STF

Zoo Ceremony - AJ Paulson

Posted Jan. 16, 2022, 10 a.m. by Robert Archer

Once more the mysterious STF Zoo welcomes everyone into its fold for a grand meeting! On the stage the tiny CockRoach scuttles up on stage and is enhanced by a giant magnifying glass, which thankfully does not reflect any sunlight overhead. Tapping the microphone he begins, “..Greetings once more loyal members of STF and most importantly the crazy animals of STF’s Zoo! We are all gathered here today to induct a new member of the Captain’s rank club to our hallowed halls within this zoo! Now normally we among the Zoo have a grandiose story, and action sequence or something of changing the prospective member from a boring human into our far superior animal forms! But because I’m not good at that sacred ritual being so tiny and without opposable thumbs we will be using a still time honored process called ‘The Animal Shake & Bake’!” The Roach explained while dancing around the head of the microphone for emphasis.

”..Now what is this ‘Shake & Bake’? You might ask. Well glad you asked! Instead of a lengthy explanation how about I just show you all! May the special ingredient of honor be brought up to the stage!” The Roach declared pulling a string nearby to raise a large curtain to uncover an even larger oven already preheated to 450 degrees Fahrenheit. Next to it was a massive prep-table with assorted tools and ingredients.

Prodded by the Rhino and a small tribble armed with tapped on ‘arms’ of a metal spear. Said ingredient of honor aka AJ Paulson came up onto the stage dressed in the sacred ceremonial garb of a a flowing white t-shirt and bright white jeans. The poor AJ was then tossed up onto the prep table where the Roach was then wheeled over by the man arms of the Kelpie. “…Now in preparing our ingredient of honor here, we need to first make sure they are seasoned properly!” The Roach explained now suddenly and without explanation dressed in a tiny white chef hat with cute chef apron and booties. “..A little salt, some pepper, and the most important ingredient, dried ghost pepper flakes!” he said liberally shaking the spices onto AJ.

After the sneezing fest quieted, the Roach wheeled about dredged AJ in a liberal coating of whisked up eggs in a human shaped bowl. “..Of course what shake and bake is complete without the sacred egg wash dredging like so!” he said slathering AJ in whisked up eggs. “..After that of course its back to more seasonings, with garlic and onion powder, a bit of smoked paprika, and a tiny smidge of mint!” He said throwing more of said seasoning onto the eggy tripping AJ. “..Then onto the dusting of panko bread crumbs seasoned with a little brown sugar.” He added ceremoniously tossing AJ into a massive bowl of dried bread crumbs till he was thoroughly coated. “..Lastly we pat the primary ingredient down to make sure all those seasonings and crumbs are absorbed. Then its onto the sheet tray and into the oven we go at 450 degrees Fahrenheit for 20-30 minutes until hot, crispy and golden brown.” He said assisted by the Giraffe to shove the breaded up AJ and pan into the massive oven.

”..Now we let things mix and bake. Oh but forgive me I did all the baking part but hardly any shaking! Miss Kelpie would you please help me out there?” The Roach directed having the many armed Kelpie lift up the oven and given it a through shaking to and fro! After 25 minutes of this the oven suddenly began to shake and tremble. “..Ah and here we go the final moment of truth of the sacred ‘Shake & Bake’ Animal Ceremony!” he declared.

Suddenly the oven exploded out of the grasp of the Kelpie and out sprung AJ’s new form in the shape of..... https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/forgottenrealms/images/e/e8/Wyvern.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/350?cb=20210501033500 a tiny baby wyvern!

”..Ah yes a majestic baby Wyvern! Appropriate for our young AJ, well then, may I present our newest member to the STF Zoo Captain Wyvern!..” The Roach said.

After the cheers died down, the Roach came back up to the Microphone. “..Now then that’s all the time we have today for Roach In The Kitchen Podcast! Tune in sometime later this month when I present the many health benefits of an all bacon grease diet! Now the clean up duty shall be regulated to you XO ranked players cheers!” the Roach said heading back off the stage to the Presidential Office.

CockRoach


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