Posted by Lieutenant Marlaa (Chief Counseling Officer) in Side Sim: Counsellors Office: Ensign Buckingham reporting for Psyc Eval

Posted by Ensign Thomas Buckingham (Medical Officer) in Side Sim: Counsellors Office: Ensign Buckingham reporting for Psyc Eval

Posted by Lieutenant Marlaa (Chief Counseling Officer) in Side Sim: Counsellors Office: Ensign Buckingham reporting for Psyc Eval
Posted by… suppressed (4) by the Post Ghost! 👻

Making his way to his next check-in Buckingham moved quickly through his new ship. The corridors of the Starship felt warm and familiar yet at the same time cold and distant. Instead of feeling excited and buoyant about being posted on a Starship - like he once did, he now felt nervous and uneasy. He tried to quell these feelings, telling himself that they are jitters that would pass in time as he grew more comfortable in his new posting, just like they did last time. But he wasn’t sure how much he believed it. This wasn’t last time and things were different now. He was different now.

Eventually he arrived outside the door to the Counsellors Office. He closed his eyes for a moment and breathed in deeply through his nose and exhaled heavily from his mouth… nope still nervous, just as before. He opened his eyes again, straightened his posture, tugged his uniform tunic down and rang the door chime.

Ensign Thomas Buckingham - Medical

“Come!”

When the door opened, the young man would see a woman with long, dark hair bent over with the upper half of her body inside a moving crate against the far wall behind her desk.

As the door swooshed shut behind him, her voice would bounce around the crate before coming out. “Hang on, grabbing this last piece…” She stood up and looked at him with a flushed face and a smile. “Sorry… Come on in. Got a little carried away trying to unpack.” She reached a hand to brush errant hair from her face as she looked at him.

Marlaa
CNS

“No need to apologise” Thomas smiled as he entered the room. “Ensign Buckingham reporting, Ma’am” As he stood there he wondered if he ought to Salute or not. It felt a little too formal so he opted to keep his hands rested behind his back.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt. If now isn’t a good time I can come back later?” He said politely.

Ensign Thomas Buckingham - Medical

Mar smiled. “No need to apologize, Ensign. We are informal in here. This is a place of safety and security.” She smiled and set the crush wrapped fist size item on the edge of her desk and motioned to the couch and chair by the window. “Please… come on in and tell me a bit about yourself. What brings you out into the deep, dark black?” She waited for him then sat across from him.

Marlaa
CNS

“Thank you” Buckingham smiled as he took a seat on the couch.
“I figured it was time to get back out into Space” He tried to sound jovial as he explained. “It’s been sometime since I was last out here and I’ve decided it’s time to get back out and start making something of myself. I want to take back some control of my life and start making myself useful again. When I was a younger man all I wanted to do was help people - and lately I just haven’t been doing that, I owe it to that younger man to change that.”
As he stopped speaking he realised that his tone had changed unintentionally to a serious one. He tried to quickly to change that…
“Or something like that…” He chuckled clumsily.

Ensign Thomas Buckingham - Medical

“So what made you stop? Being in space and helping others?” She moved towards the replicator. “What would you like to drink?” She remained light and conversational. It was what she was good at. He obviously had something on his mind to send him back out here. She just wondered if he was aware it was there.

She let the replicator create her a cup of lavender tea and waited for his order.

Mar
CNS

“An Earl Grey Tea for me please.” Thomas Smiled as he considered the question a moment.

“I suppose what made me stop was simply the fact that I couldn’t hack it.” He said with brutal honesty. “I thought I was better prepared than I turned out to be. I felt like I was really hitting my stride when I was asked to be the CMO aboard the Endeavor. I felt amazing, so in control of myself again - at last. But then when things got more serious and people started getting hurt - that’s when it started to fall apart again.” He fell silent for a moment before continuing.
“I suppose the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak, was when I was in Sickbay and a few members of the crew had been hurt on an away mission. Some in only a minor way, and others in a much more serious way. Things were all in hand though and everyone was recovering nicely. Everything was as it should be. But what really hit me hardest was seeing the friends and other visitors coming in to check on the patients. I remember one of the more serious cases - a young man - being visited by a very sweet girl of a similar age. I didn’t pry, but it was clear that they were lovers. She looked so concerned, so helpless. No matter what I said to her the worry wouldn’t leave her. And all I could see in this young girl… was myself. It reminded me so painfully of the hours I spent at my wife’s bedside worrying and fretting… it was just too much for me to bare… It was clear to me then that I had to take sometime out of Star Fleet and really work out these issues .”

Ensign Thomas Buckingham - Medical

She let him finish and set the tea before him. The tray on the table had sugar, honey and milk, as well as spoons. “And do you think remaining in the Medical Field won’t rekindle that feeling every time there is a crisis? We are in space, dear friend.” She smiled and sat in her own seat with her cup balanced on her arm rest. “Just because you aren’t in charge doesn’t mean you won’t still see these things. So what makes you certain you are going to be fine from here on out?” She took a sip of her tea and watched him. More times than not it was body language, not spoken language, that told the tale better.

Marlaa
CNS

Thomas knew this question would arise eventually. He knew it had to be asked. He was thankful that the Counselor had brought it up so kindly and gently.
The Counselor made a fantastic point, they are in space, things do happen, people do get hurt - quite often, in fact. This had been the question that had been plaguing Buckingham from the moment he decided to return to Star Fleet. He’d spent more time contemplating it than he cared to admit. He often found himself laying awake at night feeling frightened and worried. Was this the right decision? Would he falter again?
“You are right Counselor, of course” He said calmly. “There is no guarantee that I’ll be fine going forward. I can only hope that the time I have taken to confront my issues and work through them will be enough. I sincerely hope they will. My other option is to simply suck it up.” he paused a moment hoping he didn’t sound too blunt.
“I have to do this. I really want to do this. I have found myself so determined. What else is there possibly for me to do?” His tone became truly earnest. “I have known nothing in my life other than working in medicine. And to be totally honest, I have become addicted… to this” He gestured around him. “To being among the Stars and to being part of a Crew. Since leaving Star Fleet there has been nothing on my mind but when will I go back. There has been no if about it, ever.”

He sat silent for a moment, feeling self conscious. He had gotten carried away and felt as if he had begun waxing lyrical. He could feeling himself beginning to blush, so he lent forward and had a sip of his tea before sitting back in his chair and trying to look comfortable.

Ensign Thomas Buckingham - Medical