STF

Ready Room- Post-Party

Posted Jan. 19, 2021, 1:26 p.m. by Captain Alexander Cochrane (Commanding Officer) (James Sinclair)

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Ready Room- Post-Party

Posted by Captain Alexander Cochrane (Commanding Officer) in Ready Room- Post-Party

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Ready Room- Post-Party

(snip)

Faye nodded slowly. “That is certainly true,” she said softly before raising the cup to her lips, letting the soothing hot liquid give her a moment to collect her thoughts. “But… all that being said, it doesn’t negate one very simple fact: we effed up Alex. Really badly.”

She exhaled abruptly. “And by that I mean, you and me specifically. It got the job done, but my plan was a terrible one for me. And I have to live with the very real consequences of it. I don’t know if there was a better way, but I knew the second I stepped into that brig cell that I had just done something terrible to myself. I felt it in the deepest part of me. And even if we had no other choice and still went with that plan, we should have done so with all the cards on the table. You as someone who I know cares about what happens to me should have objected. But I get that you trust me and trusted that I was giving a solid idea. But… I have Borderline Personality Disorder, Alex, and the reality is that in that moment, I really didn’t factor in how strong my desire to flee was. I should have at least considered this one outcome. And because we didn’t take that step, I broke something inside me, something that I had worked very hard to put together after I escaped the Tal Shiar. And now I have to try to put it back together again… if I even can.”

~Faye Calloway

Alex listened to her and sipped his coffee as she spoke. When she was done, he regarded her for a long time wordlessly; his icy-blue eyes staring at her. After a long silence, he set the cup to the side and leaned forward, crossing his arms on the desk in front of him.

“When you and I first spoke at length, I told you something that I have never said to anyone else. I told you what I saw you becoming. Do you remember? Do you remember what I said I saw your path as, Faye?”

Cochrane, CO

She couldn’t help but smile at that memory, that moment of absolute astonishment. It was hard to explain to people that she had no aspirations, or perhaps more correctly, she couldn’t allow herself aspirations. They were akin to hope, which had previously been a dangerous notion in her life. “You’re asking someone with a near eidetic memory, what they remember?” she said with a chuckle. “But yeah, it’s a little hard to forget the idea of Captain Faye Calloway.” She almost gave her usual negative addendums but something in his gaze, in those lovely eyes of his, made her let the statement stand as is.

~Faye Calloway

Alex nodded and said “Exactly. I don’t see that because of your eidetic memory. Or your skill with computers. Or your record or your talents or your disorder. I see that because of your character, Faye. Because all of those things don’t singly push me to see that future for you… but because all of them combined make you who you are.” Alex stood up and came around the desk and took the chair next to her and leaned forward and took her hands in his in a forceful but not painful grip. He looked at her with an intensity that she had not seen before.

“You say you are broken. That you and I screwed up… made the wrong decision. That it cost you something. Well I’m going to tell you something, Faye, that you need to really hear, ok?” He waited for her acknowledgement before he spoke.

“Every single choice we make in this arena costs us something. Every. Single. One. Sometimes the cost is negligible, easy. Sometimes it takes a toll that leaves us feeling broken like you do now. And sometimes we make a choice that comes with a tab that takes everything. That is what we do. We are officers and Department Heads and XO’s and Captains because we can make those choices. There is something in us that allows us to weigh probability and decide which outcome is best. Sometimes that best is for all involved… sometimes it’s for a single person. Whatever it is, we decide what is right and what is wrong… what is needed and what isn’t and we plan and execute accordingly. That is what you did. That is what I did. You say we screwed up? I say we did what had to be done and we paid the price for that choice. You paid. I paid. Wyatt and Creed and your mom paid. Hell, even Vector paid. But regardless of what that choice was, it was made and it’s over. Neither you or I have the luxury of looking back now and saying ‘Well, if only we would have…’ We didn’t. So we move on and pay the tab when it comes due.” and he released her hands and sat back.

“Faye, you aren’t broken… well… you aren’t broken the way you think you are. And sometimes when something breaks, it’s so it can be built back stronger. You did what you had to do. You risked yourself to get the job done. That was the right call and that is what we do.” and his eyes transfixed hers and he held them for a long time.

“I risked you to get the job done. That was the right call. It’s not the call I wanted to make. And it’s not one I made at all lightly. But I agreed with you, so that was the call that needed to made at the time. Faye, you put yourself on the line for all the right reasons. You told me those reasons and I let you do it. I knew it would hurt you… and somewhere inside you knew it, too. You say you didn’t consider the outcome, but you’re wrong. You did. I know you did because I saw you do it sitting right there in that chair. I saw your fear. I saw your doubt. Hell, Faye… your inner monologue might have as well been broadcast over subspace to everyone in the galaxy. Your conscious mind may not have considered it… but you did. And you still made the choice to go ahead.”

That is why I see you as I do. Now? Now we just have to get you to open your eyes to yourself. You didn’t break, Faye… you changed.”

Cochrane, CO


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