon Truaz of the Kestrel, Counselor Tlaxkala Kuornan of the super-fast Titania, and Sranek Olentok, XO of the Andorian. During the recent AWOL of Andorian CO Randy McCullick, Jeremy served as aCO of the dreadnought, breathing life back into its departments after the CO's disappearance. B.J. Phillips has replaced him in the wake of Edict #24. Jeremy is also one of only three current Andorians on STF now, all of them on the Alliance presently, as well as the only resident Argellian ("Wolf in the Fold," TOS). Jeremy, 12, lives in Evanston, Illinois with his mother and sister Angela. A member of the elite "Evanston Crowd," Jeremy was drafted in STF by RL friends Larry Garfield and Emily Murray (both of whom serve with him on the Alliance). He is an aspiring virtuoso of the hammered dulcimer (a stringed instrument that you hit with small hammers to play) and likes to read just about anything, especially Magic cards. He is also one of a growing number of STFers who are even bigger diehard fans of Babylon 5 than Star Trek. He is still inquiring about the possibility of a B5 addon to STF, so far to little success. Jeremy's proudest accomplishment, however, is that fact that he has never worn jeans (e.g. Levi's, etc.) in his life. THIS MONTH IN STF HISTORY January brings new and old By Mike Ballway, STF "Quasi-Official" Historian STF ARCHIVES, MEMORY PRIME -- January, the start of a new year, is an obvious point in time for comings and goings. One STF member tested this theory twice, leaving the club in January 1996, rejoining later that year, and then leaving again in January 1997. At the time of her 1996 resignation, Rebecca Juarez was joint FComm of Fleets 1 and 2. Only a few weeks after her 1997 departure, though, Becca rejoined on a borrowed Prodigy ID, and was appointed by President Hertzsch to GMDir, a position she held until really resigning in November 1997. But elsewhere in STF history, even more changes were transpiring that have shaped the STF of today. . . . AYE ON THE COMPETITION Unholy alliance in news revolution By Michael J. Ballway, SNN Executive Editor CLEVELAND HEIGHTS, OHIO -- While STF was still reeling from Aye on the WeBB #7, and SNN Associate Editor Larry Garfield's reaction thereto, and AOTW publisher Seamus Hughes' resignation (or was it?) from STF, FComm-6 Colin Wyers teamed up with ex-Veep Owen Townes and ex-Aye writer Bob Spurlin to fill the vacuum. The result: a strangely readable journal ominously named "IveSTFiya," offering, as they put it, "propoganda the way propoganda was meant to be." The name IveSTFiya is a tip of the hat to the Soviet party-line-toeing state magazine, "Ivestiya," and the presence of Owen Townes on the staff list adds a bit more communist mystique to a publication than we here at SNN would tolerate [of course, we do put up with that collaborator Larry --Ed.]. Of course, with Colin Wyers -- STF's most outspoken arch-Republican -- leading as "Evil Editor-in-Chief," one wonders if IveSTFiya, despite its name, would approach STF politics from a Reaganesque, rather than Marxist, perspective. The current issue of IveSTFiya contains, surprisingly given its name, few iron-fisted untruths at all, and is biased neither toward leftist nor rightist thought. Instead, IveSTFiya offers two news stories about STF Command, one fake news story, one soft news story, a song, and a news-in-brief section. The headline story, a short summarization of recent events in the OOC and on IRC, was better than any Aye on the WeBB writing in the last few issues. The other somewhat-serious news story, an ED piece by former EDir Owen Townes, drove home well his point about the bickering and inattention that until recently was prevalent in the Engineering Department. The song, a parody of Everclear's "Father of Mine" focusing on Capt. Seamus Hughes [boy, does his name appear a lot in print around here --Ed.], was likewise novel and even borderline interesting. The other two news stories were more questionable. Owen Townes' in-depth look at how Andy Zbikowsky parties, controlled substance references included, was eminently pointless and seemed to draw lineage from the twisted human interest stories of AOTW, yet with an "R" rating supplanting Seamus' usual "PG." Bob Spurlin's irreverant retrospective and prescription on the sex life of President Mike Bourdaa was funnier than Townes' article, but seems to disqualify IveSTFiya as anything other than a slightly more adult Aye on the WeBB follower. "Heard it from the Modem Line," Editor Wyers' third contribution to this latest WeBBpaper, is the most informative and serious article, consistently better written and (although this is hardly the litmus test of accuracy) better researched than Aye's "Headlines." In the final analysis, yes, STF, you can get ready for another serious contender in the STF newspaper race. While some may dismiss IveSTFiya as the drunken ramblings of a politically disparate group of AOTW-worshippers who've lost their god, there's serious potential in it. With two of the biggest marquee names in STF and a rising star in Bob Spurlin, IveSTFiya definitely has the coverage to beef up its news department, even if it apparently lacks the restraint to fine-tune its humor or put more thought into its articles. But don't be surprised if it does improve steadily over time. Although it could fail to publish again, or it could fail to better itself and could continually publish an inferior product, quite frankly, I didn't get to be Executive Editor of SNN for believing in stories like that. |
| WEBBsights#19
“Hands off, Colin! We were here first!” WeBBsights welcomes any and all comments and criticisms from its readers -- yes, both of you. Direct any messages to the Editors. * * * Vice-Fleet Admiral Michael J. Ballway, Executive Editor Fleet Captain Laurence O. Garfield, Associate Editor Fleet Captain Deanne Morgan, Fleet Correspondent Captain Mark Wilson, Contributing Columnist Comrade Owen Townes, Communist Columnist * * * © 1998 Zygweebil Mufasa Productions -- distributed by the Starfleet News Network. The WeBBsights management will not be held responsible if you marry your fellow officers. No truth was used in the making of this newspaper. |
|