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Side Sim - Questions and Concerns

Posted Sept. 17, 2021, 11:19 a.m. by Commander Siadra Enai (Executive Officer) (Silke Fahl)

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Si’Rek (Chief Operations Officer) in Side Sim - Questions and Concerns

Posted by Commander Siadra Enai (Executive Officer) in Side Sim - Questions and Concerns

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Si’Rek (Chief Operations Officer) in Side Sim - Questions and Concerns
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Siadra shook her head. “I know we are doing this for the greater good. Which is why I can’t walk away. But we are still lying or pretending anyways. We aren’t really going to be missing. We will just make people believe that we are. And then pretend to be completely different people while the rest of us pretend to be criminals, mutineers. It feels like lying to me and it makes me sick to the stomach.” Clenching the glass in her hand as hard as she could, she dropped her gaze and whispered, “Everything about this makes me feel like I’m a horrible officer. A horrible mother. A horrible person. And no matter what I decide, I’ll still feel that way.”

~Siadra

Si’Rek looked at Siadra and took a breath. “Except if we are caught by Star Fleet during this mission… we really will go to prison. Or at least lose everything we have worked for. The records, as far as the Federation knows, will be genuine. At least… thats what the agents said. So I would have to assume the penalties would be the same. And we really will be missing… it’s just intentional, not accidental.” He fixed her with a stare.

For a moment Siadra held his gaze. But when she nodded, she looked down and fixed her eyes on her lap.

“But if nothing you decide will change how you feel, then you should leave. If staying or going won’t make you feel any different, then you should take your child and go. If no decision you make makes a difference to you, then you should assume the least amount of risk for you and your daughter. The logic is straightforward, and you know it Siadra. You should go. No sense risking everything for no change… right?”

Si’Rek

Siadra felt as if she had been punched in the stomach. Without even noticing it, her hand unclenched and the glass slipped from her fingers. Her head started to spin and she pushed herself to her feet. Stumbling backwards, she tried to put some distance between herself and Si’Rek. Leave his quarters even. But all she manged to do was trip over her own feet and land on her behind on the floor of his quarters.

~Siadra

Si’Rek was on his feet and by her side in a moment. “Easy… easy… I’ve got you.” he said as he knelt down and put his arms under her and lifted her off the floor. He carried her over and laid her on the bed. “Easy, Siadra… easy… breathe… just breathe for a moment… did you know Kialeni got panic attacks? She did… first time really caught me off guard. But she managed them really well… but even the most robust will succumb when the pressure is just too much. Just like the hull of a ship. Oh, it will take a beating… but too much all at once? She’ll pop open faster than a corset on a Rigelian burlesque dancer.” and he looked at her and smiled slightly. The mere thought of Si’Rek at a burlesque show would bring tears of laughter to anyone who knew the polite and fastidious Engineer.

Si’Rek

At first Siadra tried to struggle, but she quickly gave up and let Si’Rek carry her to the bed. The moment he put her down, she sat up and hugged her knees as tightly to her chest she could. To hold herself together and also to protect herself. Her ears were ringing and she felt suddenly numb. Of course she knew that Leni got panic attacks sometimes and that she had been able to handle them very well. How could she not know? They had been married after all! Part of her was angry with Si’Rek. For asking that question and for what he had said before. At the same time his words had hit home. Amplified the negative opinion she had of herself and the emotions that came with it. Shame and guilty mostly. But also fear. And then there was this tiny, barely audible voice inside her head that whispered that he was only trying to help. Among all that his comment about the burlesque dancer hadn’t even registered. Instead she was rocking slightly backwards and forwards while she tried to calm down and find her voice again.

~Siadra

Si’rek sat with her in silence… just as he had that time with Kialeni inside the Jeffries Tube for over three hours. He didn’t touch her, didn’t try to force her to relax… he just let her be. Let her ride through the turmoil until her inner sea of emotions and thought stopped roiling and tossing her ship of self about and she could find her footing again.

Si’Rek, Friend

After a very long time tears started to roll silently down her cheeks and it was several long minutes later that Siadra finally spoke. “I can’t leave Si’Rek, even though it probably would be the best choice with regard to Liara. But I swore an oath and everyone on board is counting on me. What kind of role model would I be for my daughter if I just up and left? That leaves me with two choices. Both make me feel anxious and so sick to the stomach. I wish so much that Leni was here and we could find a solution together,” she whispered, her voice quivering and barely audible while her gaze was fixed on the covers of his bed.

~Siadra


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