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Faye's Quarters - You've Got Mail

Posted March 4, 2021, 3:20 p.m. by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) (Lindsay Bayes)

Posted by James Sinclair in Faye’s Quarters - You’ve Got Mail

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Faye’s Quarters - You’ve Got Mail

Posted by James Sinclair in Faye’s Quarters - You’ve Got Mail
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Daggum smiled at her and sighed, his eyes still locked on the screen. Suddenly he clapped his hands together and almost shouted =/\= YES YES YES!!! Yes! Thats my girl!! =/\= at the screen, unconsciously adding the term of endearment, and then he smiled broadly and pointed at the screen. =/\= Yes, Faye. You have no idea how proud I am of you right now. You know the road is hard, but your stepping on it anyway. So… so proud. =/\= and he smiled and wiped a tear from his eye.

She had been expecting some sort of admonishment, some pep talk or other that was designed, even accidentally, to make her feel bad for feeling bad. People had been doing that to her for a long time. So to hear Daggum speak so excitedly took her by surprise. My girl? My girl. Normally those words would send her running and hiding in a panicked state. But they didn’t. And maybe, likely, that was worth examining. Later. =/\= You get it,=/\= she said softly, taking in the man before who, who was crying. It only made her own tears start flowing again.

=/\= No, doll… not me. You. You get it. And that is the best thing right now. =/\= and he smiled and touched the screen again.

=/\= And you are so so right. Patience… and no, no one can do it for you. But doll? You are so much stronger than you know… and I know… Faye I know it in my heart… you are going to go through that dark and when you come out… no one and no thing will put out your light. =/\=

Hammor, Ops Chief, USS Athena

He understood! But of course he did. And that was why she had been drawn to him in the first place. It wasn’t just that they had been through hard things. Many other people had. But it was different when that thing fundamentally took away something you assumed you had an unalienable right to. =/\=It’s been so long, Dag. It’s taken this long and few people, even those who care for me deeply here, realize the extent of it. It’s exhausting and some days, despite how strong I am, I’m not sure I can make it. But I keep trying.=/\= She gazed at him, brushing tears away. =/\=When was that moment for you? The one where you realized you were on the other side?=/\=

~Faye Calloway

Daggum leaned back in his chair. =/\= That’s… a hard answer to give, Faye. =/\= and he smiled at her. =/\= And not because I don’t know, but because it’s… well… kinda complicated. And part of that answer I want to wait to talk with you about. Just till you get a further into your work, okay? It’s not bad, I just don’t want to add more to your plate. =/\= and he shrugged slightly and then said =/\= But I can tell you part of it. And that was when I realized I had gone through a day without thinking about the past. But when I realized I had… I had to really try and remember remembering. Sounds weird, I know, but that is when I knew I was going to be okay. Still wasn’t done by any means… still not… but I knew that the really dark times were mostly behind me. I had gone from dark with flashes and bursts of light to light with spots of dark here and there. The transition was really subtle, I didn’t even notice it had happened. Just one day… BAM. I was allowing myself to be happy, to find the good before the bad. And I had been for a while. I don’t know if that is how it will happen for you, Faye… but I do know that it will happen. =/\=

Hammor, Ops Chief, USS Athena

She digested this with a nod. Like many things it was likely something she’d have to think over. Let it stew, as it were. =/\=Things to mull over later, I think,=/\= she said softly. =/\=I’ve been doing a lot of that lately.=/\=

Arms still wrapped around her leg, Faye cast her gaze outwards over her desk and to the side, to the turned-off shelf that had a new batch of seedlings started. When she returned her regard back to Hammor, she was quietly thoughtful. =/\=So… I mentioned my mom and that she was running the investigation. Imagine my surprise to have her walk into the ready room after twenty-five years.=/\= Faye shook her head. =/\=She went missing the year before the Dominion came. It would many years before I’d learn that she had been spotted in the Alpha Quadrant after being on the USS Voyager. I knew she had gone to help another Maquis cell out, but I never made the connection between the disappearance and that ship. And by the time I was in a position to look for her, she was gone again.=/\= She snapped her fingers.=/\= Like ships passing in the night we kept missing each other. But I didn’t know that then. Some days though, Dag, I would wonder if she had tried at all. Did you know I was alive? I couldn’t really blame her for not knowing, because I had done my own disappearing act. But then came the Tal Shiar and my imprisonment. She was there, undercover.=/\= She set that particular bomb down gently, letting it somewhat speak for itself.

~Faye Calloway

Daggum’s eyes went wide. =/\= Wait… so she was there? Like… there there? Did she try to help you or anything? =/\= and he shook his head. =/\= Wait… no… don’t answer that. It’s been a long time since I hit a woman, and I probably shouldn’t break that streak with your mom. =/\= and he gave her a sideways smile and chuckled. He then looked at her and smiled fully. =/\= Hey… one of the things that is gonna be hardest about letting go of the past is that doing that requires something that is really hard to give sometimes… forgiveness. Now, I’m not saying you need to run around forgiving everybody that hurt you… far from it. But there are some that did that just… well… it sticks with you. Those are the ones that we have to forgive the most. And it’s not really a one and done kinda thing. I mean… I have to make a conscious choice sometimes to do that for the pit bosses I grew up with. I don’t justify what they did at all… but I forgive them because I don’t need that weight any more. So every now and then I have to say to myself ‘You know what? Fine. You did it. It’s done. I am choosing to move on from here. So that means no more anger to any of you.’ It’s hard, but it gets easier the more often you do it. And the more often you do it at the beginning, the less frequently you have to do as time goes on. =/\= and he sighed softly. =/\= And I wouldn’t know, but maybe forgiving a parent that showed up late would be easier than forgiving ones that never did. I dunno. =/\=

Hammor, Ops Chief, USS Athena

Faye’s gaze drifted away again, more as a thinking habit than avoidance. =/\=I think that’s the process I’m beginning. Her being here brings up a lot of stuff I thought I had dealt with, or probably more accurately, stuffed away deep down and avoided. But the details do matter, Dag, so I’m going to answer your questions as best I know them so far. =/\= She exhaled and looked at him. =/\=I don’t have a lot of clear memories from my imprisonment. Those nine months in my memory are just one long miserable bout of pain, fuzziness and deprivation. But every now and again I would have this dream. I could hear a soft voice speaking to me quietly. Like a whisper. Most of the time I couldn’t make out what they were saying but I knew they made me feel even a small amount of comfort, which was everything in that nightmare. I now know that that was her.=/\=

=/\=I’m alive because she risked everything, including her mission, to get me safely back to Federation space. I don’t even clearly remember getting to the shuttle before I hightailed it away from the facility, but that was her doing. She got me close enough and I had to do the rest. I had to survive long enough to make it to safety.=/\= She puffed out her cheeks and blew out her breath. =/\=She came to see me when I was in the brig. Because we didn’t know what would happen and if we’d have another chance to talk to each other. If things went badly, I would either be dead or disappear. But I was not prepared for her to tell me she had been there and had worked to get me free. But more than that I was not prepared to hear that in the aftermath, after she extracted herself and got back to Federation space that she was diagnosed with PTSD and that is why she didn’t immediately come find me. Why our reunion has taken so damn long. I mean, I know intellectually, that it’s not my fault. I didn’t do anything to her. But… it’s hard not to feel responsible. A lot of this mess lately has been me trying to draw lines and not always getting it right. Drawing them in the wrong places or drawing them too solidly where things are mixed and murky.=/\= Faye shook her head, taking solace in the sight of him as she rambled about things that were so difficult to make sense of.

~Faye Calloway


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