STF

The Next Day - Regrets and Apologies

Posted Oct. 7, 2021, 1:39 p.m. by Commander Siadra Enai (Executive Officer) (Silke Fahl)

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Si’Rek (Chief Operations Officer) in The Next Day - Regrets and Apologies

Posted by Commander Siadra Enai (Executive Officer) in The Next Day - Regrets and Apologies

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Si’Rek (Chief Operations Officer) in The Next Day - Regrets and Apologies
Posted by… suppressed (11) by the Post Ghost! 👻
It had been a short and restless night for Siadra and while she would have loved to crawl back into bed as soon as Liara had left for her classes, she knew that she couldn’t neglect her duties. And just as importantly: She needed to talk to Si’Rek and apologies and then take further steps to ensure something like last night wouldn’t happen again. So it was only a few minutes later that she stood in front of his quarters again and pressed the chime, hoping that he was still there. According to the duty roster he wasn’t on duty yet, but of course that didn’t necessarily mean that he was still in his quarters.

~Siadra

The door slid open and was filled by the large figure of Si’Rek, uncommonly out of uniform and wearing a voluminous robe of deep, dark crimson with a large collar. He looked down at Siadra and simply stepped to the side, his arm gesturing for her to enter and to be seated.

Without saying a word, Siadra stepped through the door and sat down at his desk again. Her head slightly bowed, light circles under her eyes, her cheeks crimson.

He didn’t say a word as she came in, he simply went to the replicator and came back with a pot of tea and two cups. He filled each, sat one cup near her and one on the other side of the desk, and sat down. He looked at her for a moment, then simply lifted the cup and took a drink.

Si’Rek

Lifting her gaze, Siadra said softly, “I’m sorry, Si’Rek, for what I said and did last night. For everything. I would take it all back, if I could. And I understand if you don’t trust me anymore. If you feel like we can’t be friends. But I hope that you’ll still spend time with Liara. For her sake. This mess is my fault after all.” She inhaled deeply and touched her index finger to the rim of her teacup as she continued, “I called Imogen last night. My therapist. We talked for a long time and made a plan how to continue from here. How to make sure I don’t slip further into the abyss again, but get my feed back on the ground instead. And I know that doesn’t undo any of what said and did last night and I have to live with those consequences.”

~Siadra

Si’Rek remained silent for a long time, sipping tea and just looking at Siadra. After a few minutes, he set the cup aside and clasped his hands before him on the desk and looked her directly in the eyes. “Siadra… wishing for something you cannot provide is folly and a waste of time. I appreciate you wanting to take it back, I do. But as you said… you cannot. So we will set that want adrift to float away. And I never said I do not trust you… I actually trust you very much. But you seem not to trust yourself, and that is a very large problem under these circumstances. I am glad you reached out for help. That is much different than… well… before. I never said I wasn’t your friend… I said you need to decide if you are mine. And thinking I would choose to not see Liara is utterly ridiculous… and honestly a bit insulting. I adore her… and you. But you need to recognize that… and accept that you as my friend have an obligation to take care of yourself for me. Just as I need to care for myself in order to be there for you. Because only then can we be in a position to accept such friendship without being selfish and self-centered. Does that make sense to you?”

Si’Rek

“I’m sorry, Si’Rek. I didn’t mean to insult you. I don’t know what I was thinking. I know you adore her and will always be a part of her life,” Siadra replied, her cheeks turning an even darker shade of red. “And yes, what you just said does make sense. As a counsellor I have told countless people similar things. And I’m obviously not very good at following my own advice. I will do my best to do better, again, from now on. And yes, I do want to be your friend. I care a lot about you. More than I can say. I’m really sorry I hurt you, Si’Rek. Can you forgive me?” Moving her hand away from her tea cup, she stretched out her arm so that her hand was resting in the middle of the desk, palm up, an invitation for Si’Rek to take it, if he wanted to.

~Siadra

A large gray-blue-green mottled hand settled onto hers and squeezed softly. “You only hurt me by hurting yourself. And my forgiveness comes when you forgive yourself and start learning to live your life again. Until then, expect me to quite resolute in calling you out on your wallowing in the past.” and he smiled softly at her.

Si’Rek

Siadra returned the gentle squeeze and some of the tension she had held in her body seemed to leave her. “Thank you Si’Rek. You are a better friend than I deserve. And yes, please call me out on it and if you can: Don’t let me push you away again,” she replied softly while looking him deeply in the eyes. The next moment she started chewing slightly on her lower lip as she dropped her gaze and looked at their hands instead.

~Siadra

“You are thinking something, Siadra… what is it?” Si’Rek asked with a smile. “I do know you well enough to know that you chew your lip when you you want to say something but are… trepidatious… about speaking it out loud.”

Si’Rek

A sightly awkward and nervous laugh bubbled up from Siadra’s chest and she slightly shook her head. “You know me too well, my friend,” she replied a little sheepishly before continuing a bit more seriously, “It’s a few things, actually. But I have a question for you first: I would like to tell you what Imogen and I have talked about. Not about what happened, you were there. But about how to move forward, get my sh%t together again. Is that okay? And yes, it’s perfectly fine to say no. I understand, if you do.”

~Siadra

Si’rek inclined his head slightly and said “You are always welcome to tell me what is on your mind. And if I can ever help, you need but ask. So…” and he squeezed her hand and then leaned back as he let go and picked up his tea, “… tell me what this Imogen had to say.”

Si’Rek

“Well, among other things she - just like you - called me out on my behaviour. And then we talked about what to do now. Of course it would be best if I had regular sessions with Lieutenant McMillan and I’m certain he is a good counsellor. I just …” Siadra tilted her head to the side and frowned slightly. “It hasn’t … clicked … so to speak … between us. At least not for me. And I think it’s just a matter of getting to know each other better, but right now I need a therapist I feel fully comfortable with, someone I can trust completely. And right now that isn’t him. So at least as long as possible I will talk to her. Not about the mission of course. I’m not a complete idiot. And really, my reaction and behaviour yesterday was only partly because of our mission. It just brought a lot of things back to the surface. So we are going to talk about those things. Again. I will also talk to Dr. Senek and will ask to get back on anti-anxiety medication. Get my head back above the water so I can breath, focus and use my coping skills.” Uncertainty was written all over her face as she talked. Dropping her gaze again, she asked hesitantly, “What do you think? And can I ask you for a favour?”

~Siadra

“I think any plan to move forward is a good plan at this juncture. And you may always ask. I may not be able to provide what you need, but I will always do my best for you.”

Si’Rek

Siadra gave his hand another squeeze as she looked Si’Rek in the eyes again. “You are a much better friend than I deserve. Thank you, Si’Rek,” she replied and then took a deep breath before continuing, “Imogen asked me to give her the name of someone aboard she can call if she checks in on me and I don’t reply within four hours. It’s a very standard safety plan thing and I would like to give her your name, if that is okay for you. Can you continue to call me out when I behave similar to last night? And when possible, can we try and do something together regularly? Like taking Liara to the holodeck and do something fun to get our mind off things?”

~Siadra

Si’Rek smiled and said “You may of course give her my name. I would also like your permission to contact her if I think you may be in distress. And I would always be willing to spend time with you and Liara… or even just you. I know you are a mother, and a fine one at that… but sometimes you will need to be just you. And if I can help, just ask. How does that sound?”

Si’Rek

Returning his smile, Siadra rose to her feet and let go of his hand. Only to walk over to him and wrap her arms around his neck while placing a light kiss on his cheek. “Thank you, Si’Rek. And of course you can contact her any time,” she whispered.

~Siadra


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