Questions for the Candidates - I'm a ... not a cat

Posted March 6, 2021, 4:55 p.m. by Russell Watt

Good morning from beautiful Aussie land,

I refer to the I’m a lawyer not a cat zoom meeting that hit international news channels and social media platforms such as Youtube earlier this year, for reference: if you are unaware of it, or need a refresher. I have a series of questions. Please keep answers to each one no more than 30 words … I don’t want to read essays, thanks :)

1) To all candidates: You’ve turned up to an important STF meeting with your colleagues in cabinet and you’ve decided to do it via zoom. So there is no confusion, those of you with animal nicknames have had an avatar of your animal appear on the screen instead of your human self and those of you without an animal nickname has a highly stylized stick figure of a person. Unfortunately, your ‘assistant’ has been on your zoom account has have changed your avatar to that of a cat. Without changing the avatar to either your animal avatar or your stylized stick figure, how would you prove to your fellow that you are your fine animal self (and yes, technically humans are animals too) and not in fact a member of the genus Felis?

2) To all tickets: Given the confusion created by the lawyer in the above Youtube Clip, I was shocked to discover that there is no requirement on the joining form for someone to indicate that they are indeed a human and not some other member of one of the current 7 kingdoms recognised in taxonomy. Also, many many years ago, I was Personnel Director, on at least one occasion, an individual claiming to be an alien wanted to join the club. Is your ticket concerned that cats and other species of the animalia kingdom, or indeed the other kingdoms of bacteria, archaea, protoa, chromista, plantae or fungi (Cavalier-Smith et al, 2015) and/or extra-terrestrials may be posing as humans and attempt to join our fine club?
2a) If so, what will you do to safeguard our club against such an occurrence?
2b) If not, why not?
2c) If it depends, what does it depend on?

3) To Mr Lerner: Given that the judge could not in fact see that the lawyer was indeed the lawyer his cat persona claimed himself to be, was he actually being truthful when he claimed in response to that ‘lawyer’ saying I’m a lawyer not cat “I cam see that”? Please explain your answer.

4) To Ms Ward: Are you at all concerned that real live aliens may be trying to join the club, but they don’t identify themselves as such? Why/why not? Please explain your answer.

Thank you all very much in anticipation of your thoughtful (and brief) answers to my most important questions above.

Russell Watt, Tribble
Public Nuisance of STF since … well years ago

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