: Posted by Commander Mason Black (XO) in XO Quarters - Paris explains the facts to Mason
: : Posted by Lt. Cmdr. Paris Carisi (Chief of Security) in XO Quarters - Paris explains the facts to Mason
: : : Posted by Commander Mason Black (XO) in XO Quarters - Paris explains the facts to Mason
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: Snip
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: : : : : : “My secret,” Paris laid back and looked up at the starry night. “I am not that interesting,” she sighed. “I mean I was a good kid. Hell, I have Denver for a father. You have seen his look. You think he only used that at work,” she looked at Mason with a small grin. “There was no way I was ever stepping out of line then or now.” Rolling over on her side she looked at Mason. “I can tell you my secret dream or fear depending on how you look at it.”
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: : : : Mason sat up and smiled at her softly, the breeze warm on his skin and moonlight framing her own eyes and making them glimmer. “Tell me, once you do we can see if it is a fear or a dream.”
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: : : : : : “My dream is to get married and be like my parents. Have a ton of kids and be happy. My fear is that I will not be able to do both jobs. I have worked hard to get where I am at but I have always wanted to be a mom. You know,” Paris got a smile on her face, “have crazy kid birthday parties that are over the top, spend hours making a birthday cake that is lumpy and tilting. I want it all but how can I do that and be on away missions, working the graveyard shift, and taking out the baddies. So that is my greatest dream and biggest fear. I want a family but worry I will fail at it.”
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: : : : : : Lt. Commander Paris Carisi, CoS
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: : : : Mason’s smile dropped instantly, but it wasn’t shock or fear that took it’s place, but more of a look of sadness that sat deep within his eyes.
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: : A sickening feeling knotted in Paris’ belly replacing the nervous twitters of excitement she had beginning the conversation. She only needed to see the look of happiness instantly extinguished in Mason’s eyes to realize she had said something very wrong. Paris swallowed hard for a second buying time to fix whatever she had done. They had begun the conversation about secrets. Maybe her half confession of a future with him was too much. She had practically forced Mason into a relationship. Paris took a deep breath to ask him what changed the moment but Mason spoke first.
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: : :: “That’s a beautiful dream” he told her, “and from what I know about you, you are going to make an amazing mother one day. Don’t worry about the job, it will work itself out. You could get assigned to a Starbase or colony where you could do both, Starfleet is a big place.” His words were supportive and encouraging and always held a sense of truth, but the tone he spoke in was tinged with sadness and regret.
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: : “I’ll get assigned to a starbase or colony,” she repeated the only piece of his reply that rang like a klaxon in her head. She had moved too fast. Turned out her dream was also Mason’s greatest fear: commitment past a few months of booty calls. “Should I look for a transfer paper in my inbox when I get home,” she felt the knot tuning into kindling as the warm rush she had earlier was turning firey. 
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: : : : Pushing himself to his knees, Mason looked at her and bit his lip. He had genuine and deep feelings for Paris, had braved her father, gone along with her harebrained scheme to get her mother off her back about a boyfriend and ended up knowing that he was falling in love with her. Now he was going to have to hurt her, and he didn’t want to destroy her dream by being a burden to her. He couldn’t help but feel that if he hung around when what she wanted was so clear, he would only ever be that burden and that she would end up resenting him and what he made her lose.
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: : : : “Paris, I can’t. I’m sorry” he started to say but she was now running hot. 
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: : “Can’t what,” she stood up and blocked him from moving from the spot. “You just pulled out a ring Mason. I mean I know it was not an engagement ring yet but the starry sky, the picnic....Jesus Mason you programmed freaking dolphins. Dolphins,” she let her voice go a bit shrill as she threw up her hands angrily. “I thought we had something. I thought this was going to be it. How can it not be it when you have drippy candles and and shooting stars and and,” she looked out at the water seeing as if on cue two dolphins left from the waves playing, “dolphins!,” she gestured over-exaggeratedly at the ocean. “And now you are walking out. No one walks out on ‘I have this ring Paris’,” she did a poor imitation of his voice. “So what…what can’t you do,” she put her hands on her hips.
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: : : “I mean, I can, you already know that I most certainly ‘can,’ but it’s the kids you dream about. I can’t. I won’t let anyone else live with this because of me.” Mason pushed himself to his feet and turned away from Paris. “Program, end” he said, and the holo-program changed to the familiar grid lined holo-deck aboard the Asimov. “Your dream is beautiful, and I honestly hope you get it. But I can’t be the guy that stands beside you” he raised one hand and looked down at it, a slight tremor shaking it as he looked back at her. “I don’t want children Paris, I can’t do this to them.”
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: : : : Cmdr Black
: : : : XO
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: : “Are you kidding me? Program begin,” Paris announced reverting the grid lined holo-deck walls back to the Denevan night landscape. “You can’t say you don’t want kids with me because you have not yet asked me to marry you,” she said emphatically. “I am not the kind of girl that swoons from a handsome face and sexy smile on a beach and nine months later says guess what you’re a baby daddy! No Mister Black I am the type of girl that meets a guy, falls in love, has a bunch of messy semi-breakups before he then,” she punctuated the last word pointing a finger at his chest, “gets down on one knee with his hand shaking and asks me to marry him. By then we will have discussed why you might or might not suck at being a Dad at nauseum. So don’t give me some lame excuse to run out because I hint that I might like a future with you. Let’s have the first of our series of messy semi-breaks up,” she crossed her arms indicating she was not about to move and nor was he. 
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: : Lt. Commander Paris Carisi, COS
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: Mason glanced around as the holo-deck transformed back into the cliffs overlooking the Denevan Ocean with the small cabin and picnic off to the side, then he looked back to Paris and stepped closer in to her. He wasn’t angry, not like Paris was, but the last thing he wanted was to ruin her dream one day, she deserved to be happy, have a whole clutch of children and sit back in the evenings with a man that she loved, the father of her children. Oh he had no doubt that they would be happy now, and in the near future, but one day she would want a child and Mason wasn’t the man that would give that to her. “Do you think I would give you that ring if I didn’t want a future with you?” He asked her softly. “Paris I agreed to pretend to be your boyfriend not just for a laugh or a joke, but because I was always interested in you. From the moment we had our first meeting and you spent half an hour talking about your health-conscious cousin and her plans to find the perfect guy before we ever actually got to business, you had me smiling with every word.”
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: Reaching up, he tucked a wild piece of hair behind her ear before he continued, looking her in the eyes so she could see he was telling her the truth. “I don’t want to ruin your dream of having a family, because I have Forrester-Trent syndrome that is not fully treatable, but controllable. It is genetic, Paris. My children will run a very high probability of contracting it from me, and if you are the woman that I fall in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with, and I think you are that woman, that means your children, our children would have this disease because of me. They would suffer because of me and I don’t want my, our children to suffer at all. Ever. It’s not that I do not want children with you Paris, hell I want to make babies with you every moment we are alone and not a single person can turn my head otherwise, but the thing is I do not want children. I don’t want to hurt them, or you, and I couldn’t bear the look of pain and worry on your face like my mother had when looking at me while I lay in that hospital bed. I don’t want you to lose your dream because of me.”
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: Mason’s voice had grown quiet as he explained his reasons to Paris, he knew it was early in their relationship to talk about children, but it was important to Paris and if she knew now, she could understand and go her own way. He didn’t expect her to accept his condition, her dream was worth far more than a boyfriend she met in a panic.
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: Cmdr Black
: XO

The look of shock and disappointment was evident on Paris’ face. She was not expecting this news. Her mind zoned out for a second as she processed it. Not having children because you couldn’t was one thing but knowing to go into a relationship that he was not going to change his mind ever was entirely different. Mason’s reason was iron clad also. He was not one of those guys that didn’t want children for selfish reasons. He didn’t want them for a justifiable reason. Taking a few minutes to let her mind formulate her thoughts, Paris spoke.

“There is more than one way to have a child, Mason. Yes, you have this condition but other people have barriers to families just the same. Taking a deep breath she knew her answer even if it had taken her longer than necessary to process it. “So you are saying that if I couldn’t have kids you would walk out on me,” Paris looked at him.
“I mean that is essentially what you are saying. Since you can’t physically have kids you cant’ be a father so if it were flipped you are saying I can’t be a mother?” The words sounded harsh but they were more a stern lecture in a sense. “Mason having your own kid has to be the most amazing experience in the world and I will not let go of it or the dream of it. God works in mysterious ways; however, there are other ways to be a parent. While we may want a kid so desperate in the future there will be a kid somewhere that is lost and alone and so desperately wants parents. The universe is a big and beautiful place. It is also cold and harsh and uncaring. We will have kids…assuming we even get there and you don’t blow me out of an airlock first,” Paris joked trying to lighten the topic just a bit. “So whether we have to steal one, buy one, or get one the old fashioned way through legal means I will be a mommy and you will be a daddy. I will have the parties and dream I want. You will have a son or daughter that thinks you are the most amazing man in the world just like their mommy does. A dad doesn’t create a kid through one night of passion. A daddy creates an amazing kid through years of hard work and you will be that daddy. So let’s not put the cart in front of the horse for this one okay. I love you and if you ever get the insane idea to drop to one knee and beg for my hand, we will figure out the family thing later and together. Right now I just want Mason. The man I think is pretty much the greatest guy in the universe and will move heaven and earth to make me happy.”

Lt. Commander Paris Carisi, COS