Posted by Lieutenant Casela Synthi-er (Counsellor / RTF) in Defend - From the Depths of Turpitude

(snip)

(OOC: Defend by Any Means: https://www.star-fleet.com/core/stf1/leviathan/posts/140448/)
(OOC: Defend - Rho Pupis: https://www.star-fleet.com/core/stf1/leviathan/posts/139948/)
Vision 1

She opened her eyes, she was lying on her side in a semi-fetal position. She didn’t recognize the room. It was Federation in design, muted blues and greys, curved edges instead of corners. The orientation was wrong. She was facing the door, but in her quarters she’d be on her right side, not her left. She saw movement out of the corner of her eye, and nothing moved except her eyes, snapping to focus on it. Dr. Thomas Kidd?

“You’re finally awake. I’ve been worried. Dr. Knox expected you to be awake two days ago.” She was confused, why was Knox worried, why was he talking about himself as another person? She started to sit up but found she was dizzy. Some else was in the room, her eyes snapped to the wall directly across from her. Ryder

He crossed the room and hunkered down by the bed, near her face. “Hey, slow down, baby. Let me help.” Baby? She looked around, expecting to see…but some instinct stopped her from forming a clear thought about Gen. It was important that she NOT think about her. Instead she let Ryder help prop her up. She cleared her throat coughing a couple times. “Thirsty,” was all she was able to rasp out. Kidd left and she took stock of the room again. If this was their room where were their things? Why was it flip-flopped? Kidd came back and held the glass to her mouth. Ryder took from him, his eyes filled with hatred as he looked at Kidd/Knox. She must have been extremely sick. Did the doctor do something? Ryder didn’t dote on her like that. He always made her feel cherished, but not spoiled. It’s not that he wouldn’t but she didn’t feel like she’d been that sick. She sniffed the water, old habits, but it smelled clean. The way Ryder was acting toward Kidd/Knox made her suspicious. “You are always so paranoid, Lt. It’s clean.” Kidd said, but Ryder took a sip. She sipped at the water this time when Ryder offered it to her. “Where am I? These aren’t our quarters.”

Kidd shrugged, “The doctor thought you’d feel better not waking up in sickbay so this is a recovery room.” Dr. Knox was worried I hadn’t woken up but he put me in a recovery room where he doesn’t have eyes on me 24/7? Why is he talking about himself like that? She tried to think past the confusion. But all it brought was extreme pain that had her screaming. After a few moments it passed.

“Easy. Dr Knox said there might be some headache from being sedated for so long. Remember?” Kidd’s voice was condescending. Ryder’s arm came up in her peripheral vision towards her hair as he brushed it aside. She moved, lightning reflexes grabbing his wrist with an iron grip, she hated her hair touched like that. He knew that. He knew Mad Man used to do that to her. Now he would start at her arm, running his hand up, across her shoulder, past her neck, to her cheek, and then to her hair. She didn’t startle that way, she knew exactly where his hand was. She didn’t startle, and he didn’t end up with a broken wrist. Sedated? Her ribs, she’d had surgery on her ribs, but something went wrong. That didn’t make sense. Her voice snapped as she focused on Kidd, “If Knox was worried I’d been asleep two days longer than I should, why was he keeping me sedated?” Kidd blinked at her, dumbly, no response, no movement, no intelligence in his eyes. Then he looked at her, “You were having a bad dream, you were muttering something about Romulans. I think you had better tell me.”

Ryder tugged on her hand where she’d grabbed him, “Don’t look at him, look at me. He’s lying to you.” Casela turned to look at him, he wasn’t quite right, and then he was holding her wrist instead of the other way around. He was squeezing her wrist painfully hard and jerking at her. “Don’t you understand?” Ryder didn’t act like that. This was NOT Ryder “Who are you?!” she launched herself at him, the only weapon she had being herself, but she was sure that was more than adequate. And then the pain again, robbing her of breath and sight, and then oblivion.

---

“That was less than 10 minutes. What went wrong?” A female voice, like black ice, you see it but you don’t know how deadly it is until you’re on it.

“I didn’t have enough detail. There must have been too many discrepancies, and she picked up on them. But we’ve never used this device on a Betazoid before. I need to scan more of her memory to make the images more detailed.” Another female voice, younger but analytical.

“You have 24 hours and we try again. Do not disappoint me.”
Lt Synthi-er, CNS

Vision 2
She was sitting in the captain’s ready room again. “Lt., I will bust you down to En if you don’t tell me what’s going on!” Casela sighed, “Look Cpt.” she spat out, “I get it; you don’t like not knowing, well it’s above even your pay grade. You can bust me down or whatever you call it, but I don’t answer to you.”

“We’ve been out here patrolling for two years. You come and go as you please. I. Want. Answers. Or maybe you want more time in the brig?”

Casela shrugged and she didn’t care. Her next assignment would come in and the captain would have to let her out. He didn’t like her uncaring attitude. She’d been late to meet the ship and they’d had to wait for her. She was meeting the Opa….no don’t think the name. But it had come for the children. She’d sit in the brig for the children. The baby, a little girl, was the most concerning. She would have left Triton to sit a month to make sure she had survived. She would protect them even at her own cost.

She was sitting in a cell in the Brig. “The Romulans! What do you know?” Casela sighed, “Same thing you do captain.” She spat the word. She supposed she pushed his buttons. But he knew enough from command to know she couldn’t tell him.

“Lt Raauhl is here to see you.” She didn’t even move- Noa had come to gloat again. It bugged him no end that they couldn’t keep her there and that she acted like being in the brig was just a 5 star vacation. “Look at me.” She shrugged and dropped the arm that was over her eyes and looked over at the cell opening…but he was inside. Ryder He knelt down at her side, he was only wearing shorts. What was he doing in the brig in his shorts? He took her hand and held it. “Hey, I finally got you locked in a brig. I’m going to cook. What do you want?” She laughed, she was in the brig and he was going to cook? “You know my favorite.” He turned away and came back with a plate. It was not Bourguignon. It was…field rations? He took her hand again and leaned in close, whispering to her, professional things, intimate things, anything to keep her attention on him.

“What do you know about the Romulans?” It was the captain again, but Ryder was still there, in nothing but shorts, in the brig cell with her. He whispered, “It won’t matter what you tell him, it won’t stop.”

She looked at the captain, which was hard because Ryder kept moving, blocking her view of him. “They are patrolling the border, out here settling new colonies. They are mostly just families trying to…”

“Mostly but not all! What do you know?! They’re out there breeding, having offspring and colonizing. It’s disgusting, what do you know?” She opened her mouth to answer him.

Ryder gripped her hand hard, painfully so. “Look. At. Me.” she looked at him, he took her hand and placed it against his side. She began to run her hand absently over his spots…there was something wrong with his spots, a whole part was missing…from where he was shot? No that was the other side, his spots were fine, or supposed to be. This was NOT Ryder, “Who are you?!” she launched herself at him, the only weapon she had being herself, but she was sure that was more than adequate. And then the pain again, robbing her of breath and sight, and then oblivion.

---

“What happened this time?”
“The device is too much she’s seizing. I need to work slower or it will all be for nothing.”
“Fine, get her prepped to be moved to the ship. We’ll continue the work there. Her screaming is starting to attract attention.”
Lt Synthi-er S31

Vision 3
Casela looked up from where she was digging in the dirt, utta berry bushes. Was she back on Betazed? She looked around and on the next row over there was Ch’otok planting his vegetables like he did every year, but why was he planting utta berry bushes? They would never survive in this climate. It was too dry, utta berries needed the humid and wet environment of a tropical climate. She continued to dig, creating a bowl in the ground, adding the dark rich loam from the old fashioned wheelbarrow he’d parked next to her. Then she lifted the tiny bush, unwrapped the roots and set it into the ground. She didn’t have the skill to care for them, but if she followed Ch’otok’s instructions she did okay. Besides it would be his job to make sure they survived, not hers. She continued working, the work repetitive and simple, but it felt good to feel the soil on her hands, and the sun on her back. “Tell me again why you are planting utta berries?”
Ch’otok looked up from where he was working, and his gaze looked strange somehow. Not quite right, like she couldn’t focus on it. “Because, my bright light, I would do anything to make you happy.” Casela laughed, “Turning poet now are we, Golden Boy?” She chucked a rock at him, and though he turned aside, the rock missing, he didn’t catch it, and that was….odd. Nor did he scowl and threaten her at the use of that hideous nick name she’d given him.

---

”She’s fighting with the altered memory again. I don’t understand, all the data said she should be very attached to him.”

“If you mess up again…”

---

She woke up in her bed in Ch’otok’s hut. She sat up and looked around. It was quiet and it was night. She got up searching the house and, not finding him, she left and began to wander the woods, following the trails that he liked to walk when the memories became too much. The moon over the land cast a silver glow. She checked around the house, but found no sound indicating he was working nearby. The fields were empty, still, and the earth holding its breath, waiting for the first signs of new life. Seeds, baby plants, waiting to break from the darkness and warmth of the soil. Casela knelt at the top of an aisle and touched the dirt, she would never tell him, but she did find a certain peace in the work. A low rumble sounded behind her and she turned, quickly, ready to spring. “Ah Bengwl’, always ready to fight. It makes my blood run hot.” He bent down grabbing her by the upper arms. She was confused by his behavior, but often Ch’otok would act oddly when he was missing Rutresh and Tonjal. He leaned towards her…he was going to kiss her! Was he drunk? She dodged to the side and he laughed, she didn’t like the sound of that. She tried to ‘read’ him to figure out what had happened. But there was nothing there…almost like a hologram…and pain immense pain…and blackness

---

“I don’t understand, the memory ingrams show a deep attachment to this person.” the analytical voice spoke.

“And your evidence for that?” Cold deadly ice froze everything around it.

“There are many chemical markers indicating such an attachment. Her memories attach the word Bengwl’ to the image of this man. It means beloved.”

The voice went even deeper and colder, “And did you check the inflection of this word against the language database or did you hurry. Your. work!” There was a heavy deadly silence. And the word, repeated from scanned memories played over and over. “You idiot! It means brother! That is her brother!”

---

The blind was dark and not even their breath disturbed the air. Crickets and night animals continued to move unhindered. The mansion lay in ruins beneath them, a bottle of blood wine shared between them. “It was a good day for them to die.” Ch’otok’s voice rumbled low in the dark around them. The previous days had taken a toll on her and her health and the state of her mind. There was always pain, there had been more since Knox…no Knox was, Casela looked around this was 12 years ago, Knox was on…on another ship. She pushed the name away, her resistance created pain. “It had to be done, but I will take the guilt to my grave.” She repeated the words she’d said to him so many years ago.

“What did you learn? You must tell me. What did the Romulans say? You took their thoughts. What did you learn?”

“Ch’otok this isn’t a joke. There were no Romulans there.” She rubbed her head, no wait, there were…a large room. “They…yes I’m sorry I’m tired, confused, Ch’otok. I fear the effect the work has on me. Many on my world didn’t survive.” He grunted, “TELL ME!” She owed him that, honor demanded he know, Rutresh, Tonjal he had a right to know what they had done to his wife and child. His child, of his and Rutresh’s blood, was, is, his greatest pride. She rubbed at her head, trying to make sense of it. Then she was in a large room, crouched, hidden in the rafters, listening. Women, five Romulan woman, talking.

Casela swayed in the chair she was confined to. “F…five women, robes…like…like a holy order. sickness…

A hand on her shoulder, she turns quietly expecting Ch’otok, but it’s not. Ryder He knelt beside her, his hand starting at her arm, running his hand up, across her shoulder, past her neck, to her cheek, and then to her hair, brushing it aside. “Shhh…” He leaned in and kissed her, slowly. She shook her head no. This was dangerous, he had to stop, they weren’t careful …he died, they weren’t careful and he died. It was her fault. Tears tracked down her face. “Don’t cry,” his voice soothed her but would never take the guilt away. He brushed her face dry, “I won’t tell.” She leaned away after he kissed her again, and looked at him. “It’s not right.”

He shook his head, “No it’s not right that the woman I love is crying,” and kissed her again. She reached for his hand but he pulled away and so did she. That wasn’t right, he always held her hand and the other he would hold her tightly around the waist. She looked at him confused. His SPOTS they were WRONG. She’d stared for hours at his spots. She could draw them in her sleep, the pattern was wrong. This was NOT Ryder, “Who are you?!” she launched herself at him, the only weapon she had being herself, but she was sure that was more than adequate. And then the pain again, robbing her of breath and sight, and then oblivion.
Lt Synthi-er, S31

Vision 4

Casela awoke suddenly, it was cold, like ice and a smell….it made her gag and her stomach rebel. It was hints of cedar and isopropyl alcohol….aftershave….liqueur…And a hint of….something metallic….blood. She tried to roll to expel the bile and vomit fighting it’s way out before she choked on it, only to find she couldn’t move. Fey? Fey was operating on her again? No this didn’t smell like sickbay….slowly her mind cleared, the cold, it wasn’t just cool to prevent infection, it was icy, cold to the point of burning. The smell…that distinctive scent mixed with the smell of old blood in the room. Her eyes snapped open in realization of where she was and who was in the room with her.

The laugh came next, deep and resonating, but the telltale sound of a rattle snake’s rattle within it. It set the nerves off, not like nails on a chalkboard, but that deep primal pulsating that triggers the body’s fight or flight response. But she could neither fight nor fly. His visage appeared above her face, mere inches away but it might as well have been miles for all the ability she had to fight back. She felt his hand, fingers simply trailing across skin and tracing the scars on her abdomen. “You will always bare my marks, Precious. I told you you would always belong to me. So let’s remind you, hmmm? The good doctor can’t be with us. That wasn’t very nice of you to leave the way you did. There was very little of him left. I know he would have loved to be here right now.”

Mad Man. He wasn’t dead, Section had lied. She’d always suspected but had never had the chance to find out. Her parents? Juliet? Did he know about them? Leviathan? No she had to stop thinking, she couldn’t think about any of them. How did she get here? She struggled to recall the memory. But the more she tried to remember the more blinding the pain became.

“No, no my dear. You don’t get to go away into that pretty little head of yours, you are going to stay here with me.” He held a blade in front of her face. Razor sharp and thin, it would never be strong enough to go deep…it was meant to cause pain. The blade looked dry to her, no poisons then, just pain. More pain. “Let us see if you remember, hmmm? How long will it take you to sing for me, Precious?” Casela clenched her teeth breathing short insufficient breaths in and out through her nose. She’d be damned if she screamed for him.

How long had it been? Hours, days, or minutes. It was all endless, marked only by the increase or fading of the pain. “Sing precious and I’ll stop. Sing to me about….Romulans. Yes I want a song about Romulans.” Romulans? No Mad Man didn’t care about Romulans. He wanted to know about Star Fleet Intelligence, their work near…near…she couldn’t remember, the pain made her forget. She gritted her teeth against another cut. Shane? Hollis? Were they really dead? Had they had to endure this too? Mad Man began to touch her hair, “Sing my dear.” She made herself breathe. She got away, she knew she had. Why was she here again? Romulans? “Compu…”

Something damp and cold touched her skin and her eyes snapped open. Ryder He was cleaning the cuts. Why was he here? No he couldn’t be here! ‘Ryder? No no you have to leave, no!’ It never occurred to her he was with Mad Man. Not her Ryder. ‘Shhh…look at me not him. The cold is numbing, it will take the pain away. Don’t sing for him. I heard you, in the village that night, I heard you sing for the children, the babies. Beautiful, like you. Don’t give him that.’ He continued to run the icy cold water across the cuts. ‘If I let you go, will you fight?’ he began removing the restraints as she looked up into his eyes. They were neon yellow/green - her eyes, not his brown and blue. This was NOT Ryder, “Who are you?!” she launched herself at him, the only weapon she had being herself, but she was sure that was more than adequate. And then the pain again, robbing her of breath and sight, and then oblivion.

---

”I am very disappointed with your work,” the cold dead voice came through the darkness.

“I don’t understand, she keeps breaking out of the memories. I will do better, I have much more data this time. I will surely have an answer for you next time.” The analytical voice assured, but distant as she studied her results.
Synthi-er, S31

Vision 5

Casela was 14 and she was moving quietly through the dark just inside the jungle, staying silent and out of sight like her father and uncle had taught her. She heard the sound of a squad of marching soldiers and she paused sitting down in the cover of some thick bushes. ‘Daddy?’ ‘Hush Casela, be still, they won’t see you if you stay still. The forest is too hot, too humid for you to show up on their infrared scanner. Be still till they pass.’ Casela sat waiting for the troop of Jem’hadar…no it was Romulans. Romulans weren’t working with the Jem’hadar the Cardassians were. She had to tell someone. ‘Daddy!’ But she sat still waiting for the soldiers to move on. She hiked the edge of the forest the rest of the night, at least 2 hours behind the squadron that had passed her earlier in the night. She had to get to Juliet…..Even in the dark the blood on the stones and dirt was clearly visible. Aunt Olivia Uncle Jo’nar. JULIET! Pinned between them was the smaller body of her little cousin. Black hair, matted and limp, coal black eyes lifeless, her mouth twisted in pain. “NO!” Casela pulled her small body from between them, frantically trying to wake her up. ‘No,Sorellina, wake up, you have to wake up, we can’t stay here.’ she whispered desperately into Juliet’s mind, but she wouldn’t wake up.

“Don’t you remember, the first time,” her father walked out of the shadow of the trees and knelt beside her, “you held Sorellina?” Her father did not call her Sorellina, that was Casela’s nickname for her, not anyone else. “Remember?”

Casela was very young, at most nearing 3, when her Aunt Olivia went to the hospital to have her baby. Everyone was so excited, Casela didn’t know what to expect, other than there would be a baby. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. She was the baby. Everyone told her so, she was their baby. Why did Aunt Olivia and Uncle Jo’nar want to replace her? She was cute and funny and lovable and gave the best hugs, everyone said so. “Casela, stop that, we still love you, be a big girl now. Aunt Olivia is very tired, but wants you to meet Juliet.” Her mother could read her mind so easily, but she huffed anyway. “I don’t want to be a big girl, I want to be the baby.” Her father laughed, picked her up and swung her around, “You will always be our baby, but now there is another baby. You’ll love her, you’ll see.” Only a two year old could huff like that, and only Casela, even that young, could glare down the meanest alien on the planet.

Oh but they were right. Casela walked into the room, her gaze falling on the tiny little hand waving in the air from the bundle of blankets in Uncle Jo’nar’s arms. The tiny thing was passed from adult to adult out of her reach where she couldn’t see. She climbed onto Aunt Olivia’s bed and reminded her of who gave the best hugs. Eventually, the baby was given back to her mother and Casela got her first look at her baby cousin. Everything changed, Casela was totally smitten. “I wanna hold her,” in a very soft whispered voice like Juliet might vanish. Then in a flurry she was lifted to the couch with lots of pillows and three hovering anxious adults and a tiny baby in her arms. Casela thought she was heavy for something so small. She watched the shiny black eyes and small mouth that smiled at her. “Ow!” Juliet had grabbed her hair and pulled, as babies do. “You have hair just like mine.” She looked over at her Aunt and Uncle understanding why they had their own baby. “I want a baby too,” she declared. She remembered the adults laughed, finding her serious tone amusing and adorable for her 2 years of life. Oh but Casela meant it, but until then she had Juliet and she’d do anything for her.

“Remember, Casela?” She nodded, ‘I remember Daddy. I love her, why is she gone?’

‘It happens, but you promised, remember? You promised to protect her. You let the Romulans hurt her.’

”More, look at the adrenaline spikes and the brain waves. More, we’ll get it out of her this time.” The analytical voice was talking as she watched the images and medical readings. “These memories, they are very old, from her childhood.” She tapped and adjusted the machine to pull more of the oldest memories from her subject…

“Look Sorellina. Here they come back from the run. I bet your dad beats them all again!” They were watching the cadets come in from their 5 mile run. At the end of every season her father put them through tough tests. Casela, now 14, and Juliet, 12, always watched. And Uncle Jo’nar always came out of nowhere and beat even the youngest and fastest runner. Her father never participated. He said he didn’t want them to resent him, but it was okay for them to hate his brother. And he would laugh as Uncle Jo’nar looked daggers at him and then laugh too. “Let’s run it Lala! I bet we could do it!” With no care in the world and all the overconfidence of two children that were doted on by their fathers they left to run the course.

‘LALA!’ Casela looked around desperately. ‘Be still Juliet! I’ll get you!’ They hadn’t thought about the rains, so much heavier this time of year and how loose the ground was. It had given way underneath Juliet’s feet and Casela’s. They slid almost 30 feet down the muddy embankment. ‘Don’t move, you might slide more.’ Eventually the girls, to their fathers’ horror and pride, had gotten themselves out, just like they’d been taught. They found them, covered in mud, holding onto each other, but safe and mostly uninjured after their adventure. ‘I’m always going to protect you, Sorellina.’

”Yes there is guilt here, lots of self-condemnation and despondency. Look at the hormone levels, yes this should push her over the edge.”

“You didn’t protect her, did you?” Casela shook her head, that had only been a few months ago. She should have insisted, she should have made her father listen. Why did she leave Juliet? It’s HER FAULT! She hunched over the still lifeless form of her cousin and screamed her denial to the heavens. “Tell me what you saw,” her father shook her hard and painfully. “What did you see? What did the Romulans do? Tell me!” She looked up confused. Romulans? Yes it was Romulans she’d been following. “They…they were…they were…women, black robes…tests, they were…”

A gentle hand on her arm and then tugging her away from her father. She turned to look, Ryder. “Don’t listen to him. Come with me. Away from here. Shhh.” She got up and started to walk. “Casela Rialoxa get back here.” She shook her head and smiled, “No I’m going with him.”

”Him? Who is she talking about?” The icy cruel voice snapped.

“Well fix it! Or you are of no more use to me!” “I am sorry, Honored Mother. It must be her Betazoid physiology. I am having trouble compensating.” A resound crack as the woman is backhanded. “No excuses. We need to know if she passed on any information. This is taking too long!”

“Don’t you remember what I told you? If it doesn’t end in a draw he’s not for you.” Casela laughed and looked from her father to Ryder. “He will…” no this wasn’t right, she hadn’t met Ryder yet, but she knew him, he was her…no. She shook her head blocking the thought she wouldn’t give that away. Ryder took her hand and gently pulled her farther away, “Casela, walk away from him, you have to come with me. I want to show you something.” She followed him, slipping into the shadows on the edge of the forest. He pointed to a clearing, Jem’hadar…no Romulans. The images fluctuated back and forth. She shook her head. Ryder tugged her hand till she looked at him. He kissed her, slipping an arm around her waist. This was risky, “stop…Ryder, stop.” He smiled at her. She stepped away, “Stay here, I’ll be right back.”

“We’re not splitting up” He said a little sharply, so perhaps he was being a little protective and selfish over Casela but could you blame him? He’d seriously have to get a grip if they were to go on future away missions. “Sorry, I’m just a little..on edge. All my life times and this is the scariest.” As she moved around the clearing she stopped, the words triggering a memory…a shuttle bay, her shuttle, she turned towards him starting to run. Ryder stepped into the clearing watching her, “You have to remember the truth now.” A Romulan or Jem’hadar, both? Fired a disruptor, tearing through Ryder’s abdomen, he fell to the ground, dead. “NO!!!”

The mind device exploded the backlash traveling up the optical cording to the computer console, sparks, pops, hissing, fire and explosion. The psychic wave and blast from the blown computer knocked out both women in the room. And strapped to the chair Casela began to seize.

Lt Synthi-er S31