Posted Oct. 6, 2021, 7:15 a.m. by Commander Siadra Enai (Executive Officer) (Silke Fahl)
Posted by Lieutenant Commander Si’Rek (Chief Operations Officer) in Side Sim - Questions and Concerns
Posted by Commander Siadra Enai (Executive Officer) in Side Sim - Questions and Concerns
Posted by Lieutenant Commander Si’Rek (Chief Operations Officer) in Side Sim - Questions and Concerns
Posted by… suppressed (9) by the Post Ghost! 👻(snip)
A crease appeared between her eyebrows as Siadra turned her head to look at Si’Rek. “Didn’t you say the exact opposite a moment ago?” she asked confusedly. “Regarding my demeanour, I mean.” Letting her head drop backwards against the wall, she looked up towards the ceiling and added, “And for the record: I know that neither my approach nor my demeanour have been flawless. Both in general and today in particular.”
~Siadra
Si’Rek chuckled and said “No, I said we need you to be flawless… at least as much as you can be. In [public, anyway. After all you are only Betazoid and Trill. If you had some Takaren blood, then you would be much closer. But alas… only I am cursed with such perfection.” and he chuckled again softly.
Si’Rek
“You are confusing me, Si’Rek,” Siadra replied as the frown on her face grew even deeper. Leaning forward, she wrapped her arms tighter around her legs and rested her forehead on her knees. She was not only still all over the place emotionally, but she was also starting to feel a little sick. She really shouldn’t have gotten drunk!
~Siadra
Si’Rek shook his head and said “Never mind… let’s focus on helping you physically, shall we?” and he stood up and went to the replicator. It took him a bit longer than normal and two tries, but soon he brought back a tall glass with a cloudy, bubbly drink in it. “Here. Human remedy, but it’s effective. I learned it from a Human ambassador to the Klingons. Takes away the headache and nausea, helps settle the stomach.” and he handed her the glass.
Si’Rek
Lifting her head, Siadra reached for the glass. “Thanks,” she replied softly before taking a tentative sip. It wasn’t something she ever had before and she wasn’t sure if it was going to be something she’d drink regularly, but it definitely wasn’t bad. After taking another small sip, she asked, “What is this?”
~Siadra
“Carbonated water, citrus, and ginger. Now drink…” Si’Rek said softly but firmly. “Small sips.” he added before moving to a chair and looking down at her.
Her lips slightly pursed, Siadra took another small sip.
“So let me ask you this… do you think we would be asked to this if it wasn’t terribly important?”
Si’Rek
“I know how important this mission is,” Siadra retorted and almost glared at Si’Rek. “If not I would be packing my bags now and stay behind once we reach the station instead of trying to find a way to to do my duties, do what I feel and know is the right thing to do and protect my daughter as best as I can. And yes, I know I can’t wrap her in bubble wrap and protect her from life.”
~Siadra
Si’Rek’s head cocked to the side slightly and he said “If you know all of that… then why are you conflicted?”
Si’Rek
A muscle twitched in Siadra’s as she looked at Si’Rek. “Can you really not understand? You know me better than anyone on this ship. I thought -” There was a hint of anger in her voice, but also pain. But she didn’t want to fight or push him away. Again. So she just shook her head and didn’t finish that sentence.
~Siadra
Si’Rek looked at her and said “I understand… but do you? Do you see that you are spinning yourself in circles and that that is hindering you? Or are you so caught up in the fear of what may happen that you can’t take the next step? Either way… you are setting yourself up to be a step behind.” He stood up and moved to the center of the room and looked down at her.
She didn’t know what to say, if there even was anything to say, so Siadra just looked up at Si’Rek in silence.
“You know what you are going to do. You know why you are going to do it. And you know that she will be as safe as she possibly can be. But here you sit… wallowing in fear and trying to convince yourself that you really should leave because that would be the best choice for your daughter… knowing full well that you are not going to let your daughter see you run away… again. So now you have to realize… for yourself… that you are going to stay and do your duty and do the best to make sure we all live through this. You aren’t going to like it. You aren’t going to be excited. And no where does it say you have to. No one says you can’t be scared of what could come. But you cannot let that fear control you… again.” He crossed his arms on his chest and stared at her.
If she hadn’t been sitting with her back against a wall, Siadra would have moved further away from Si’Rek. His words hurt. And she wanted to tell him that what he said wasn’t true. But she knew he was right. Even though she didn’t want to admit it right now. So she dropped her gaze, certain that there was more to come.
“We loved you. We loved Kialeni. And we… those that loved you both… watched you drive yourself into darkness and throw us all away so you could be alone with your grief. So you could be scared of what the future held… without her. But right here and now you are starting to do that just in case something happens. And I love you, Siadra… but I don’t have to and I simply cannot watch you do that again. Especially not in my own room.” and he moved to the door and it slid open.
“Good evening, Commander. I hope you are able to rest. From the sounds of it, we will need us all to be at our best.” and he held his arm out towards the open door.
Si’Rek
While everything he had just said hurt a lot, it was the sudden use of her rank that made her feel as if she had been punched in the stomach, leaving her gasping for air as tears rolled down her cheeks. She knew she should leave, come back tomorrow and apologise. But she couldn’t move. She felt as if she had almost no control over her body any more. With her lips trembling, she whispered, “I’m sorry Si’Rek. You are right. You deserve better. I thought I was better, but I’m not. And I’m still a horrible friend, a horrible person.” Putting the glas carefully down next her, she somehow managed to push herself to her feet and using the wall for support she walked towards the door and unless Si’Rek stopped her out of his quarters and towards the turbolift.
~Siadra
An arms blocked the door and her path. “Yes, I am right. Yes, all of us deserve better from you. You are not a terrible person… but right now you are so blinded by fear you are being a terrible friend. So quit it. And be the friend I had… the one I need right now. Or don’t. That is up to you. If you want to be the first, come see me when you are. If you choose not to? I will see you when I am on duty, Commander.” and the arm dropped and a gentle but firm had guided her a step outside the door… which promptly slid closed.
Si’Rek
Her cheeks burning from shame and her shoulders weighed down with guilt, Siadra hurried towards the nearest turbolift. She hoped that it was late enough that no one would see her like this. Or else this already complicated and difficult situation would become even more so. Thankfully she got lucky and the moment the turbolift doors closed behind her, she locked them; needing a few moments to collect herself.
About fifteen minutes later Siadra slipped into her quarters. Liara was already asleep and after a brief conversation with the Ensign who had been babysitting, she walked into her bedroom and sent a message to one of her fellow counsellors on the Four Winds. Imogen O’Reily was not only a colleague, but had been her therapist these past several years. And while that therapist-client-relationship had officially ended when Siadra left the Four Winds, she needed to talk to a counsellor who knew her very well and whom she trusted blindly. And Lieutenant McMillan didn’t fit either category. Not yet anyway.
~Siadra
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