[snip]

Name of Technology: Flea’tan Alliance Jump Relay Core
Category of Technology: Power/Propulsion System

Description of Technology

The Flea’tan Alliance Jump Relay Core,

Unnecessary comma.

==Noted

is the primary power source found within Flea’tan Alliance ships, and as

is (?)

==Noted

a secondary power source in some Federation ships. Primarily the only class ship provided with this technology is the Mythology class Deep Space Explorers.

Maybe it should say “Initially, the only Federation vessel provided with this technology was” etc., given the possibility of its inclusion in future ship designs.

==Noted

The Jump Core has two functions, the first is to interface with the Flea’tan Alliance Jump Relay Network located along the galactic border regions near Foremost, Merdian and Black fleet’s areas of operation.

Comma splice here, and “Fleets’” instead of “fleet’s“.

== Noted, also I noted Meridian is misspelled which you too missed :D

When approaching such relays the ship communicates with the relay and accesses connected network systems. The core spins up emitting a phased Tachyon pulse from the core and specialized sensor emitters on the hull of the ship.

The second sentence is awkwardly worded. Consider this, and let me know if I properly understood your meaning. “The activation process involves a rapid core rotation which causes the core to emit a phased tachyon pulse. Specialized sensor pallets on the surface of the ship emit correlating tachyon pulses.”

== This sounds better, noted

Once this occurs the ship’s navigator chooses the destination system and the relay then emits a trio of tractor emitters with envelope the connected ship, while opening a subspace tunnel ahead of the relay.

== Changed

“which envelop”. Also, this could probably be multiple systems.

== Noted

This ship is then ‘sling shot’ into the subspace tunnel to the destination system.

Why not just say “the relay then propels the vessel into the subspace tunnel to the destination system”? You avoid lay terms, at any rate.

== Sounds better then what I had so I’ll change it

[snip]

Energy based weapons, such as phasers, disruptors, lasers, plasma, quantum, and tricobalt torpedoes, etc can not operate within the subspace relay tunnel. Photon torpedoes though and similar weapons can operate normally.

Why use the general term for energy-based weapons but not for projectile-based weapons?

== Bad writing mainly? I’ll change it

Energy shielding of any known types can also operate normally within the subspace relay tunnel.

The second function of the Jump Relay Core is as a conventional warp drive system. Power output though by the Alliance created Raderium crystals is far lower than a Dilthium powered warp core.

Qualifiers feel unnecessary here. The words “though” and “far” should be eliminated.

== Noted

A Relay Core is similar to but not as equal to a Federation class V Warp core system. It has a maximum output of 1,000 Cochranes, a standard cruising speed of warp 5 for up to a month, a maximum sustainable speed of warp 6.8 for up to 2 weeks, a maximum velocity speed for 10 hours until fuel exhaustion of warp 7.6, and an emergency speed of for 30 minutes until fuel exhaustion of warp 8.0.

Is the core still a M/ARA reaction? As such, why would fuel exhaustion be an issue? Perhaps it should be “crystal fracture”.

== Good point, no its not a reaction like M/ARA so I like your choice of words better

When not operating as a conventional warp mode of travel the core can provide as an emergency power source for up to 5-7 days depending on ship demands until fuel exhaustion.

Once again, probably “crystal fracture” instead of “fuel exhaustion” here unless it’s not a M/ARA core.

== Noted

When used in conjunction with the Flea’tan Jump Relay the Raderium crystals have a life expectancy of almost 5 years, as the Relay recharges their crystal structure. However, when used in more conventional means their fuel expectancy is more finite generally lasting up to a month depending on the demands placed on the core.

Once again, the term should probably be “crystal fracture” instead of “fuel exhaustion”.

== Noted

Created by: Robert Archer

[snip]

Thanks for giving the club a better explanation for the Trek version of technology shown in Mass Effect, Rob!

== No problem Nick! :P

Capt. Nicholas Villarreal, EDir

All answered, corrected and resubmitted!

Robert Archer