STF

Captain's Quarters - Dancing On Toes, Losing The Rhythm

Posted Sept. 21, 2021, 2:46 p.m. by Captain Alexander Cochrane (Commanding Officer) (James Sinclair)

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Faye Calloway (Counter-Intelligence Officer) in Captain’s Quarters - Dancing On Toes, Losing The Rhythm

Posted by Captain Alexander Cochrane (Commanding Officer) in Captain’s Quarters - Dancing On Toes, Losing The Rhythm

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Faye Calloway (Counter-Intelligence Officer) in Captain’s Quarters - Dancing On Toes, Losing The Rhythm
Posted by… suppressed (6) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Faye was many things, but she was not one to blush and yet she could feel slight heat in her cheeks. Why the embarrassment? She’d have to examine that reaction later, but as she turned to gaze at Alex there was a wistfulness in her eyes. “Yeah, it came up. At the same dinner where we sort of agreed to spend our lives together. My first official date,” she said, breaking into a laugh. “I just… never saw myself as a mother but… things change. I don’t know on my own I’d have sought out having children, but with Dag? Yeah, I want them with him,” she said, breaking into a more goofy grin. “Poor kids…”

~Faye

“More like ‘Poor anyone who picks on them.’, I think. I’d hate to see what Mommy Faye does to anyone who messes with her babies.” and he laughed. “And thats the best part… they’ll be so scared of what your husband will do, they won’t even see you coming.” and he laughed harder, dropping the water can and holding his sides.

Alex

Faye barked a laugh. “Gods, you’re probably right!” she said, laughing some more. “Ninja Faye. All that Intelligence training will come in handy finally. Who knew it would be safeguarding kids at all, let alone my own.” She mimicked throwing and blocking punches. “And that’s for calling my kid a sissy! Hiya!”

Alex sat down and laughed so hard he was making no noise before finally drawing a deep breath and laughing more.

She laughed near to the point of tears before she exhaled a long sigh. “Well, stay tuned for that adventure. But what about you? One day, think you want kids?”

~Faye

Alex’s own laughter had subsided as she asked the question, but he smiled and shook his head. “I don’t think so. That would require a few things I don’t foresee happening, at least for a while. And besides… I’ll have my hands full being the cool ‘Uncle Alex’ to the ten or twelve Calloway-Hammor brood.” and he grinned at her.

Alex

Faye leaned over and swatted his arm. “Ten or TWELVE? Have you lost your mind?! Do you remember my fiance? I’ll be lucky to safely have one baby, let alone ten. Nah, one, maybe two. That’s all for me.” She shook her head. “Besides, I’m going to be a captain, remember? As you so aptly reminded me, it’s a tricky thing to manage with kids.” She sighed a lightly. Faye wasn’t discouraged, but she knew she and Dag would have to be brutally honest with each other as they went through these transitions together.

~Faye

Alex waved off her concern. “I’ve seen ship Captains handle the job and family. And the ones that did it well? They were and are officers anyone should be proud to serve under. Now… the ones that did it poorly, on the other hand… those tended, in my experience, to be rather selfish. Made it all about them. And by ‘it’ I mean the whole life-work-balance thing. And you can’t do that. Always remember, Faye… be that your family or your crew… they are the reason you do what you do. Every time. If you can hold onto that, there is nothing this universe can throw at you that will keep you down. I promise.”

Alex

A whole part of her mind had prepared itself to face that inevitable question of whether she’d be a good mother. It hadn’t been today though. Today she had been happy to distract Alex from his hurts and reminds herself that no matter what they were bound to each other’s lives. They were family. And Dag was her family but it was vastly different in a wonderful way and they would build their own family together that would be a part of a ship family. It was enough to make her head spin! “I know we can tell each other anything, but can I confess something to you? Something I know I can say to Dag, but not sure if I can at the same time?”

~Faye

“Always.” Alex replied without hesitation as he finished watering the seeds.

Alex

Watching the water spill out of the can’s rose, Faye let her mind drift to that place where the worries sat, mostly assuaged through her everyday interaction. “So… I know I’ve grown a lot, and I’m handling a lot of things better than I used and it’s all because of the work I’ve done with the support of others. And I know there’s no simple answer to this and it’s possible not a rational fear at all but… epigenetics is a thing. Generational Trauma, is a thing.” Faye looked up at Alex, eyes brimming with tears, her lower lip quivering. “What if, in the process of just being me and dealing with the things I deal with. The challenges, the trauma- all of it- I hurt. I hurt my kids. I can’t guarantee I won’t ever dissociate again. Marrying Dag isn’t a guarantee I’ll be magically all good, nor do I want to put that burden on him. But just like I sometimes have this weird feeling about one day having to explain to my new XO that I have brain damage that will likely make the BPD permanent in some form, I have this fear that having kids would be a bad idea because who would willingly put all that on them? Because I think the effort of trying to protect them from it, form me, would be terrible and end up going badly for all of us. So.. I just…” She shook her head and rested her hands on the edge of the workbench, leaning her weight on it as if it could her up for awhile. It was so tiring some days, just navigating. Navigating all of it plus having to raise kids? Was it all just a terrible stupid idea?

~Faye

Alex looked at her and said “Well… epigenetics is a thing, sure… but reversible. And Generational Trauma is a thing too… but then the question becomes is the past so bad that it has to control your future? I’m not saying discount it… but I am saying that anything worth doing is worth doing well. And if kids is something you really want, I don’t see any reason inside you or your past that should keep you from having them. And one day you may have to have that conversation with your XO, sure… but between then and now? You will have had that conversation with your CO at least a few times. And with Medical. So you’ll have the information you need… the framework to discuss it openly and honestly. Right?”

Alex


Posts on USS Manhattan

In topic

Posted since


© 1991-2021 STF. Terms of Service

Version 1.12.5