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Talking With the Intel Chief

Posted Dec. 6, 2023, 4:42 p.m. by Commander Shara Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) (Lindsay B)

Posted by Captain Sara Kiernan (Commanding Officer) in Talking With the Intel Chief

Posted by Commander Shara Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Talking With the Intel Chief

Posted by Captain Sara Kiernan (Commanding Officer) in Talking With the Intel Chief
Posted by… suppressed (4) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Shara smirked. “I’m probably the worst person to ask unless you’re looking for an unconventional place where you may or may not get into trouble. I never was one for vacations, and have a terrible track record for even taking them. The only reason I can now is that I married someone with lovely land on Earth to explore and no one around for ages to bother us unless we want to be.”

“Now that sounds like R&R well used.” Sara said with a smile. “Might have to rent a cabin in the middle of nowhere.”

“It’s definitely not a bad way to go.”

She inhaled deeply. “You know, I have been debating about making a stop after Earth. My elder daughter said she’d go with me, so it might make it okay if Micah can’t make it the whole time, but I’m still not sure.” Shara frowned. “I have unfinished business back on the colony I was was born and raised on. Unpleasant business. A part of me just wants to shove it out an airlock and move on with my life, but my brother reminded me that I might regret it.”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

“I don’t know what this business is, but oftentimes, most times, these things turn out better if you deal with them directly. Even though shoving them out an airlock might bring a certain satisfaction. And hey, if you’re not going alone, it might not be as bad as you expect.”

-CO

Shara snorted. “My alcoholic and abusive father is dying from his own stupidity and my brother thinks I should go and get closure.” She tried to disguise the disgust in her voice, but it was no use. She knew there was wisdom in Gavin’s suggestion, but she was trying to figure out if it would do her more harm than good in the long run.

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Bump

Sara sighed and nodded. She didn’t know that particular hurt, but she knew its relatives. “Closure is one of those things that’s so easy to see as a waste of time to get. But if you don’t, he gets more of your brain. While you wonder if seeing death approach on the horizon changed him somehow. A little bit of closure goes a long way, Shara.”

-CO

“You’re not wrong. My daughter Faye and I had this when I was on the Manhattan with her and we held a wake for those that the Dominion killed on Tracken, including my husband. I never really had the chance to grieve with others who knew the same people. I never thought I’d have the chance. But that was different. I’ve gone almost fifty years never seeing or talking to the man. I owe him nothing and there’s nothing I want from him.” But was that true? She frowned ever so slightly and sighed. “At least I don’t think so. Honestly Sara I’ve spent most of life just forgetting he existed. But ever since Micah came into my life, all these threads keep being pulled out, brought to light. So maybe it is time, but only if my mental health is steady. I don’t need him triggering me worse than I already have been lately.”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

“There’s only so long you can not deal with something before it becomes a problem in its own right.” Sara hadn’t expected to end up close with her Intel Chief, but she considered Shara her friend and at that moment it seemed like she needed to help her. “For a long time you were buried so deep in the Intel world it’s impossible to focus in any meaningful way on anything else. Being stationed on… what was supposed to be a normal fleet ship. I guess that hasn’t quite worked out to plan. But being posted here, you finally have the chance to feel some of the stuff you’ve been through.”

-CO

She nodded rather slowly, but Shara was truly considering Sara’s words. “I’ve been through a lot of stuff and I know it’s a battlecruiser worth of baggage I’ve been working through, but my father…” Shara inhaled sharply. “It cuts differently. I was a kid, barely old enough to take care of myself. Our mom had died four years earlier during the Terrellian plague that swept our colony. He had always been gruff and a bit mean, but his drinking and behaviour got a lot worse after she died. I was sixteen when he actually hit me for the first time. But he didn’t know I was pregnant. Neither did my brother. And knowing that I was not safe around him and that he didn’t treat my brother the way he did me, I left. I had the baby elsewhere and after a month I gave her up for adoption because I was not ready to be a mom and I didn’t have the means. I wanted to keep her so badly, Sara, but it would have been selfish because I knew I wasn’t ready to give any child the life they deserved.”

“So… the stuff with my father isn’t just about my father. It’s all of it from my childhood. And maybe you’re right, maybe now is the time. Or at least once we’re running more standard operations.” Shara leaned forward. “But do you understand now? Why I am struggling so hard? I spent so long in the shadows that the light is terrifying and shining that light on all the hurts requires strength I don’t know I can summon while also keeping my symptoms at bay for the sake of the mission. I can’t do it all. So I have to choose: be the functional and skilled officer you need right now, or be a whole person. I can’t be both. Not yet.”

~Shara Calloway


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