STF

Holodeck 3- A Long Way Down (and Up)

Posted Feb. 23, 2021, 11:50 a.m. by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) (Lindsay Bayes)

Posted by Captain Alexander Cochrane (Commanding Officer) in Holodeck 3- A Long Way Down (and Up)

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Holodeck 3- A Long Way Down (and Up)

Posted by Captain Alexander Cochrane (Commanding Officer) in Holodeck 3- A Long Way Down (and Up)

(snip)

Alex simply nodded and said “I’m really sorry, Faye. If there was ever a time I wanted to be wrong… that was it.” Alex looked at Shara and said “Faye and Wyatt had… spent some time together. When Faye and I had dinner, she told me about it. I told her that it was a bad idea at the time. And Faye agreed. I’m guessing her explanation to the Lieutenant didn’t go smoothly.” and he sighed.

Shara nodded, though she bit on her lower lip, as if she already knew and he was simply confirming a suspicion. “I see.”

“Faye… I can’t begin to know what it is you deal with on a daily basis. But I do know that whatever happened in the garden can be handled.” He looked at Shara and gave her another look, but this one said ‘Don’t test me on this’. “I’ll talk to Luke. Don’t worry about that. Focus on doing what you need for you to get back on your feet. The test can wait.”

Cochrane

Well, if Cochrane thought Shara was the kind to go on the hunt and deal with a situation with her own particular brand of justice, well… he’d be right. But only under very specific circumstances and this was definitely not one of them. While the warning was accepted, it really hadn’t been needed.

Faye’s head dropped and she studied the sand. The damn tears were back and she felt a myriad of things she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Getting her feet back under her was definitely an apt way to put it because right now she felt like everything was spinning. “I don’t know how to do this! jasmine was right. I don’t think about others. I keep making decisions for me. But if I made the wrong decision there, how can you be right Alex that I made the right one too? How can both be true!” She shook her head, working hard to contain her anger. “That damn medal. It’s a joke, really. I mean, how can I even look at it again? Even just thinking about it makes me feel guilty.” Luke had said he was selfish, but Faye was seeing more clearly how selfish she had been and for a very long time.

“Unfortunately, Faye, a lot of things in life don’t fall neatly into good or bad. Sometimes they just… are,” Shara said softly. “I know it’s hard for you, but you deserve that medal, even if in hindsight you feel you could have done it differently.”

Her stomach churned and Faye braced her hands on her thighs, feeling once again like throwing up.

~Faye & Shara Calloway

Alex let go of her and stood up and in front of her. “Faye… I know that you have taken a huge blow, but I need to tell you something.” and he took a knee in the sand and moved his head close to Faye’s ear so only she would hear him. Alex knew Faye knew he cared for her. He knew that she trusted him and he trusted her. But there was an edge to his voice that spoke volumes more than just his words.

It was a measure of that great trust that Faye accepted that nearness and didn’t retreat, despite every part of her wanting to.

“If you ever… and I mean ever… belittle that medal or the actions my friend took to earn it again, I will skip you so hard off the shuttle bay deck that you won’t need a shuttle or a worm hole to get you back to the Alpha Quadrant. And that’s a promise. And if you think its a joke… what does that make what you did?” and he leaned back and looked her in the eyes. “You did make the right decision, Faye. But nowhere is it written that the right choice is the easy choice. In fact, more often than not, its just the opposite. And yeah… you are making choices for yourself. Because you have to right now. Selfish? Sure… but just like Shara just said… sometimes things don’t fit neatly into categories. Just like you.” and he stood up and looked down at her before setting a hand on her shoulder.

Her chest heaved as she choked back a sob, head bowed deeply. She really didn’t have a response to his words, but Faye also understood that one wasn’t needed.

After a moment he said to Shara. “Call the Counselor. This is her arena, not ours.” and he paused before he realeased her shoulder and turned away from Faye and said “Now, Commander.” and with that he walked out of the holodeck.

Cochrane, CO

“I’m on it,” Shara said quietly, more to herself than anything. =/\=Commander Calloway to Rollo. Counsellor, your presence is requested in Holodeck Three. It’s urgent.=/\=

Faye exhaled with a grumble. She just wanted to be left alone for a little while, but clearly that wasn’t going to happen. Blanket still over her shoulders, Faye paced back and forth across the sand.

Shara watched her and took a deep breath. “Computer, erect a plain stone wall fifteen metres from the picnic table, three metres high, five metres long and 50 centimetres deep” The computer chirped as she rose to her feet and set the guitar on the picnic table. The gentle breeze tousled her long wavy brown hair, pulled gently off her face at the back of her neck. Computer, generate ten empty wine bottle and place them on the picnic table. When the tenth one is removed, regenerate a new batch and repeat as needed.” Another chirp.

Gazing at her daughter, Shara understood one thing very clearly: if they were to keep Faye here in the present and give her a chance to truly process everything, then she would have to really start feeling things and them them reside in her botttle and let them go. Luckily for Faye, there was a way to do so that was, in her experience, rather cathartic. “Come on over. It’s a bit warmer over here by the fire.”

Though she was baffled by what her mother was doing, Faye was just curious enough to acquiesce and moved closer, setting the blanket on the bench of the picnic table.

Having garnered Faye’s attention, Shara grabbed a wine bottle and swung it a little by the neck. “While we wait for backup, let’s try something shall we?” Faye shrugged but it wasn’t a no. “One of the therapists I had seen early back in my own recovery got me to try this and I found it pretty useful. It’s very basic. When you have a lot of emotions it can be a lot to let yourself feel any of it, so you take it one thought, one thing at a time.” She twirled the wine bottle. “Name and let it go.” Taking a step forward, Shara pulled her right arm back and flung the bottle at the wall with a great deal of force. It shattered loudly, the shards landing in the sand.

Faye started and gazed at Shara with an incredulous look. “We… break stuff?”

Shara grinned at her. “Why the hell not? It’s the holodeck. We can’t get hurt here.” She grabbed another bottle by the neck. “But it’s more than that. I also said you name it, meaning you have to attach something to that one bottle and then let it fly.” Stepping forward again she inhaled deeply. “I hate that this quadrant makes me feel so uncomfortable. After all, it’s just an arbitrary name on a random bit of space.” She wound up and flung the bottle at the wall. Pieces flew. She exhaled audibly and moved back to the picnic table. Picking up a bottle, she tossed it in the air and grabbed it lower down, offering it to Faye by the neck. “Your turn, Baby Girl. Go ahead and throw one. See how it feels.”

She stared at the bottle for a moment before she reached out and took it in her hand. Even with a firm grip, there was a slight heft to the object. Taking a half step forward, Faye stared at the wall. Pulling her arm back, she let the bottle loose. Smash! She hadn’t throw it with too much force, but it still broke. As the pieces hit the sand, she felt her breath catch in her throat. Looking over at her mother, the tears that had sat in the corners of her eyes finally started to fall.

Shara handed her another bottle and grabbed one for herself. Stepping up to an invisible line, she readied herself again. “I’m scared that after so many years I won’t know how to be a mother again.” The bottle went flying. Crash! With a nod of satisfaction, she gave Faye a soft smile and stepped back.

Eyes tracing her mother’s features, Faye felt something unnameable swirl in the pit of her stomach. The sun had been very slowly sinking, giving way to sunset and cast a warm glow across the beach. Bottle in hand, Faye took a step forward and wound up. “I am so damn tired of having to fight for and through everything.” The bottle sailed through the air, tossed with vehemence. Smash! This time it shattered in a much more complete and satisfying way.

~Faye and Shara Calloway


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