Posted June 23, 2021, 2:11 p.m. by Civilian Micah Pikelsimer (Federation Security Agent) (James Sinclair)
Posted by Commander Shara Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Tennessee, Earth - Home Sweet Home
Posted by Civilian Micah Pikelsimer (Federation Security Agent) in Tennessee, Earth - Home Sweet Home
Posted by Commander Shara Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Tennessee, Earth - Home Sweet Home
Posted by… suppressed (4) by the Post Ghost! 👻(snip)
Tilting her head back, Shara leaned against him, letting him taking up the slight burden of balancing her weight. Small things, small allowances. She wasn’t even sure exactly when that had started with them but it was something she had noticed (usually after the fact). They each gave up a little bit more of their much needed control to the other. So much of their work was about precision, about controlling all the variables and shifting things into their favour, but that wasn’t possible here. Here, just them, there were no enemies to fight, no battles to win (save those against their inner demons) and neither was an obstacle to surmount. Instead, he seemed to let her unravel a little bit more each day and Shara could not explain the how or why of it. She only knew that having had a taste of it, it was like a craving and she wanted more of this peacefulness, this resting. “It’s been so long since I’ve felt this at ease, Micah. Even with all the rest of the chaos sitting underneath it seems less… pressing, less heavy here with you.” Eyes still closed, she trusted her senses and him.
~Shara
Micah smiled. “I know the feeling, Sha. You make everything… I wanna say easier but that ain’t the right word. I think… I think ‘lighter’ is right, like you said. And as far as the rest of the chaos goes… I’ll help. However I can, however you want me to or let me. I’ll be here for you… and here will be here for you, too. This place has always been mine and mine alone… but with you I’ll share. And happily, too.” He kissed her neck. “We got a lot of baggage, you and I. Maybe we can unpack summa that here, let some finally go; I dunno. All I know is that right here… right now… with you… I feel… well…” and he took a breath.
“I feel safe with you, Sha.”
The magnitude of that statement could only be appreciated by someone who had lived a life like the two of them had.
Micah
Her torso expanded with the large breath she took and then it deflated as she it go. Turning in his arms, she rested her head in the crook of his neck. “I’m glad,” she whispered. there was so much that could be said but timing was everything and Shara knew that once she started with some of it, she wouldn’t be able to just stop. “Do we have to worry about dinner?”
~Shara
Micah shook his head and looked down at her and kissed her head. “Naw… fish stew. It’ll have to cook for a while anyway to marry everything together.” He could feel the moment: her and him, on the edge of… * something*. He took a breath and exhaled slowly and said “Tell me, Sha. Tell me what you want to. We got all the time we need.” and he pulled her tight against him as the hot water fell like rain on them.
Micah
She wasn’t even sure where to start. She wasn’t sure how to begin any of the thoughts that sat in her mind, confused and unexpressed. But he was patient, that was for sure. “When you said you were scared to tell me back there, that you were worried I’d run away… I wanted to. I want to. But just a part of me. The restless part that can’t stand being tethered to anything. Or anyone. But I’m too old for that crap. I have a daughter!” But it was more than that. She was long tethered to people whether she liked it or not, or whether they knew it or not. There was no escaping connection and she was tired of trying. “Because I had no ties, I was the one they sent on the really long recon missions. The ones that lasted years. I became someone else for long enough that it was hard to step away and be myself again. But Faye’s reminded me of her, and I don’t understand her right now. It feels like we’re separate people. And if she’s really me, then who the hell is standing here right now?” She chuckled bitterly into his shoulder.
~Shara
“Shara Calloway is who.” Micah said. “The woman who didn’t want to run away. The woman who wants to be here with me. Who wants to be a mom to her daughter. Who wants to stop being someone else. Thats who is here… the core of you. The rest? The part that wants to run, minimize exposure, keep a… oh what do the headshrinkers call it… oh yeah… a ‘healthy emotional distance’ between you and everything that’s going on… Sha, that’s the part of ya that’s still on the job. I get it… I really do. It’s so damn hard shutting that down. And you never can… not all the way. From here till whenever, some part of us is always gonna be working. But Sha…” and he put his hands on her shoulders and held her back so he could look right at her, the water streaming down his face as he looked directly into her eyes, “… you’ve earned your peace. You got your baby girl back. You got to say goodbye to your home finally. You got your life back, if just a bit… it’s still a start.” His voice caught slightly and his eyes grew red as he forced the emotion down to keep it from overwhelming him. “You got family now… you got people who love you. Not for who you were… but for who you are right now. Are you the same Shara Calloway who left the colony all those years ago? Hell no. S#!+, you aren’t the same Shara that stepped onto the Manhattan for the first time. But this one? This Sha that is standing here looking at me? I know that this is you. The one refusing to run. The one who done decided that she’s done running. The one that looked at her daughter and knew that she was on the right path… and who decided to walk it with her. That’s you, Sha. That’s who you are. I can see it. Faye can see it. Your new brussel sprout of a son can see it. What we all need is for you to see it. ‘Cause we do… and we think it’s amazing.”
It would be easy to blame the blurring of her vision on the falling water. There was tension in her body too, perhaps building from when he held her shoulders firmly and wove his words. She normally moved about with confidence, but all that was about her skills. Her as a person was still an enigma and she understood, at least a little, that she was only just starting to reveal herself.
He pulled her close to him again and put his hand on the back of her head and held her close. “I know you…” he said softly.
Micah
At first Shara didn’t know what was happening. her body was shaking, but it was more like she was heaving. Something hard would hold until it released and unbidden her body became wracked with sobs. Big hard silent sobs. Silent tears. It was’t a conscious thing to be so quiet. And such sobbing was the kind of ugly cry that usually was loud and drew attention. But for many reasons she didn’t bother looking for just then, she didn’t. Her body just wouldn’t stop shaking and through her nose she drew in air sharply from time to time as if breathing were something somehow forgotten.
~Shara
Micah held her close and then turned off the water. He lowered the glass wall and let the warm evening air wash over them. He slowly and gently lowered them both down so they were leaning against the stone wall of the shower, her cradled in his arms. He didn’t speak, didn’t move… he just held her to him and let her cry. Every so often, he would kiss her head and whisper softly “It’s okay, Sha… I got ya.” He stayed there, not moving, feeling her body tremble and shake against him. As the sun slowly faded, he watched fireflies blink in and out of the darkness between the trees.
After a while, as the shaking and tears began to slowly subside, he said softly “How ya doin’, love? Any better?”
Micah
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