Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Holodeck 3- A Long Way Down (and Up)

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Zef Rollo (Counselor) in Holodeck 3- A Long Way Down (and Up)

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Holodeck 3- A Long Way Down (and Up)

(snip)

“I’m on it,” Shara said quietly, more to herself than anything. =/\=Commander Calloway to Rollo. Counsellor, your presence is requested in Holodeck Three. It’s urgent.=/\=

Zef was just about to step into the shower when the message sounded in her quarters. She tapped the com badge sitting on the edge of the sink . =Rollo here. I’m on my way Cmdr.=/\= It had to be Faye. Although Shara Calloway ‘could’ call on her own behalf, the counselor didn’t think that was the situation. Donning a pair of white pants and a pink pullover tunic, Zef slipped her feet into soft shoes and headed to deck 23.

Faye exhaled with a grumble. She just wanted to be left alone for a little while, but clearly that wasn’t going to happen. Blanket still over her shoulders, Faye paced back and forth across the sand.

Shara watched her and took a deep breath. “Computer, erect a plain stone wall fifteen metres from the picnic table, three metres high, five metres long and 50 centimetres deep” The computer chirped as she rose to her feet and set the guitar on the picnic table. The gentle breeze tousled her long wavy brown hair, pulled gently off her face at the back of her neck. Computer, generate ten empty wine bottle and place them on the picnic table. When the tenth one is removed, regenerate a new batch and repeat as needed.” Another chirp.

Gazing at her daughter, Shara understood one thing very clearly: if they were to keep Faye here in the present and give her a chance to truly process everything, then she would have to really start feeling things and them them reside in her botttle and let them go. Luckily for Faye, there was a way to do so that was, in her experience, rather cathartic. “Come on over. It’s a bit warmer over here by the fire.”

Though she was baffled by what her mother was doing, Faye was just curious enough to acquiesce and moved closer, setting the blanket on the bench of the picnic table.

Having garnered Faye’s attention, Shara grabbed a wine bottle and swung it a little by the neck. “While we wait for backup, let’s try something shall we?” Faye shrugged but it wasn’t a no. “One of the therapists I had seen early back in my own recovery got me to try this and I found it pretty useful. It’s very basic. When you have a lot of emotions it can be a lot to let yourself feel any of it, so you take it one thought, one thing at a time.” She twirled the wine bottle. “Name and let it go.” Taking a step forward, Shara pulled her right arm back and flung the bottle at the wall with a great deal of force. It shattered loudly, the shards landing in the sand.

Faye started and gazed at Shara with an incredulous look. “We… break stuff?”

Shara grinned at her. “Why the hell not? It’s the holodeck. We can’t get hurt here.” She grabbed another bottle by the neck. “But it’s more than that. I also said you name it, meaning you have to attach something to that one bottle and then let it fly.” Stepping forward again she inhaled deeply. “I hate that this quadrant makes me feel so uncomfortable. After all, it’s just an arbitrary name on a random bit of space.” She wound up and flung the bottle at the wall. Pieces flew. She exhaled audibly and moved back to the picnic table. Picking up a bottle, she tossed it in the air and grabbed it lower down, offering it to Faye by the neck. “Your turn, Baby Girl. Go ahead and throw one. See how it feels.”

She stared at the bottle for a moment before she reached out and took it in her hand. Even with a firm grip, there was a slight heft to the object. Taking a half step forward, Faye stared at the wall. Pulling her arm back, she let the bottle loose. Smash! She hadn’t throw it with too much force, but it still broke. As the pieces hit the sand, she felt her breath catch in her throat. Looking over at her mother, the tears that had sat in the corners of her eyes finally started to fall.

Shara handed her another bottle and grabbed one for herself. Stepping up to an invisible line, she readied herself again. “I’m scared that after so many years I won’t know how to be a mother again.” The bottle went flying. Crash! With a nod of satisfaction, she gave Faye a soft smile and stepped back.

Eyes tracing her mother’s features, Faye felt something unnameable swirl in the pit of her stomach. The sun had been very slowly sinking, giving way to sunset and cast a warm glow across the beach. Bottle in hand, Faye took a step forward and wound up. “I am so damn tired of having to fight for and through everything.” The bottle sailed through the air, tossed with vehemence. Smash! This time it shattered in a much more complete and satisfying way.

~Faye and Shara Calloway

As she approached the entrance to the holodeck, the doors opened and allowed her entrance. The scene was beautiful, but the sound of breaking glass was a concern. With a quick scan, she spotted two female outlines and assumed it was Faye and her mother. Heading in that direction at an easy pace, she called out to let them know of her presence. “What are you two doing over there? Should I be worried about stepping on glass?”

—Rollo, CNS

Shara turned and gazed at Rollo and shook her head, calling back. “Nah. Entirely holographic. Can’t hurt you.” Shifting her gaze back to her daughter, there was an expectant look on Faye’s face. “Should I tell her, or do you want to?”

As Zef approached, FayeFaye gazed downwards, her shoulders slumping forward. “I dissociated again after a particularly unpleasant interaction,” she said softly. “One minute I was in the garden, planting seedlings in my plot and the next thing I’m aware of I’m here sitting on that blanket next to Alex and my mom is playing guitar.” Such a simple statement but the despair the situation brought up in her was something she couldn’t reign in and it seemed to be seeping into everything.

“Hmm, I see. Can you tell me what caused the dissociative state? Stress, anxiety…a traumatic experience in the garden?”

Shara spoke, no doubt to give her daughter a moment to collect herself.

“In an attempt to help Faye stay here, I thought we might try something one of my therapists once got me to do.” Shara picked up a bottle by the neck. “We speak aloud the things that we fear, that make us angry, actions people have taken. Anything and everything. It doesn’t have to make sense or be rational or even real. If we feel it, then it’s real enough. When I first did it we used soft items, but I discovered that it’s much more satisfying if something breaks. Feel free to tell me this is a terrible idea, at this moment,” Shara said with a tiny lopsided smile and half-shrug.

~Faye and Shara Calloway

Zef picked up one of the bottles and felt the weight of it in her hand before setting it back down. “Far be it from me to halt any treatment that works—no matter who the exercise came from.”

She looked back at Faye. “Do you want to take a walk and talk about it?”

—Rollo, CNS