STF

Side Sim: Counsellors Office: Ensign Buckingham reporting for Psyc Eval

Posted May 26, 2023, 11:51 p.m. by Lieutenant Marlaa (Chief Counseling Officer) (Melissa Aragon)

Posted by Ensign Thomas Buckingham (Medical Officer) in Side Sim: Counsellors Office: Ensign Buckingham reporting for Psyc Eval

Posted by Lieutenant Marlaa (Chief Counseling Officer) in Side Sim: Counsellors Office: Ensign Buckingham reporting for Psyc Eval

Posted by Lieutenant Marlaa (Chief Counseling Officer) in Side Sim: Counsellors Office: Ensign Buckingham reporting for Psyc Eval
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻

SNIP

“I suppose what made me stop was simply the fact that I couldn’t hack it.” He said with brutal honesty. “I thought I was better prepared than I turned out to be. I felt like I was really hitting my stride when I was asked to be the CMO aboard the Endeavor. I felt amazing, so in control of myself again - at last. But then when things got more serious and people started getting hurt - that’s when it started to fall apart again.” He fell silent for a moment before continuing.
“I suppose the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak, was when I was in Sickbay and a few members of the crew had been hurt on an away mission. Some in only a minor way, and others in a much more serious way. Things were all in hand though and everyone was recovering nicely. Everything was as it should be. But what really hit me hardest was seeing the friends and other visitors coming in to check on the patients. I remember one of the more serious cases - a young man - being visited by a very sweet girl of a similar age. I didn’t pry, but it was clear that they were lovers. She looked so concerned, so helpless. No matter what I said to her the worry wouldn’t leave her. And all I could see in this young girl… was myself. It reminded me so painfully of the hours I spent at my wife’s bedside worrying and fretting… it was just too much for me to bare… It was clear to me then that I had to take sometime out of Star Fleet and really work out these issues .”

Ensign Thomas Buckingham - Medical

She let him finish and set the tea before him. The tray on the table had sugar, honey and milk, as well as spoons. “And do you think remaining in the Medical Field won’t rekindle that feeling every time there is a crisis? We are in space, dear friend.” She smiled and sat in her own seat with her cup balanced on her arm rest. “Just because you aren’t in charge doesn’t mean you won’t still see these things. So what makes you certain you are going to be fine from here on out?” She took a sip of her tea and watched him. More times than not it was body language, not spoken language, that told the tale better.

Marlaa
CNS

Thomas knew this question would arise eventually. He knew it had to be asked. He was thankful that the Counselor had brought it up so kindly and gently.
The Counselor made a fantastic point, they are in space, things do happen, people do get hurt - quite often, in fact. This had been the question that had been plaguing Buckingham from the moment he decided to return to Star Fleet. He’d spent more time contemplating it than he cared to admit. He often found himself laying awake at night feeling frightened and worried. Was this the right decision? Would he falter again?
“You are right Counselor, of course” He said calmly. “There is no guarantee that I’ll be fine going forward. I can only hope that the time I have taken to confront my issues and work through them will be enough. I sincerely hope they will. My other option is to simply suck it up.” he paused a moment hoping he didn’t sound too blunt.
“I have to do this. I really want to do this. I have found myself so determined. What else is there possibly for me to do?” His tone became truly earnest. “I have known nothing in my life other than working in medicine. And to be totally honest, I have become addicted… to this” He gestured around him. “To being among the Stars and to being part of a Crew. Since leaving Star Fleet there has been nothing on my mind but when will I go back. There has been no if about it, ever.”

He sat silent for a moment, feeling self conscious. He had gotten carried away and felt as if he had begun waxing lyrical. He could feeling himself beginning to blush, so he lent forward and had a sip of his tea before sitting back in his chair and trying to look comfortable.

Ensign Thomas Buckingham - Medical

Mar listened and gave him a moment. Rising up and moving to the window, she let him compose himself a moment. Pushing a stand of hair from her ear, she spoke calmly. Almost like a friend pointing something out. “Come, take a look.” She motioned to the expanse of windows and the darkness beyond, streaked with lines of starlight as warp speed traveled them across the expanse. “Come tell me what you see…”

She held a hand towards him, beckoning, and inviting.

Mar
CNS

Ensign Buckingham lifted his lanky frame from the Sofa and joined the Counselor by the Window. “What I see…” Buckingham said very quietly to himself as he stood a moment, his arms rested behind his back, and pondered.
“If we’re speaking literally I see the cold expanse of Space and the stars and other objects that occupy it… but I suspect that’s not quite what you meant…” He said wryly.
“What I see is bipartite” He explained “I see an open expanse of adventure and opportunity, worlds to explored and people to meet. There are experiences to be had and memories to be made… But I also see a very hazardous place, filled with hazardous people and dangerous situations. I sometimes think that in our state of advancement we have sometimes become ignorant of the fact the very object of our exploration - space - is a very cruel mistress.”

Ensign Thomas Buckingham - Medical

Marlaa listened and nodded with a smile. “Any yet, you serve Her willingly. You came back, despite knowing what she’ll dish out. But, why? You said you left because watching pain and loss wounded you deeply. What makes you think this time with be different just because you aren’t the Department Head? Sure, you won’t have to make those ‘final call’ decisions, but the results, regardless, will be the same if they are wrong or don’t work.” She left him standing at the window and slowly made her way back to her seat. Sitting down, she cocked her head and looked at his back. “Why should I clear you for duty, here in the dubious darkness, you, yourself, have call hazardous and dangerous, knowing last time it nearly crippled you?” Her voice was soft and questioning, not judgmental. Merely curious.

Mar
CNS

This was becoming increasingly difficult for Ensign Buckingham, be was determined to push on. He continued to stare out of the window.
“I have to help people.” He said quietly. “What point is there to this life if I can’t help people?” The question was rhetorical.
He wanted to be back out in space, more than anything else he could think of. As far as he could see to help and heal people was his only purpose in life. There wasn’t really anything else. His life would go on, but it would be empty without the adventure of being in Space and fulfillment of practicing the Hippocratic Oath. He needed this.
He turned to face the counselor. “I can do this” His voice was raw and sincere.

Ensign Thomas Buckingham - Medical

When he turned, she was smiling. It was a soft, understanding smile. A soft nod prefaced her response. “I believe you can. But you have to make me a promise. I want you to talk to me. Whether you want to share a good moment or bad. Talk to me. And talk to your Department Head. As deep is space is, the space in your head can be deeper. I want you to know you are never so far away we aren’t here.” She rose and walked over to stare out the window once more. “Yes, She takes a lot. But in the grand scheme and scope of things, she takes very little.”

“Of course” Buckingham smiled. He appreciated the Counselors kind nature immensely.
“I was hoping to meet regularly with the Ship’s Counselor anyway, so unfortunately you’ll be seeing a lot of me” He joked.

Stepping back, the smile lit her face completely. “I believe you can do this, Ensign Buckingham. I wanted to be sure you believed it. It doesn’t matter if you are in a high praised medical facility for Admirals and their kin, or a space shuttle in deepest Delta Quadrant, loss is loss. And it will hurt. You much always believe that if you did all you could, to the best of your ability, then it isn’t your fault. You can only claim fault if you are negligent, purposeful and willing to come up short and watch them die. Otherwise, she touched his arm gently, it’s painful, but not your fault. Can you try and remember that?” She released her touch and clasped her hands before her to await his reaction.

Marlaa
CNS

“Yes Counselor, I will - thank you” He said gratefully.

Ensign Thomas Buckingham - Medical

Mar laughed. “I would never say regular check ups are an unfortunate thing. We can set it for every thirty days, if you wish. You would, of course, see me after any mission that requires a debrief, of course. And you can always ask to see me beforehand if you have a wish. Will that work for now?” She moved to the table to pick up her tea and take a sip, making sure to keep the exchange light. He was a good man with deep affections for those around him. She didn’t want him to feel dependent on her, but was also grateful he wished to see her as part of his routine.

If only others on the ship were so amenable.

Mar
CNS

“That will work perfectly for me, Thank you Counselor.” Thomas smiled. He appreciated how accommodating the counselor had been. Regular meetings were exactly what he had in mind. He figured that they would be key in keeping thing manageable as he readjusted to life back in StarFleet.

Ensign Thomas Buckingham - Medical

Mar smiled and nodded. “Then let’s set the first one for two weeks, just to see that you are settled. And we will do monthly from there. Just remember,” she winked, “I’m here always. Not like I can run away or go on vacation. So you are free to reach out anytime, on any shift. Never fear waking me. All right?” She nodded to him. “I grant you permission to tell your Department Head you are ready for duty. And, once more, welcome to the Angel.” The woman raised a hand to shake his in formal welcome.

Marlaa
CNS

“Thank you so much Counselor” He said shaking her hand. “I really appreciate it.” He smiled. Things where looking up for him - finally. He could sense that this was definitely the start of a new chapter in his life. And now instead of feeling worried and anxious about it, he welcome it with open arms. He felt ready for the challenges and surprises that may come his way. He could do this!

Ensign Thomas Buckingham - Medical

She shook his hand and smiled as he left. It was always good when folks left smiling.

Marlaa
CNS

((Ended thread))


Posts on USS Ark Angel

In topic

Posted since


© 1991-2024 STF. Terms of Service

Version 1.15.9