Posted by Lieutenant Casela Synthi-er (Counsellor / RTF) in Finding a Safe Haven

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Ryder Raauhl (Executive Officer) in Finding a Safe Haven

Posted by Lieutenant Casela Synthi-er (Counsellor / RTF) in Finding a Safe Haven
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻
(snip)

For someone who was always so hyper-vigilant and aware, Casela barely registered the movement of someone else in the room. She was sitting on the couch, hugging her knees to her chest. Her eyes staring off and her breath irregular. It was obvious she wasn’t really concerned with the room around her. She registered the glass breaking as it hit the floor, and she absently made note not to step in it. She heard him shout her name in surprise. She hadn’t meant to startle him. She didn’t even register his lack of clothing. She knew why she’d come here, she trusted him. “My scars hurt, Ryder.”
Lt. Synthi-er

“Your scars?” He asked kneeling down and picking up the glass pieces, he supposed it was lucky it was so dark in the room else he may have first grabbed a towel to cover himself. “Could it be a traumatic memory induced pain?” He asked a different question this time. He knew about her scars, and while he didn’t doubt she was in some form of pain physical or mental was yet to be determined.

• LtCmdr Raauhl, XO

She nods, “They shouldn’t hurt anymore.” It had been almost 11 years. They shouldn’t hurt anymore. From that point outside of herself she processed his next question and she recognized he was right. She should have figured that out herself. Her voice is low and her response slow in coming, “Fey used me like a lab rat when she operated on my ribs. And then restrained me to the bio bed for 6 hours.” She pauses letting her thoughts become clear first. “The anesthesia confused me. I didn’t realize where I was when I woke up.”
Lt. Synthi-er, CNS

His face turned into a confused frown, the ships doctor was peculiar but accusing her of using Casela as a lab rat was certainly to him out of character, “What do you mean?” This was the first time he had heard about what exactly had happened, to his knowledge she had surgery and her ribs were now fixed but 6 hours restrained, he wondered if it was because Casela had reacted badly to the treatment either physically or mentally.

• Lieutenant Cmdr Raauhl, XO

“She gave me options,” there is something a little off in her tone, “for fixing my ribs. I see now that she worded them in such a way to ensure I picked the option she wanted. I trusted her,” there is a lot of self loathing here, “She waited till I was just about under to inform me that the procedure mostly worked, and that the last 4 people she tried it on had actually survived, and she had no reason to think I wouldn’t.” Her gaze focuses on him briefly and then she looks away again. “She told me it would be 6 hours recovery, I would have laid there on my own. I guess she felt a full body restraint was better. I asked her to remove them, but she wouldn’t,” well, the captain had asked for her when he came to yell at her. “I can’t stand to be restrained like that. Mad man and his doctor did that to me.” One hand is tracing the line of a scar across her shoulder, the other is clenched in a fist. “I’m not handling it well.” Which was a huge understatement for how she felt at the moment.
Lt. Synthi-er, CNS

“I was unaware, probably just as well because I don’t think I would have handled it as well as the Captain.” The main thing Raauhl had to remind himself however was that as much as he wanted to Casela wasn’t his to protect, she was her own individual and could more than truly handle herself. “I am not a counsellor and though I often have much to say when we have our little rendevous I am a little lost for what to say. I’m sorry.”

• Lt Cmdr Raauhl, XO

Casela could hear his thought and though she’d never allow him to ‘protect’ her, her life was too uncertain for that, the sentiment touched her. She shook her head at his appology. Sometimes words were the last thing needed. “There were three of us, all fresh operatives, our first mission. We thought we were invincible. It was an easy enough assignment; we were simply to integrate into the colony and listen and report back. But we were discovered, the other two, Shane and Hollis, died. The explosion came out of no where, it was small, but enough to create panic. Shane took two hits to his chest, Hollis, he stumbled into one of the shooters, disoriented from the concussive blast, and took a hit, point blank. I remember getting hit, in the shoulder. I woke up, strapped to a table.” She pauses, lost to the shock of those first hours. “They wanted information, that I didn’t have. The doctor was very careful to not inflict deadly damage, unless Mad Man got mad. Then, it didn’t matter.” She looks over at him, registering his lack of clothing, but unbothered by it. She felt more vulnerable in the memories than any lack of clothing could cause. “Six months and each day was like a life time.”
Lt. Synthi-er, CNS

“That sounds horrible, beyond horrible.” He said sitting silently for a few minutes before adding, “I am sorry you had to go through that, nobody should ever have to go through something quiet as horrific.” Ryder knew she wouldn’t want his sympathy or his pity but he did feel terrible, how could other humanoids impose so much suffering onto another life from, it was beyond his capability of thinking.

• Lt Cmdr Rauuhl, XO

She knew what made people do those things: Hatred, fear, but mostly a lust for power. She looks at him, into his eyes, brown and blue that swirled together. She looks haunted and incredibly sad. “They never came. The backup team. They never came, left me there with them. Even told my parents I was dead. I died in a horrible shuttle accident. Pilot error as the official record goes. It’s still in there if you go all the way out to the first level security clearance levels.” She fidgets with her necklace quietly for a few minutes. “About 5 and half months in, I guess, Mad Man decided he was tired of torturing me. He liked beautiful things, so rather than kill me he decided to keep me. That meant that the doctor had to let me heal. And why the scars don’t reach past my clothes. I had to be-flawless, but he wanted me to remember.” She laughs darkly, “He was strange, Mad, crazy. He didn’t like women, but he wanted his associates to think he did. They were all slaves, but he never touched us, never let anyone else either.” She shrugs that part wasn’t really important. “They forgot I was Betazoid.” The word sounds dark and terrifying like she’s naming some demon. “I blew that compound to the 9th level of Dante’s hell on my way out, or I tried to. I hid, gods, it seemed like weeks. It couldn’t have been that long though. I stowed away on a freighter and eventually found my way to the Centurion, a hospital ship. The only wounds that were healed were the ones on my exposed arms and lower legs. The rest were....Well the rest weren’t.”

This was why she didn’t trust anyone, why she never had anyone to cover her ‘six,’ why she was always armed. It kept her alive and kept her safe. She hoped he understood what she was trying to tell him. For a counselor she didn’t have the words to convey it. Not right now, maybe later. Her past ensured she trusted no one but herself, relied on no one but herself. But in her trauma induced distress she’d chosen to come here, to his quarters, to him. Because whether she realized it or not she trusted him and here beside him there was a modicum of safety.
Casela

“It explains a lot” he said trying to smile, but finding the meaning behind the smile lost to him. He knew she could read his mind and that he felt sorry for her, angry at those who attacked her and in a way glad that she was able to finally tell him, opening up must be difficult for her, he didn’t need to be a betazoid to know that. “They got what they deserve and you now have a second chance, I cant even begin to imagine what it was like but thankyou for opening up.” He leaned in and kissed her, “And there’s nothing they could have done to destroy your beauty, you’re beautiful both inside and out, even if your interior can be sometimes shrouded in shadow.”

• Lt Cmdr Raauhl, XO