Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Sharah Fayth (Chief Science Officer) in side sim - xi’Indrai’s Office - Starting Over

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Dinui xi’Indrai (Chief Counseling Officer) in side sim - xi’Indrai’s Office - Starting Over
(snip)

Sharah sipped her water thinking about it, and then sighed. She gathered her thoughts, not to be misleading, but to articulate how she felt. She knew, from long years of being under a counselor’s care, that truthfulness was more productive and healthier, even if she didn’t like the truth. “I’m…well I always thought it would be a long time before my career would see me having a department head position. Because of my gift, I am often perceived as being flightily and unfocused. And it makes me very socially awkward.” She seems distracted for a moment, “Traits that are not usually used to describe an effective leader.” Her hands fidget a little and then she stills them in her lap after setting her glass down. “But I discovered, while I was on Earth, I’m actually very good at leading. At least groups that aren’t too large. I’m actually feeling okay about my new position.” She closes her eyes her head turned slightly as if listening to something before forcing her gaze back to the room. “I’m nervous, of course, and science is such a big department, but I’m also excited.” Then more subdued, and a hint of frustration, and maybe shame, “I’m having a hard time adjusting to the size of the ship and the number of people here. No where is really quiet, ever. I feel like I’m on my cadet cruise again.” She picks up her glass more for something to do than the need to drink the water. “I’m afraid I made quite a disgrace of myself when the captain announced my promotion. She was very understanding, but I’m disappointed in myself.” Sharah, with years of being forced to never hedge and be honest always with herself, doesn’t hesitate to admit how she feels about the events, even though others might not willingly give those feelings a voice.

Lt. jg Fayth, CSO

Dinui let her speak and she took her time in forming her response. She focused on each point that Sharah had mentioned, “I know that your promotion was a surprise for you but in general most Captain’s don’t give the work unless they’re confident that you can do it.” She paused to ponder the point that Sharah said that it wasn’t quiet enough, a longer moment. “Perhaps some of your favorite music while you tend to Hope? Or we can try playing music during the painting or cooking lessons perhaps that might help push the excessive thoughts to the background?” She didn’t know if Sharah had tried such measures or not yet. The last point she mentioned, Dinui spoke gently yet firmly, “We are our own worst critics, if the Captain wasn’t upset with you, there’s no reason for you to be disappointed in yourself. I have faith that given the chance you will show yourself that you can do this.”

• Dinui xi’Indra, Counselor

Sharah wasn’t going to tell Dinui about the symphony she heard from plants, from their very primitive emotions. That music was soothing, and one of the reasons she loved her work in the Arboretum so much. But that was a closely guarded secret. She’d contemplated the why’s and how’s of it, and didn’t have an answer, but she hadn’t really taken the time to research it. But after that Andorian Lily in the arboretum, she had an idea forming. But that was a topic for later, not why she was here. “I listen to music a lot. I prefer Earth’s classical composers, or similar. Though,” she blushes slightly, from a memory, “I’ve discovered I like Frank Sinatra as well. But as far as distraction goes, maybe if you could get all the people around me to hear it and focus on it as well, it might.” Sharah wasn’t being sarcastic, it was an honest assessment of the suggestion. “I like music, but there is very little that actually drowns out the sound. Sometimes, distance helps, but it would have to be a lot of distance.” On Earth she and Joseph had discovered that 3 miles, was a good starting point. It had been so incredibly quiet there, so far away from anyone and anything. Life had been…almost normal for her, for a little while.

“I am my own worst critic, I always have been. The trick though, was learning which thoughts were mine, and which ones were not. I still have to remember that now.” She smiles at something, “Calm down, everything’s alright. Don’t be afraid.” She quoting someone or something.
Lt jg Fayth, CSO

Dinui nodded softly, “I will think on that one, as for music the crooners of Sinatra’s days are among my favorite too, the few slightly modern ones that followed in their vocal performance like Michael Buble, or Matt Dusk had some very good songs as well.” She raised her brows slightly at Sharah, “Are you alright?” If the session was to the point of Sharah possibly retreating to old habits it might be better to call a halt and try again another time.

• Dinui xi’Indra, Counselor

Ooc if you want me to edit anything please just let me know.
OOC: Nope it’s all good. :) Feel free to push her, she won’t mind.
IC:
Unlike some people who might be confused by the counselor’s question because they were lost in the reminisce of a memory, Sharah was not. Her brain worked incredibly fast. Unless she was totally overwhelmed and near a point of break down she could keep up with several things at once: a side effect of hearing everything around her. “Oh I’m fine, well as fine as I was when I walked in here. Talking about self criticism just reminded me of something my fiancé tells me all the time. He knows how I am, and he can usually tell, before I do, when I start to spiral. The words have become a type of mantra for me, while we’ve been apart.” She smiles over some memory and it’s more humored than wistful. “I’ve never heard Matt Dusk or Michael Buble. I will have to look them up later.” Sharah glanced around the room again, getting a better feel for the new counselor, and waiting. She’d been escorted by the doctor out of the bowling alley last night. She was sure there were things the counselor would want to ask or delve into. And that’s why Sharah had come to the office. She needed to get back on even footing, or right her boat so she wasn’t capsized anymore.
Lt. jg Fayth, CSO

Dinui nodded gently her anteni swiveling slightly, “Can I ask why you left the bowling alley early last night?” She asked as she regarded Sharah, concerned and curious of the reasons for her exit. Though she didn’t intend to push too much during this first session, she was still getting back into the headspace for counseling after doing medical exams. Dinui had enjoyed the work and closeness involved with counseling but had previously agreed to expend to more medical duties. Since her transfer to the Ark Angel, she was feeling that decision had been more of a test than actual drive. So when asked she had absolutely no problem with returning to the root and reason of her career helping others with their own mental health and personal ideals.

• Dinui xi’Indrai, Counselor

“I ‘hear’” and Sharah uses air quotes and then taps to her head, “everything. Unless someone has exceptional mental barriers, I hear the conscious and subconscious thoughts of everyone around me. I can’t turn it off. I can ignore it to the sense that the specifics don’t register but it is still part of the noise.” She touches the new pip on her collar. “I wasn’t prepared for the captain to promote me, or to do it so publically. Which is ironic that I didn’t know she was going to do it. She is exceptionally well trained and her thoughts don’t leak out. But when she did that, it caused the minds of all those people to focus on me. And even if I had been prepared for it, I’m not sure I could have ignored it any better. But they were all thinking about me and the noise suddenly was overwhelming.” She sips her water, remembering. “I think I could have gotten above it, but then the XO arrived, and that was harder.” She swallows and looks at Dinui helplessly. “I can’t handle Vulcan minds. They are extremely painful to me. They have been since I studied on Vulcan when I was 10. I can work with Vulcans as long as I know. I can’t lessen the pain, but I have learned to work through the pain. But his…mind was different. It was louder. I don’t know why, but then I got sick from the amount of pain, and I left.”
Lt. jg Fayth, CSO

Dinui nodded and frowned slightly, “I can only imagine the pain you must have been in, as far as his mind being different I will have to talk with him before I can figure it out.” She regarded Sharah concerned, “Are you going to be able to work on the bridge when he’s there or do we need to request a separate shift detail?”

• Dinui xi’Indrai, Counselor