Posted by Lieutenant Seddk Vock (Chief Medical Officer) in Lounge - Burying the Scalpel (Tag Lauren)

Posted by Ensign Jazzin Lauren (Medical Officer) in Lounge - Burying the Scalpel (Tag Lauren)

Posted by Lieutenant Seddk Vock (Chief Medical Officer) in Lounge - Burying the Scalpel (Tag Lauren)
Posted by… suppressed (10) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Vock arrived at the Lounge thirty minutes prior to his agreed to meeting with his new Medical officer Ensign Lauren. Looking around, he found a table towards the back and near a window that was empty and took a seat. Looking out the window as the stars streaked past, Vock stilled his mind and calmed himself. It had been a very long day… the shuttle, the burns, the conflict and argument with his new coworker… it had indeed been a trying period. It was unexpected, the manner of his arrival. And the circumstances surrounding it still weighed heavily on his mind. Taking a deep breath, he focused on the streaks of light outside the window and recited a meditation mantra while he waited for Jazz’s arrival.

Vock, CMO

“Dearest one; you will be fine. You are a good person. You are my sweetest boy and I am sure that this Lieutenant will come to see that in time.”

Jazzin smiled to his mother, whose kind face smiled right back at him over the monitor. “He’s a Vulcan, mother. I don’t think ‘being sweet’ is going to get me very far.”

His father was sat beside his mother; being half Trill, the markings around his scalp were darker than Jazzin’s own, which looked more like old, faded tattoos. “Then you do your job and you do it well, son. Your a doctor in Starfleet! You’re there for a reason; because you earned it. No one handed it to you, so just keep that in your mind.”

“I think my pride might be the very reason I’m in this situation in the first place.” Jazz complained. He glanced at the time on the monitor. “I have to go. I just want to get this over with.”

“Just be yourself,” his mother said.

“And be professional,” his father added, ever the pragmatist.

“Yes sirs!” He said, earning a chuckle from both his parents. “I love you.”

“We love you too, son.”

When the monitor went dark, Jazzin sighed. It wasn’t the same. For Betazoids, even those who weren’t full Betazoids, words were spoken with a whole host of emotion attached to them, and hearing those words through a monitor, meant that they felt hollow to him. Not that he didn’t believe that his parents did love him, it was just when said face-to-face, that feeling would wash over him. He missed it, terribly.

“Okay,” he said, to his empty room. “Let’s go treat this wound.”

*

It was nice to be out of uniform and into some casual clothes. He had toyed with the idea of wearing his uniform, but he was not on shift, and this wasn’t an official meeting, so he had stubbornly decided to stick on a loose pair of green trousers and a grey shirt, and a silver sash that was common for young men to wear in the region he had grown up in on Betazed (it had led to some light teasing at the Academy, but it had never fazed him). The sash was to show he was unmarried; which most Betazoids considered out-dated and old fashioned, but his town had maintained the tradition, just had he.

The lounge was fairly busy, but Jazzin had more than his eyes to look for his Chief with. So as his black eyes searched the room, his mind went this way and that, coming across a familiar feeling when he located Vock. He took a nervous breath and made his way over to the table.

“Good evening, sir.” He said, formally. He had no idea how this was going to play out, so would err on the side of caution.

Ens. Lauren
Doctor

Vock took his gaze from the stars and looked at Lauren, his face as blank and emotionless as ever. Without a word, he gestured, palm outward, to the chair opposite his own, inviting the doctor to sit. Vock was in uniform, but it was not the one seen earlier. This was clean and sharp, each facet regulation and precise. A PaDD sat in front of him, currently blank.

The Betazoid inwardly groaned at the sight of Vock in his uniform. ‘Of course he’d come to a dinner in uniform; I wonder if he’s trying to make a point?’

“Greetings, Doctor. I trust the evening finds you well?” he inquired.

Vock, CMO

Taking a seat, Jazzin tried to arrange himself comfortably and casually, almost like he was trying to make a point that this was an off-duty meeting and that he would treat it as such. “I’m a little tired, after my shift. It was rather slow, so time seemed to drag. I did manage a quick call back home to my parents on Betazed, which was pleasant.” He could have answered ‘yes, sir’, but had decided to be more laid back. “What about yourself, sir? Feel better now your scrubbed and clean?” He asked, with a cautious smile.

Ens. Lauren
Med

“Indeed. All though I will feel more centered once I am actually able to unpack. Security is still combing through the shuttle, so I have yet to retrieve my personal belongings.” Vock answered calmly. “And I trust our patients are resting as comfortably as they can?” he inquired. The question was not judgmental; it came across as simply a question for clarification.

Vock, CMO

“Everyone’s fine, sir.” Jazzin answered. “We both arrived within days of each other, so we know how fast things can turn around, but,” he shrugged. “It’s a well run Sickbay. As always, the nursing staff keep everything going without any complaint.” He smiled briefly as he thought back to the Academy. “I remember one of our tutors telling us: ‘If you have a happy nursing staff, you will have a happy Sickbay. Cross them, and your professional life will be a nightmare’. I think it’s a good philosophy. I actually considered being a nurse myself; even volunteered as an assistant back on Betazed. Doctors seem to get all the flashy roles, but the nurses are the ones the patient’s want with them, holding their hands, whenever they want a comforting presence.” He glanced up. “I hope to be thought of the same way; that people know that I’m not going to just order treatment, but that people can talk to me, and know I’ll listen.”
Vock nodded in quiet agreement. “If a doctor fails to listen, then they fail in their duty. Scans and test results, while important tools, only tell part of the complete situation.”

He gave a small chuckle. “Maybe bigots are correct; ‘Betazoids are too soft for hard work’. We don’t come across as a particularly tough species. But it has its perks.”

Vock cocked an eyebrow at the statement and said “I have worked with several of your species. While I agree that the term ‘tough’ is not necessarily applicable in the most rudimentary sense, I did find them quite competent and professional.”

The Betazoid realised this was probably the closest a Vulcan would be to giving a compliment, so nodded and smiled. “Thank you, sir.”

Lauren realised he hadn’t asked a single question yet, and ran the risk of sounding self-involved. “Do you mind me asking what brought you to the Asimov, sir? Was it a desired destination or a promotional opportunity?”

Ens Lauren
Doctor

“Promotional opportunity? No. I was the Chief Medical Officer on the USS Dresden prior to my assignment here. I was reassigned to the Academy after my time on that vessel to attend the Advanced Medical Officer Course. I was then sent to Star Fleet Command Officer training prior to being assigned to the Asimov.” Vock responded. His voice lacked a bit of the abruptness that it had upon their first meeting. While it was far from friendly or jovial, it was at least less… terse.

Jazzin was an attentive listener. He wondered though; if Vock had gone through Command Training, why was he still only a Lieutenant? Why hadn’t he been given a ‘command’ title? Had he failed? He was hardly about to ask that of his superior officer!

Looking at the young doctor, Vock asked “And what about yourself, Ensign? Did you specifically request the Asimov? Or were you simply assigned the post?”

Vock, CMO

“Oh well, originally I envisaged a life working on medical stations, as I had no real interest in joining the military. Even my family were not pleased when I had requested I come to the Asimov. The reason I did was because the head of our Starfleet Medical Training had been a doctor on this very ship. Commander Luke Santiago …” His eyes grew distant for a moment as he recalled his old tutor and mentor. The Human had taken a shine to him and perhaps if they hadn’t been teacher and student, things might have gone a bit differently. But professionalism had snuffed out any potential romance. “His tales of being out in Deep Space, working under extreme conditions and such … well I had always intended to work in emergency medicine, and it all sounded so exciting!”

He looked up. “I don’t know if you feel excitement, or perhaps not on a scale like my species. But …” He cleared his throat, awkwardly. “Shall we have something to drink?” He said, hoping he hadn’t offended Vock.

Ens Lauren
Doctor

Vock inclined his head slightly and said “Of course. What would you like, Ensign? I will retrieve the beverages.” and he stood up.

“Thank you, sir. I’ll have a Ktarian ale … whichever they suggest. I can never tell the difference between any of them, but I like them all the same.”

When Vock left the table, Jazzin’s eyes moved across the room, settling on the exit. If only, he thought.

Making is way to the replicator, Vock ordered Lauren’s drink and his own. Returning to the table, he sat the drinks down and took a seat. He took a sip of his tea and set the clear glass cup down in front of him. “Doctor, I believe I must address something that is concerning me. You have made inquiries or comments on several occasions… indeed, I believe that some of our difficulties may stem from this as well… as to the emotional capabilities of Vulcans. I believe that what you currently know about my species may be somewhat inaccurate. May I ask what you know of Vulcan culture and custom? And please… I do not mean this as an argument or for you to perceive this as me being… how did you put in Sickbay… holding the rest of you in little to no regard. I am simply inferring from statements or questions you have made. It is well within the realm of possibility that I may be mistaken in my inference.”

Vock, CMO

Lauren suppressed a weary sigh. And so it begins. He really did not want to have this conversation, but he supposed it was inevitable; he had made some remarks about Vock, which might have been unfair. It was natural that the Lieutenant would want to discuss this.

“Well, sir …” he ran a hand through his dark hair, then took a long drink. After he put down the tankard, he tapped his fingers on the table before he spoke. All signs of nervousness that a counsellor might have a field day with. “It’s a very big question,” he began. “Vulcans are one of the founding members of the Federation, so naturally we learn about them, mainly objectively; through data and talks, and such. Outside of Vulcan physiology, I probably know what the rest of any Starfleet officer who has not spent much time with your species, knows. You are driven by logic, and that you control and suppress emotion.” He took another drink. “I suppose this clashes with everything I have learned about caring for those in need. I mean, of course you can prescribe the right treatment, and you can perform the right medical procedure, but …” Jazzin glanced up. “I feel like there’s something missing when it comes to actual patient care; empathy … sympathy. When people are in pain, have a terminal illness, or fearing for their very lives; do they really want a stoic doctor incapable of truly understanding what they’re experiencing, emotionally? And I don’t just mean emotions you might know about, through data, but emotions you, yourself, might feel in that very instance! I just always thought that maybe … medical science would be more … suitable to Vulcans, than practising in a field where sometimes, you have to sit with a patient, hold their hand … even cry with them! And be sympathetic to their plight. Vulcans see no logic in sympathy … I just don’t understand how you can be an effective care provider without that ability.”

Jazzin near held his breath. Had he just essentially said ‘Vulcans should not be doctors’? He should have never agreed to this social meeting. He could have stated a hundred reasons why not, and gotten out of it. But he had taken the plunge; Betazoids faced emotions head-on … but this was so outside of his realm of understanding because he was dealing with a person who suppressed their emotions. They were fire and water, and Lauren was worried that the hole he was digging was one he might not be able to easily climb out of.

Ens Lauren
Doctor

Vock listened carefully as Lauren spoke. And what he said was not anything the Vulcan had not heard before. He was aware that a good number of species viewed his people as cold. Emotionless. Driven by logic and caring for nothing else. It was an understandable misconception, one few Vulcans took the time to address. Unfortunately, in this circumstance, it was more than problematic. Vock took a drink as Lauren finished, and a slight scowl crossed his features. He sat the cup down and placed his palm flat on the table.

“I would like to explain something to you, Doctor.” and his tone was no longer flat. There was a definite aspect of irritation in it; one he did not try to hide, but tried to keep in check. “You are being extremely judgmental and more than somewhat discriminatory in your beliefs as to whether or not Vulcans can practice medicine in a capacity that seems to suit the standards of what you believe to be appropriate. That viewpoint, I concede at this time, to be based on flawed and incorrect assumptions and information you seem to believe regarding my species. So allow me to present you the correct information. And as you seem to have dismissed what I spoke with you about in my office, I will repeat it for your benefit.” and his jaw actually clenched visibly. He looked directly at Lauren, the green eyes burning but his face flat and devoid of expression.

“You find me emotionless and therefore that, in your flawed and erroneous opinion, makes me incapable of being a good doctor. Where your err, sir, is that Vulcans are not emotionless. Far from it, actually. We do suppress our emotions, true. But we do that for our safety… and the safety of those around us. Our history is one of extreme violence, Mr. Lauren. A history of wars driven by unrelenting passion and angers; vendettas held across generations, thousands of years… to the point we nearly made ourselves extinct. We turned a lush and ecologically diverse planet into a desert… because of our emotions. Logic and the teachings of Surak saved us, preserved us, and kept us from mass genocide and species-eliminating suicide. Logic is our defense, Mr. Lauren. It is the armor we wear to protect us from ourselves.” and he took a breath and made a visible effort to calm himself. After a moment, he continued.

“You have the luxury… the privilege… of being a species capable of experiencing their emotions without fear. We do not have that privilege. But to think that I, as you said, ‘see no logic in sympathy’ for my patients? That Vulcans are ‘incapable of truly understanding what they’re experiencing, emotionally’? ” and he actually made a ‘tsk-tsk-tsk’ sound. “This is not only a flawed and, if I may, * insulting* point of view for you to take with me or my kind; it is also the height of arrogance to assume that simply because you can express your emotions safely that that somehow makes you a better physician. You must also realize that not all Vulcans have the same degree of emotional control. Logic is taught to us, Doctor; it is not inherent in our DNA. Some Vulcans learn it very well. Some Vulcans do not. And some Vulcans strive to simply find a balance between the two extremes. As a doctor dealing with Vulcans either in a professional or social situation, you would be well advised to remember that.” ” and he leaned forward, his face still mostly expressionless to those around them but his eyes showing that he was indeed not entirely stoic… and right now he may even be experiencing some small but controlled degree of anger.

“You think that I cannot sympathize? That I cannot feel? That the logic I employ to keep myself from falling into the endless depths of emotion that I possess is somehow a detriment to my ability to practice medicine? That I did not feel when I wrote the letter to send to Ensign Mclure’s family that I did not sympathize with their loss, their pain? If that is what you truly believe, Doctor, then you are quite simply wrong. And you are doing me, and yourself, a great disservice. You are dismissive of me because you cannot fathom what it means to be like me. But what you don’t seem to realize is this. I know what it is like to feel as you do. You, however, don’t know what it is like to have to not feel.” He then leaned back and looked around to make sure their exchange had not drawn any attention.

Picking up the cup of tea before him, he took another sip and set the cup down. “Mr. Lauren, I want you to take a moment and imagine having to suppress every emotion you ever feel. Imagine spending your life knowing that to lose control of yourself could mean your death… or the death of those unfortunate enough to be near you. Imagine that for a moment. As you have the ability, try and sense what you can here,” and he placed a hand on his chest, “and then we can discuss. But do not go too far, Doctor. It would be… unwise… in this setting.”

Vock, CMO

Jazzin had assumed the straight backed posture of a subordinate listening to a superior, and one being given a good dressing down at that! He clenched his teeth every time the Lieutenant used the title ‘mister’, feeling like it was a verbal slap: he wasn’t a ‘mister’, he was a doctor, something that would always be in the box where ‘title’ would be put, and something that would be etched onto his grave on Betazed when he died. Whether or not Vulcans still used ‘mister’ even after someone had achieved their doctorate was something he didn’t know, although he had never experienced it before.

This was no informal meeting; that much was becoming rapidly and painfully clear. He knew Vock was right; so he said so. “You’re correct, sir. I made a sweeping generalisation about your species. That’s prejudice, plain and simple. And I do apologise. And you’re right; I can’t imagine what it is like to have to suppress every single emotion …” he looked up at Vock. “Just as you, probably, have no idea what it’s like to experience every emotion. I feel the pain of my patients, their fear, their terror, their resignation to a terminal diagnosis. It’s something Betazoids have to learn to control when dealing with people in highly emotional situations. You call my abilities a ‘luxury’ … but imagine feeling the emotions of a woman who has just been told her baby has died due to complications of childbirth, or a man who has been told he has a fatal illness and will only live for a month. I have to learn to control myself, to not let that powerful emotional response cloud my judgement and effect my work.” He took a slow, steady breath.

He was ready to apologise again; he had actual been racist! Something he would never thought possible. But making statements about an entire species and applying it to one person was simply that. But he didn’t apologise, instead he took a drink from his tankard. “You asked me a question and I answered. With all due respect, sir, it seems you grow angry when you don’t get the answer you want.” He leaned forward, as he didn’t want anyone else overhearing what he had to say. “Because I can feel emotions emanating from you that I have never felt in the presence of another Vulcan. Do you really want me to use my abilities to explore that? Because I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He took a breath before continuing. “Because what if I find an unstable mind? What then? If I follow protocol then I would have to refer you to the Ship’s Counsellor for assessment. Why? Because, as you said, if you lose control you could be a danger to yourself and everyone around you. I feel your frustration … maybe even anger. What does that mean?” He asked Vock. “Are you asking me to check whether or not I think you are emotionally compromised and declare you unfit for duty without proper investigation?” He too glanced around; he had enough respect for a fellow practitioner that he didn’t want anyone else to hear this. “And I want to make it clear; this is not a threat. I don’t threaten people. But, logically, what would you do if you were in my position? If you had my abilities? What would you do with a member of a species who suppresses their emotions and yet is showing signs of them? Am I supposed to turn on my Chief?” He took a short breath. “Or should I help that individual?”

Ens Lauren
Doctor

Vock stared directly at Lauren for several long moments. His frustration and underlying anger were there, that was true. And Vock knew that the man seated across from him could sense it. And then, suddenly, those feelings were just… gone. As if they had never been there. It was like an impenetrable barrier had just slammed shut, and there was… nothing. The fire was gone from his eyes, his hands were flat but relaxed. The tenseness in his jaw was no longer discernible. It was as if he was just as Lauren had said he thought of Vulcans… emotionless, cold, non-feeling. But something strange happened at that moment as well. The corner of Vock’s mouth turned up slightly, very slightly, and then it went back to it’s typical passive expression.

To Jazzin, it suddenly felt like Vock’s mind had slammed shut; those little tweaks he had sensed were gone. It was somewhat jarring. He shifted in his seat, uncomfortably. It was unsettling.

“Doctor. It takes a good deal of self-awareness to acknowledge something as you just did. And I accept your apology. And I would like to clarify. I do not believe you are prejudiced. Simply inexperienced with regards to some pertinent information. Now, to address your concern. I can assure that I do not ‘get angry’ when I do not receive the answer I want. Doing so would be detrimental to my ability to perform medicine, and it would make for greater difficulties in social engagements than I care to deal with.” and he took a drink of his tea.

Well so far there’s plenty of evidence to the contrary he thought, but instead nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Now, what I am about to tell you is not something that I care to share with most, but logic deems it the most prudent course of action. ” and he looked around to ensure they still maintained their privacy. Leaning forward slightly and dropping his voice low so that only Lauren would hear him, he began. “I believe that logic is necessary to ensure that Vulcans do not fall back into our primitive behaviors. I believe that meditation and focus are of paramount importance to my species. However I, like my mother, do not necessarily believe in suppressing all emotion to the point that most of our people do. This point of view is seen by some as… problematic. Indeed, it is quite dangerous to hold this view on Vulcan. And it is a very narrow path the few who reason as I do walk. There are Vulcans who eschew logic in it’s entirety. They live in small clans in the most desolate areas of our planet. They are barely above animals, if the rumors are to be believed. I will not allow myself to fall in that manner. So, to answer your concern. No, I do not believe you would find an unstable mind. And the probability of my losing control to the point of endangering those around me is small… most likely equivalent to that of a typical Andorian. But if you have a concern as to my stability you are, of course, obligated to report it immediately. And I will not take any retaliatory action against you should you feel that is necessary… you would simply be doing your duty, which is what I expect you to do at all times.” and he took a drink.

“You asked what it means that you could sense my frustration and anger? It means you could sense what I allowed you to experience. Which I did consciously, so that you could know that I am not incapable of feeling. That there is not something missing. I simply do not have the freedom to experience those emotions as readily as you.” With that he leaned back and placed his fingertips together, rested his elbows on the arms of his chair, and peered across the tips of his fingers at Lauren. Speaking normally, he said “I do not envy your ability to share the distress of your patients, Doctor. I would also posit that experiencing those emotions too much could prove distracting. If you would like, I would be willing to teach you some of the techniques Vulcans use to remain centered in stressful situations. That may also allow you a greater sense of understanding with regards to my people… and that may, in turn, allow us to work together in a more symbiotic rather than antagonistic fashion. Which I am sure the rest of the staff would appreciate as much as you and I would. I’m sure you are most assuredly aware that such conflict can be detrimental to the standard of care the crew would receive should it continue. And as the Chief Medical Officer of this vessel, I could not allow that. And I doubt you would want to see that happen, either.”

Vock, CMO

Lauren felt tired. The exchange between them was exhausting. This flip from emotional to pragmatic was difficult on him, and he had a feeling that this was not the end of their conflict; they were two different people, whether that came from the huge differences in their species of just as people. When Vock had mentioned this technique, it had piqued something inside of him, especially when he had mentioned that it might help the rest of the staff. He was close with the nursing team, and had a good working relationship with the other doctors, but, he wasn’t so sure he wanted to be ‘centred in stressful situations’. He felt his Starfleet training, and the methods used on young Betazoids who were first beginning to show their abilities were enough, for now.

“I’m not going to report you, sir.” He said, at last. “I’m not about to turn on a fellow practitioner, let alone my chief. I don’t want to be the person who goes running to the ‘higher-ups’ with a complaint based on a hunch. But, I will have to respectfully decline your invitation. Betazoids have their own way of dealing with their emotions, just as you say Vulcans do. We might not suppress it, but we are able to make sure we don’t become too … entangled, in what we feel from others.” He sat back, indicating that he wasn’t going to make any more comments that might be over-heard by other people in the lounge. “But, if I may, propose an exchange of information. We both know what we need to know, in medical terms, about the physiology about each other’s species. And you’re right, sir; I don’t know as much about Vulcan custom, traditions … or even on a micro scale of personality and such. I would like to know more about Vulcans, and maybe, if you would like a truly ‘symbiotic relationship’, you might also want to know more of what it’s like to be a Betazoid on a ship where there might only be a few of you, or even only one? Shared information.” He glanced up. “An open invitation from each of us to ask whatever questions we’d like … nothing off the table; outside of Sickbay, of course. Because I honestly want a work environment that I love. I don’t have the experience of working on other posts, this is my first. I want to love working here, and I really want us to get along as colleagues, just as much as superior officer and subordinate. Would that be acceptable, sir? Time spent together, ranks put aside, and really explore what it means to be the other.”

He drained his tankard. He wanted more, but he also felt like dragging this out could lead to another argument. He also feared that ‘arguments’ were going to be a staple of their relationship. He just hoped they were constructive and helpful, as arguments could be; no animosity.

“For the good of Sickbay,” he added.

Ens Lauren
Doctor