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Election Season opens,
hunting licenses now available
Seamus Hughes appointed EC
By Larry Garfield, Who Didn't Want the
Job
STF HQ, SAN FRANCISCO -- While STF President Mike
Bourdaa's 25th Edict sparked controversy, his 26th sparked fear.
In what he defined as his last major act as President, Bourdaa appointed
Seamus Hughes as Election Coordinator of the February 1999 STF Elections.
SNN has learned that Hughes was the only applicant for the position.
Nonetheless, there has been a significant backlash against Bourdaa by the
Office of Proper Election Coordinators (OPEC), claiming that Hughes was
given the assignment only because he was Bourdaa's son. Bourdaa has
denied the allegations, stating that he loves Hughes as much as his other
children and would never have foisted the job on him out of spite or malice.
OPEC disagrees, and has begun to withhold electrons necessary for the continuing
functioning of the WeBB. According to a statement released by OPEC
spokesman Namsekops Toidi of Pakled University, "Hughes is not enough to
make the voter turnout strong. We need a Coordinator who can make
the turnout strong. Can you help make the voter turnout strong?"
In other news, Bourdaa listed the rules of this election, which, in keeping
with his Edict #2, stated that a candidate must be nominated by two other
members and accept the nomination within the first week of February.
February Elections Season will extend slightly into March so that it takes
30 days, just as it would any other month. All nominations must be
made in Command Area | Starfleet Command | STF Elect-A-Prez. After
he stopped laughing at Bourdaa, Hughes announced that nominations could
begin on 1 February.
Three tickets out of the gate
already
By Larry Garfield, Who is Not Running,
Just Laughing
STF HQ, SAN FRANCISCO -- Within a few hours of
the opening of Election Season, numerous people began to apply for campaigning
licenses. Bob Spurlin was the first to be nominated by Steve Ashton
and then seconded by Deanne Morgan. Spurlin accepted the nomination
and announced that Colin Wyers was to be his running mate. Spurlin/Wyers
announced the opening of their Web
Site as well as a Campaign HQ in Starfleet Command | Spurlin=/\=Wyers
Campaign HQ. Spurlin also issued his first two press releases, which
were posted to his campaign HQ instead of to the Press, much to the annoyance
of SNN Lackey Peter Peterson. The second potential candidate to be
nominated was Mark Longanbach. Samuel Moritz gave the first nomination.
Bill Gunty seconded the nomination, but was initially rejected by EC Seamus
Hughes because Longanbach had stated that he wanted to take Gunty as his
running mate. President Bourdaa stepped in at this point and clarified
his Edict #2, stating that the reason for having two nominations was to
avoid the instance of the VP nominating the Prez. Hughes bowed to
his father's wisdom, and Bourdaa formalized the statement with Edict #29.
Longanbach/Gunty was then admitted to the race, although they have not
as of yet announced a web site or HQ Topic. Greg Hertzsch was the
last candidate to be recognized, nominated first by Jim Armstrong and seconded
by Brandon Goodin. Hertzsch announced that Alan Felts was to be his
second hand, and pointed his supporters towards his Web
Site and Campaign HQ as well, in Starfleet Command | Hertzsch=/\=Felts
Campaign Headquarters. Look to WeBBsights and SNN for extensive election
coverage in our February 14 Valentines Day/Election Special.
AO sponsors ask that it remain
impartial
SNN CENTER, CHICAGO -- Mike Ballway and Larry
Garfield, the two sponsors of the AO, have asked that all candidates refrain
from referring to to AO and its content during the campaigns. In
a note posted 2 February in the Elect-A-Prez Topic, they asked that all
candidates refrain from linking to the AO, discussing the contents of the
AO, and using the AO as an issue to separate themselves from each other.
Of course, they can still argue about whatever issues they want, just not
refer to the content of the AO. SNN, as the obvious co-sponsor of
the AO, agrees with this request.
SNN and WeBBsights will not be formally endorsing any candidate.
However, employees of SNN and their families are free to engage in politics
and endorse whatever candidates they choose. |
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RIP STF*P
By Larry Garfield, Who Never Did Get His
Computer To Work With Prodigy
WWW.PRODIGY.COM -- STF has spent its entire history
with a presence on the Prodigy Online Service, and the vast majority of
its history with only a Prodigy Branch. In October of this year,
however, that will end. On 25 January Prodigy announced that it's
Classic service, the service that offers proprietary content including
the Bulletin Boards which house STF's Prodigy Branch, was not Y2K compatible.
Instead of spending the money to rewrite the already little-used software
Prodigy stated that sometime in October it would discontinue the Classic
service, and with it any home for STF on Prodigy. The STF leadership
had already acknowledged the short life span of Prodigy's service and had
begun to discuss mergers with other clubs and the possible migration of
STF1 to the WeBB, but the announcement still came as a shock. Plans
to migrate STF1 to the WeBB have been stepped up, and it is likely that
STF1 will bring with it the small Prodigy RPG club known as AT, which will
be commissioned as a new ship in STF1 with a highly ranked command crew.
The largest Prodigy Star Trek RPG club, SFOL, is rumored to be starting
up a new ISP which will offer a proprietary BBS RPG environment based on
UNIX, and will be taking with them the moderately sized GAMM. The
WeBB will become the future and only home of STF between now and the next
Presidential Elections, as STF*P slowly fades into the sunset.
STF tribble chooses food over
shadow
By Larry Garfield, SNN Tribble Editor
DEEP SPACE STATION K7 -- Earlier today the Official
Tribble of STF was observed leaving his storage compartment on Deep Space
Station K7. Eyewitness reports indicate that the tribble was being
followed by a dark spot on the deck plate, his shadow. However, his
urge to eat overcame his fear, and he raced away from the storage compartment
towards the nearest supply of quatrotrinticalie. Scientists are baffled
at this turn of events. Supposedly, if the tribble sees his shadow
he is supposed to return to his storage compartment and STF has another
six weeks of slow posting, whereas if he does not see his shadow posting
is expected to pick up. "This unprecedented set of circumstances
have caused chaos throughout Fleet Six," Dr. Arn Darvin of the Bureau of
Advanced Research of Interspecies Superstitions (BARIS) told WeBBsights.
The Nameless Ensigns' Weekly Standard reported earlier today that
posting was erratic on the USS Futura in Fleet Six, with Captain
Seamus Hughes missing several rounds of posts while the rest of the ship
remained active. If the tribble's actions have begun to affect ships
in Fleet Six, it is only a matter of time before other ships are affected
as well. Stay tuned to SNN for the latest developments.
Edict #25 invites controversy,
Edict #27
By Larry Garfield, SNN Confusion Editor
STF HQ, SAN FRANCISCO -- For a long time there
has been an unwritten rule regarding STFers having two characters on the
same ship. The only problem was that since it was unwritten, no one
could remember what it was. This confusion came to an end on 13 January
when STF President Mike Bourdaa issued his Edict #25, stating that members
could hold multiple rostered characters on the same ship, provided the
CO and FComm would permit it, unless it was a joke or mascot character
in which case they didn't, unless it was a recurring NE in which case they
did need to ask the CO and FComm. Or something. Needless to
say, the insuing debate included more manifestos than a Karl Marx Fan Club
convention. Bob Spurlin spoke up in defense of the Edict, stating
that it gave COs the flexibility they needed to get into relationships
they would not be able to otherwise. Larry Garfield countered by
pointing out first the poor wording of the Edict which left far too much
room for confusion and second the fact that it gave too much power to someone
who held multiple characters. Mike Ballway seconded the second point,
although qualified it by saying that Mascots and joke characters were permissible,
a stance Garfield later agreed with. Colin Wyers replied by listing
instances in which he was forced to use a rostered 2nd character when his
entire engineering department vanished off the face of the WeBB during
a warp core breach. Garfield and later Deanne Morgan pointed out
that that was the reason Nameless Ensigns were invented. In response,
on 1 February Mike rewrote the rules with Edict #27, which repealed Edict
#25 and issued a more legible setup. In essence, it said that the
CO could allow any 2nd character on the ship if he felt it was reasonable.
If the CO says no, there is no recourse, and if the FComm later says no,
the character is removed. So far there have been no moves to impeach
President Bourdaa on trumped up sex-related charges.
Nathan Miller forced to cut
back, again
By Larry Garfield, Who Will Likely Be
Replacing Nate on the Monty Again
STF HQ, SAN FRANCISCO -- In response to an increased
class load at school and pressure to actually graduate from high school,
Captain Nathan Miller announced on 2 February that he was resigning from
his positions as Fleet Commander of Fleet Five, CO of the USS Titania
(the "fast ship"), GM of the USS Seraph, and Assistant Engineering Director.
He also requested a LOA from all his COs. Miller endorsed Jeremy
Friedman for the position of Titania CO and AFComm-5 Deanne Morgan
to replace him as FComm. STF President Mike Bourdaa, who has been
getting an awful lot of ink this issue [Ink? This is an electronic
newspaper. Does that mean he's getting an awful lot of electrons?
--Ed.], responded with Edict #28, which took both of Miller's suggestions
and appointed Friedman CO of the Titania and Deanne FComm-5.
He pointed out, however, that FComm is a Cabinet post and therefore subject
to the whims of the next President. Friedman, who now takes what
is quite possibly the most demanding CO slot in STF, could only say "I
just feel really bad that he's leavin' y'know?" shortly before passing
out in surprise. EDir Larry Garfield is currently debating new AEDir
candidates as well as EA candidates, based largely upon Miller's suggestions.
Color Kittens invade OOC
By Larry Garfield, Mmmm... Jello
OOC ZONE, RISA -- The latest entry into the Jello
Wars came recently in the form of Purple Jello partisan Israel Harris,
who as recently reported declared the Blue Jello Coalition to be a despotic,
imperial, group of not-nice-guys who brainwashed all of STF into eating
nothing but Blue Jello. Despite protests by Blue Jello bureaucrat
Mike Ballway that the closest Blue Jello ever came to such despotism was
calling in their allies in the Church of Sisko during the Jello IRC Conflict,
Harris declared war on Blue's supposed tyranny by declaring that all STFers
should be allowed to eat any Jello they choose unless it was Blue.
If it was Blue, he claimed, then it was only due to brainwashing at the
hands of the Blue Tyranny, and once Harris did his impression of Spock's
brother they would turn to Purple Partisans. Once Red Jello Grand
Poobah Mark Wilson entered the fray and it was discovered that Blue and
Red make Purple, the argument turned to the nature of the color wheel.
Harris argued that water colors made the best model for classifying Jellos,
while Colin Wyers gave a snoring, er, stirring lecture on the CMYK and
RGB systems used by computers. All this was punctuated by Blue Jello
Public Relations Director Larry Garfield signing off all his messages with
Blue Jello commercials.
The 5th Jello
By Larry Garfield, Who Remembers That
the Diva Was Blue Skinned
EGYPT, COLUMBIA STUDIOS -- All was going well
until Harris began to get melodramatic. His newly imagined Purple
Fleet set off under his command to find a new home while Harris himself
was taken ill by the Lady in Yellow, who later led Purple to discover a
fabric color wheel of stars deep within a nebula. Meanwhile, new
STFer Ari Herbstman, seeing the chaos wraught by Jello, took the worst
of each and resurrected Black Jello, under the guise of chaos itself.
Chaos, of course, came in the form of black spheres which flew through
space and tore through planets and any one who happened to be on them.
Harris attempted to defend himself by joining forces with Herbstman's black
spheres, only to be rained on. Blue Jello Partisan Larry Garfield
countered with conclusive proof that not dogs by anti-Jello umbrellas were
indeed man's best friend. As was the Blue Air Force who obliterated
the mountain top Herbstman was standing on. Former Black Jello Leader
Owen Townes has not been heard from, and he is assumed eaten by one of
the spheres. The chaos came to an end with the definitive post by
Genesun Han, in which an archeologist was digging in Egypt when he found
a temple to the Four Jellos -- Red, Yellow, Green, and Purple -- and evidence
of the existence of a Fifth Jello, perfection. His studies were interrupted,
however, when the key to the perfect Jello was taken from the temple in
order to battle the chaos that was coming by Mike Ballway, who promised
to return it in time for supper.
EDir rewrites the rule book
By Larry Garfield, SNN Engineering Editor
ENGINEERING DEPARTMENT, NOVSIBIRSK, RUSSIA --
In an effort to bring order to the ED after Owen Townes' open acceptance
of all designs and Randy McCullick's come-and-go problems, EDir Larry Garfield
recently announced a drastic change to the ED. Garfield recently
authored the new Engineering
Class at Starfleet
Academy, and included in it a lesson on ship design. On 1 February
Garfield announced that the EA staff and ship designers were required to
take (and pass, hopefully) the course. Garfield stated that the reason
for this unprecedented action was to insure that the ED was staffed by
the best engineers and and that all designers were on the same page.
He also stated that although it was not necessary, he had already received
approval from STF President Mike Bourdaa and Academy Commandant Jim Armstrong.
In important but unrelated news, Nathan Miller resigned as AEDir due to
RL constraints and Dockmaster Jason Becker has taken a LOA. Garfield
is currently interviewing possible new ED staffers.
MicroNews
By Peter Peterson, SNN Election Miscoordinator
SNN CENTER, CHICAGO
WeBBsights gets overhaul: In response
to the recent color fighting in OOC, WeBBsights has revamped its format
to include all major colors. Nevertheless, SNN stands behind its
endorsement of Blue Jello.
Jennifer Schubert: Jenny, you said
you wanted to see more of yourself. Here you are.
Bourdaa looks to replace DAL.net: In
response to the growing lag time on DAL.net, the IRC network that hosts
the #Star-Fleet chat room, STF President Mike Bourdaa has begun looking
for a new network. His current recommendation is Starchat.net, which
is smaller than DAL.net but has a series of servers and a web
site with Java client. No decision has been made.
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PERSONALITY
FOCUS ™
Stuart Coll, Irish fugitive
By Larry Garfield, Who has way too much
time on his hands
BARCELONA, SPAIN -- Stuart Coll first joined STF
in August 1998 while hunting for a new RPG club to join. He stumbled
across STF in an Internet Search and found it to be the "least complicated"
of
all the available clubs. Most others, he claims, required him to
fill out an interview form, resume, and include a letter from his third
grade teacher and a picture of him in a zebra costume. STF, meanwhile,
did not require the interview and resume until he was found by the WeBBsights
investigative teams, and zebra costumes are only required for Captains
and above. Since then he has taken up residence on the USS Columbus
as Lt Stuart Coll, on the USS Montgomery as Lt. (j.g.) Nicholas
Drake, and on Crell as Bobcat Tennessee.
Stuart, 30, was born in Dublin, Ireland but moved to Barcelona, Spain
where he currently teaches English. When he isn't "going out on the
tear" as he puts it (indulging in alcohol and the company of friends for
those of you under drinking age in your countries), he enjoys taking walks
in the city and swimming. He claims he is always finding new things
to enjoy in STF, despite the fact that all of jokes are running gags.
As advice to the rest of STF, he offers the simple words "Post well and
post often."
COMMENTARY
Back in the day
by Lance Eddington, Replacing That Awful
Mark Wilson
MENTOR, OHIO -- RPGing is not just for those who
own fancy computers and analytical engines. Why, I can remember a
time and place when RPGing was done before the internet. Yes, yes,
it's all coming back to me now...
The year was 1896. I was working as a courier on the Pony Express
line when I received a telegram from Maddog Hertzsch, marshall of Star-Fleet,
the rootinest, tootinest RPG in the West. Back then, there was no instant
messaging or a WeBB bulletin board. We sent mail back and forth,
sometimes to and fro. It took weeks for a single post to reach its
destination, and when a GM nullified a post, all hell would break loose!
I can remember one time when Doc Wyers caused the SS Monitor
to break into quarters! The entire crew mutinied against him, and
they really couldn't see how an iron-clad ship could break into pieces.
He was promoted to Secretary of Gaming that year, and we suspected bribery.
On another occasion, Wyatt Morgan caused the cook on the SS Coronation
to attack Captain J.R. Ewing. It was funny, but Ewing didn't realize
what happened until weeks later. Ah, Wyatt Morgan. She was
the Secretary of Gaming before ol' Doc Wyers came into town. Later,
Doc Wyers would go on to become a member of the Bull Moose Party, along
with Black Ballway. They helped Teddy Roosevelt and Bill Taft run
for president. He won both times, and I think it was due to their
help.
There was a place, way out in the sticks, where some RPGing went on.
There were only a dozen people, but I was there too. So were Wyatt
Morgan and Black Ballway. They manned the SS Vicariousness
with a fervor I hadn't seen since aught-four, which brings me to my next
point: RPGing isn't the same as it was back then. There tweren't
no fancy phasers, we had six-shooters, and if we were lucky, the Colt Peacemaker
kept strange lookin' folk at bay. Ah, those were the good ol' days.
We had some of the same stuff that folks today do, too. Elijah Garfield
was hard at work publishing "The Star-Fleet Press," the ricketiest old
periodical I ever did see. It was good readin' though, and we liked
it.
That about wraps up my mem'ries of RPGing as it were in the olden days.
I don't remember much 'bout anything after that, prob'y 'cause I were elected
marshall of Star-Fleet. I recall doin' a lot of gunslingin' then,
sometimes just fer fun! Doctor says I shouldn't reminisce too much,
my unhappy mem'ries might come back...like when I were marshall...
AYE ON THE COMPETITION
What competition?
By Michael J. Ballway, SNN Executive Editor
CLEVELAND HEIGHTS, OHIO -- Mike Ballway was unable
to participate this issue due to RL time constraints. However, it
doesn't really matter because there is no more competition. Aye on
the WeBB has been canceled and IveSTFya has yet to publish a second issue.
That makes this column obsolete. Expect to see more wisdom coming
from our dear Executive Editor in some form or another in our next
issue. |