"Can't we all just . . . be nicer to each other?" he said while adding more urinal cakes to the men's restroom on the 14th floor of the SNN building. "STF should be a place about fun and cleanliness, not war. That's why I'm here, in the custodial engineer's position. I don't like to get involved with STF or SNN politics. How's Cathcart these days?"

As he scrubs decaying lettuce off the floor of the cafeteria here, Mr. Han makes an excellent point. He wonders why STF can't go to a system of government where there is more control. "There should be a President, maybe even a cabinet that checks the President and acts as his advisor. But I guess there's no room in this crazy, mixed-up world for a little order. How's Barclay these days?"

To say that Mr. Han is out of touch is to say that SNN is a serious news organization - both statements are unbelievable jokes [hey, speak for your own newsletter! --Ed.]. Nonetheless, we humored Mr. Han some more, asked him more questions, dropped candy wrappers on the floor he had just swept. In between wondering how the wrappers got there and picking them up, he came up with some more excellent arguments for the Fleet War.

"This Crag War has been going on too long. Why can't Fleet 4 just wrap it up?"

"Actually, this is a war between Fleets 5 and 6. Possibly 1."

"Fleet 6? Fleet 5? Fleet 1? What is that scoundrel Holland up to? Looks like he invented 'Fleet 5' and 'Fleet 6' to prop up his own ego!"

And so, we leave Solo Han scrubbing toilets, picking up garbage, and doing everything else that he has done for the past four years at the SNN building. He lives oblivious to the world around him, subsisting on Wheel of Fortune. This column was supposed to be about the Fleet 5/6 conflict. But I guess there's not enough room in this crazy, mixed-up world for a poor, confused old man and his urinal.
 

STF elects a president every eight months, who runs STF as, hopefully, an enlightened despot. He appoints a Cabinet of advisors who run the various departments and fleets. The Cabinet members are often, especially in the case of FComms, the same as the cabinet members of the previous administration, because they know the territory and are, most of the time, doing a good job with it. This group of people runs STF, with the President acting as an overseer for the Cabinet.

By nature, people who end up in the Cabinet and do their jobs well will likely stay there for a long time. A sucessful Cabinet member will not only become an experienced Director or FComm, but will also become an advisor for others about that branch of the club. PDir Greg Hertzsch, for example, has been PDir for a long time, and many people have grown to respect his opinion on personnel matters. The same goes for Mike Bourdaa about Fleet and web page matters, Larry Garfield for Fleet and political matters, and Mike Ballway for historical precedent and Jello. All of these people have worked together for a long time, respect -- although not always agree with -- each other's opinions, and for the most part feel comfortable working with each other. They will, therefore, be chosen to remain in the administrative postions which they hold and run well, and will continue to rely on each other and have others rely on them for their opinions. That is the "Good Ole Boys Network."

And is there a problem with that? Of course not. If a CO has a problem, to whom does he go? Someone he trusts with such matters, such as his FComm. An FComm who got the position because someone in Command thought she was qualified and felt comfortable working with her. When the members of the government feel comfortable working with each other, things run more smoothly and club-shattering conflicts, such as the Spurlin-Morgan Crisis or the IRC Crisis, are less likely to occur. As we have seen, the effects of such crises are detrimental to the entire club. By ensuring that government members are able to work closely with each other, such instances are minimized. The current system also allows for rapid response to critical issues. If a GM needs replacement on an emergency basis, the CO goes to the GMDir, who can quickly find a new GM for the ship.

The GOBN has been accused of promoting people on the basis of friendship rather than skill. The key here is to recognize that the two are not mutually exclusive. When a new CO position opens up, the President should and often asks the FComm of the Fleet in question his opinion. The FComm, as well as other members of the Cabinet, will recommend someone for the position, because he feels the person would be good for the job. Of course, the FComm can't have complete knowledge of everyone in STF, so he can only speak about those he knows; the people he serves with and the people he talks to OOC, his friends. More often than not, these are the same people. So are friends of the FComm considered over non-friends? Yes, because the FComm doesn't know anything about people he doesn't have regular contact with, so he can't recommend them. Sometimes, the FComm will defer to someone else's recommendation for a CO. That someone else is also recommending on the basis of whom he knows. That is how any organization works, of any size or nature.

STF's Good Ole Boys Network -- so called by tradition despite the fact that it is not a males-only institution -- is the way the government is designed to work. And it has worked, as seen by history. Promising people are noticed by the member of the government who is in the most contact with them, and are promoted as needed. Those in command work well with each other because they feel comfortable with each other and are on a first name basis. They are experienced members who have been ensigns, DHs, and captains. They have been on both sides of the desk, so to speak, so they are in a better position to see the big picture and to be able to percieve the interests of STF as a whole. While it is true that in some cases they don't, someone with multiple characters who has served in multiple positions and has worked with previous leaders is far more likely to be able to see the big picture than someone who has only worked in the lower ranks, has not had the experience of AWOLing someone, and doesn't know how the club fits together.

The club Elders are called that because they are the Elders; experienced, educated leaders who can say "Been there, done that, have the T-shirt" when they give advise to younger members about the issue of the day. That is the Good Ole Boys Network. And that is why STF works.