STF

Ready Room- 0900 Hours

Posted May 5, 2021, 12:51 p.m. by Captain Alexander Cochrane (Commanding Officer) (James Sinclair)

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Ready Room- 0900 Hours

Posted by Captain Alexander Cochrane (Commanding Officer) in Ready Room- 0900 Hours

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Ready Room- 0900 Hours
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snips)

“Final question… do you have any medical conditions that keeps you from talking? Oh, never mind… we both know the answer to that one.” and he leaned forward.

“Congratulations… you have mastered all the skills required to go on a date. Please pay the receptionist on your way out.” and he smiled and chuckled.

Another withering glare. Was it really that simple? She wasn’t convinced.

As if reading her mind, Cochrane said “Faye! Stop working yourself up, here! The hard part is done. You do realize that the VAST majority of sentient species that ‘date’ do so with the purpose of finding a mate… a companion. You’ve already done that! In typical Faye Calloway fashion, you are working this completely backwards. You are in love, he is in love… now you are going on a date. The end of this is already written. Now it’s just meals, talking, walking, and super sexy fun time.” and he did a little dance in his chair and then stopped. “You got this.”

Cochrane

Faye snorted, mostly at the dance. But she inhaled deeply and blew it out through her mouth. “Yep, I really need that cat,” she said with a shake of her head. “Which, by the way, my mom said she broached with you. So apparently that’s happening.”

Having had her heart stomped on so throughly on multiple occasions, Faye was trying to get comfortable with the idea that she couldn’t control how this went. She just had to go with it. “I keep wondering if this long distance thing can actually work. Maybe we’re setting ourselves up for failure, just because there is so much distance between us on a day-to-day basis. Sure a week together is great. But then he goes back to his ship with women practically throwing themselves at him, and it’s hard not to feel,”- she winced at the thought that went through her head before it hit her lips-“that it won’t be enough. That I won’t be enough. And I’m not sure how to not worry about that. Not yet anyway.”

Faye Calloway

Alex looked at her and took a breath. “So… I’m gonna ask you a question and it’s probably going to sting a bit, so prepare yourself. Okay?” and he gave her a moment to get ready.

Faye took a deep breath and nodded.

“You are worried about him not seeing you enough and finding comfort with another woman, right? Okay… that is a legitimate concern. So first non-stinging question is… have you talked to him about the rules? Set them up and agreed on them? If not, you should probably do that sooner rather than later so feelings aren’t hurt by a lack of communication. And be honest. Tell him how you feel. Listen to how he feels. And take the distance and time into account. And species, he is Orion after all. Now, the sting… did you think about how he would feel when you hooked up with Wyatt? You told me that first call from Mushroom-Boy sparked all of this… so was that a factor for you in your decision with Luke? Or… is it now a factor because you know he loves you, you don’t just suspect it? Because that really does change the playing field, I will grant you.”

Cochrane

He was right. It did sting. For probably exactly that reasons Alex thought it might, but also some he might not have considered. Faye wrapped her arms around herself tightly and she sought the words that might even partly explain how she thought and felt about it all. “So… no, we haven’t talked it over and set any specific rules. I did make a quip about whether I should be jealous that other women get to kiss him and he said that all I’d have to do is tell him to stop and he would. So… I think that’s a conversation that we definitely have to have. I dearly wish I was more… evolved, I guess, to have a more open relationship, but I don’t trust love just yet. So I’m not ready for that kind of relationship. I’m still navigating friendship. I think it’s too much of him, and me to ask.”

“Well… you don’t have to trust love, Faye. You just have to trust him, whatever rules you set in place. Just make sure those rules are for both of you, not just to protect one or the other.”

The rest of it though was several steps more complicated. And so for a few moments she just gazed downwards and when she looked up at Alex, Faye was fighting tears. “I don’t know what I don’t know. And as we’ve so abundantly established, I’m rather clueless when it comes to love and romance. So a part of me needs to be gentle with myself over things I couldn’t have known. Even right now, I can feel that part of me that wants to rip into my decisions and remind me of how terrible I’ve been. And that’s not fair to me or anyone. I’ve been going through a lot and I’ve made some bad decisions. Drinking was one of them. Wyatt was another. And Daggum has been with at least one person that I know of, so I don’t think us keeping score against each other is useful.” There were too many thoughts and no easy way to express any of it. “The part of me that threw myself into Luke’s arms was the part of me that wasn’t ready to confront my feelings about Dag, and Kodell. But I’m not that same person, Alex. Even a week or two later.”

“Of that I am acutely aware, Ms. Calloway.” Alex said softly and with a smile.

“The thing that really terrifies me is that Dag says he’s loved me since the day he met me,” Faye said, her eyes widening. “That’s a long time to be away from someone and it’s very easy to build up an ideal notion of that person. He knows about my BPD, because I told him. But aside from falling apart when he called me that first time, he’s not really seen what day-to-day life with me is like. And him being on another ship means that he still won’t. He doesn’t have to immerse himself in that reality. Luke tried to brush that stuff aside, to say it didn’t matter. That was why I ended things with us. He thought we could make each other happy! That’s why things went so terribly. That anger and hurt he unleashed…” Faye shook her head. “I know I’m supposed to not be letting fears control my life, but the fear that Daggum is going to do the same thing Luke did is a real thing. Not just some imagined fear I crafted to keep people away.”

~Faye Calloway

Alex nodded in understanding. He knew her fears were real.. and realistic. He took a breath and slowly exhaled through his nose. He stood up and walked around the desk, taking a seat in the chair next to her. “Ok. So let’s look at this logically first. Is Mushroom-Boy the same person Luke is? From what you have said, no. He is not. Is he the same as Kodell? No, he is not. So comparing apples to phasers to greeting cards is a moot practice. So let’s let that slide off the plate. Look at the man… not the history. Is he the kind to do that? You may not know right now, and that’s fine. The two of you have a lot of getting to know one another to do. But worrying about it now? There is literally nothing you can do about it right now, not till you and he are in the same proximity. Then you’ll know. And yeah… it’s a long time and certainly could have built up unrealistic expectations of you… you have probably already done some of that yourself about him. That’s what new relationships do. They test our perceptions of others. Sometimes people pass, sometimes they fail. That’s just the nature of loving someone new. But Faye… stressing about this now is just going to feed your anxiety and make being yourself around him all that much harder. And yourself is who he needs to see… in all your glory.” and he grinned at her.

Cochrane


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