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Faye's Quarters - You've Got Mail

Posted March 3, 2021, 4:46 p.m. by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) (Lindsay Bayes)

Posted by James Sinclair in Faye’s Quarters - You’ve Got Mail

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Faye’s Quarters - You’ve Got Mail

Posted by James Sinclair in Faye’s Quarters - You’ve Got Mail
Posted by… suppressed (5) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Her mouth dropped open slightly, surprised he was actually there. Faye nodded and shook her head simultaneously before chuckling and throwing her hands out to the side. =/\=I’m okay. Just…=/\= What were the words that could convey any of it. =/\=Just emotional. There’s been a lot of that lately. A lot of up and down and very little in between. I keep waiting for equilibrium, but so much has changed that I’m not sure sure I’d even know if I hit it fully. But I just watched your message and I needed to talk to you. Kind of as if I needed to make sure it was real. If that makes sense?=/\= She shook her head in amusement decidedly unsurprised if it didn’t given that it barely made sense to her.

~Faye Calloway

The concern on his face left for the most part, replaced by a wide grin, and he chuckled softly. =/\= It does make sense. And yeah, Faye… it was real. And I meant every word. Of that you should not have a doubt. =/\=

Hammor, Ops

She wiped at her cheeks, drying the residual of the tears and once again shook her head. =/\=No, I don’t doubt it,=/\= she said more softly. =/\=I guess… I guess I’m still getting used to people not just saying what they mean, but…=/\= Again she ran out of words, not sure how to phrase it.

With a deep inhale, Faye steadied herself and propped her elbow on the desk, resting her chin in her hand. =/\=Anyway, be forewarned that I’m a bit of a rambling mess at this moment. =/\= Now that she had him there in front of her to speak to it was as if all her words had vanished.

~Faye Calloway

=/\= Faye, you’re a bit of a rambler no matter what, so I don’t need the warning. =/\= and he chuckled. He looked at the screen and traced a line down the image with a finger, his smile softening. =/\= It’s really good to see you, Faye.=/\= and he sighed a bit before seeming to catch himself. =/\= So, uh… how’s the mushroom house coming along? And I’m glad you got the package. I know you are going to love it when it… grows? Sprouts? Germinates? I have no idea what mushroom do. =/\= and he laughed softly.

Hammor, Ops Chief, USS Athena

She liked his laugh. It was warm and cozy, like wrapping yourself in a blanket. She responded with a wide smile. =/\=They fruit. The part of fungi that we can see is actually the fruit,=/\= she told him.

=/\=But the house is coming along, The main structure is up and the the beds will start being put together tomorrow. Depending on everyone’s shifts and workload, we might be able to get them filled before end of day. But we have to go through the composting and prep phases of the cultivation cycle to make sure the growing medium is exactly right before we can start the spawning phase.” The excitement in her eyes grew. “You know, this is the first time I myself have ever been a part of a cultivation project before. Back on Tracken we just gathered them when they were in season, and once I worked a place where they had their own cultivation centre, but I was never a part of it. So I’m really looking forward to this. Nice to have something new but also… low stakes to try out. My more recent experimenting has not been as low stakes as it should have been and it didn’t go ever very well. So mushrooms it is,=/\= she said with a laugh, though an edge had formed to her voice.

~Faye Calloway

Whether or not Daggum caught the edge in her voice, he didn’t try to pursue it. =/\= Well, experimentation isn’t always supposed to be successful, right? Otherwise it would just be called… what… doing? =/\= and he chuckled. =/\= Well, send me some pictures of the process, will you? I’d like to see it coming together. =/\= and his smile grew mider and he leaned in to the screen. =/\= Make sure you are in some of them. It’s your house, after all. =/\= and he gave her a wink. He leaned back a bit and grew more serious and then said =/\= So how is everything else, doll? I’m here if you need to vent. And you can talk to me about anything… promise. Nothing is too much.=/\=

Hammor, Ops Chief, USS Athena

Yes there was hesitancy and an awkward squirm, but Faye forced herself to keep her gaze on him. After all, like Alex, he didn’t offer what he couldn’t give and thus his offer was sincere. =/\=Everything else,=/\= she said softly. =/\=Everything else is variable.=/\= Faye laughed, but it was slightly hollow. =/\=I have friends here. Which is new and such a surprise to me. One of them is the captain, which is bizarre. It’s been a long time since I’ve been even remotely friendly with a captain I’ve served with. Normally I’m just a nuisance they have to deal with. But he’s dear to me and like you he accepts and invites into the light the darker, harder bits of me.=/\= Faye took a moment to catch her breath. Hand still cupping the side of her face, she continued. =/\=I… when I told you that day we met about… before. About how we shared a similar experience when we were younger, it had been the first time I had spoken of it in awhile. To date only three people, including you, know about that detail, and even then I’ve never talked about it properly. I don’t know if I can either, but there’s a strange thing happening right now Dag. Between the manipulation of my work and the arrival of my mother, and my recent… well I said I’d been up and down, but they have been really big ups and downs. Unhealthy ones. I’m not even back to duty yet. But between all of it, it’s like all the things I pushed away from my past are coming back to the surface all that same damn time! And I can’t catch my breath. Just when I think I’m got a handle on one, another crops up and I’m just… overwhelmed. I can’t process. Any of it. But recently I acted in what I thought was a reasonable way but in the end my actions hurt someone and…=/\= This time her gaze dropped. =/\=Dag… I can’t fight anymore. I’m tired of fighting. I don’t want to. So I’m surrendering. Whatever that means and looks like, I don’t know.=/\= She lifted her gaze. =/\=But I’m taking it one minute, hour and day at a time and I’m letting this stuff I’ve tried to let go of just… be. To exist. To let things no longer hide away. And it’s terrifying,=/\= she said in a whisper with wide eyes. He spoke about his experiences without the same emotional attachment and she knew that for him it was okay. But that’s not where she was at in her life. Not yet anyway.

~Faye Calloway

Daggum listened, intently, his eyes never leaving the screen or her face in it. When she finished he just looked at her for some time.

And then… a soft smile formed.

=/\= Hey… I know its hard. I do… And if you don’t want to fight anymore, Faye… thats fine. Its okay to be tired. Tired of the constant wearing and hurting and… and… and everything. It doesn’t mean you’ve lost… and it doesn’t mean you’ve won. It’s like you just said… it just is, okay? And its okay to be scared, too. All of us are in some form or fashion. Hell, I’m scared right now. But its what we do in spite of that fear that matters. And of everyone I have ever met, Faye… you =/\= and he shook his bald, green head with a look of admiration and affection on his face, =/\= … you are one of the bravest people I know. So I know you have it in to get yourself through this, okay? Just… believe in you… as much as I do. You sound like you are making really solid steps for yourself. I… I’m really proud of you, Faye. A lot. =/\= He paused and reached up and touched the screen, as if he could touch her cheek through the billions of kilometers of space between them.

Maybe she would have been embarrassed under different circumstances and demurred away, but in this moment, in feeling this incredible vulnerability Faye ever so slightly leaned in, as if she could imagine his fingers reaching through the screen. As if his touch could sooth the restless scared parts of her into quietness.

=/\= So this person you say you hurt. How bad was it? I mean… is it fixable? Or is pretty bad? =/\= and then a sudden thought occurred to him and he pulled back from the screen a bit, a look of slight trepidation on his face. =/\= Or is that something that is none of my business? Which is fine… I don’t want to overstep, okay? But I meant it when I said you can talk to me about anything. =/\= and then another thought hit him with a wholly different set of emotions… this time confusion. =/\= And wait… did you say your Mom was there? =/\=

Hammor, Ops Chief, USS Athena

A small laugh broke the tension. Just because she had the impressive memory, didn’t mean everyone else remembered every bit of conversation they participated in. Especially since Faye seemed to toss large amounts of information at the man at every turn. She had to give him credit for taking tit so well. =/\=Yes. She was the one who was leading the Intelligence investigation. But we can get to her later. That is a whole other thing,=/\= she said gesturing in a circle with her hand.

Another deep breath. =/\=As for the rest, I believe you so… here goes,=/\= Faye said with a laugh. =/\=I was feeling so terrible and I’ve had episodes of dissociation. It’s not normally a problem for me, but after huge stressors, like imprisonment or mass murder, you know-=/\= she rolled her eyes with a smirk=/\=-my brain executes an emergency escape and goes… elsewhere. I can suddenly come to, as it were and be in an entirely different location. Which is rather scary and unsettling. I could have had whole conversations earlier in my life and not remember them, and I have what they consider to be a nearly eidetic memory.=/\= Another laugh.

=/\= Anyway. I think I subconsciously wanted to stay in the present so badly that I wanted physical things to remind me that I was here. That I was alive. And so I tried to start something casual with someone who I’ve had some… complicated exchanges with. The timing was bad. Maybe the choice in person was bad, I don’t know, but suffice to say that when I tried to end our… arrangement, it didn’t go well.=/\= She looked away, her cheeks warm with that uncomfortable feeling she was feeling far too often. When she looked back at Daggum, she couldn’t quite meet his gaze. =/\=I don’t know if it’s fixable. I had hoped we could go back to being friends, but I think my being in this bad place is maybe not good for him and I don’t want to hurt him more. It’s not fair to inflict my pain on others.=/\=

~Faye Calloway


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